"It takes a whole village to raise a child... and a whole society to help a child who has been traumatized." -Fi Newood
July 8, 2019
Forty-eighth Edition
Greetings!

This month and next month I want to share some of my new book with you; I'm excited to be able to have this resource available for parents, and they are already telling me how helpful it's been for them!

Many times family member, friends, neighbours, or people at the doctors office see us using therapeutic parenting and have sooo many questions about it.

Written in a quick, easy-to-understand format that covers everything we use in therapeutic parenting, this book now makes your life easier -- no more explaining for hours that what you are doing is in fact helping your child! The brief explanations tell why we do what we do, what exactly we're doing, and how it's helping our kiddos.

I've picked my favourite parts from my favourite chapter for this month's newsletter, so read on!

Enjoy!

With love,
P.S. Don't forget to order you copy HERE!
Chapter 6.

What Are They Doing?
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Line of Vision Supervision / 6 Foot Rule (pg. 36; excerpt from this section)

→ What are they doing?
You see a child staying beside or near their parents and not being away from them at any time.

→ Why are they doing this?
Line of vision supervision or the six-foot rule is the practice of keeping a child close to an adult at all times. They are continually within reach and/or sight.
Parents of a child with attachment disorder keep their child close and well supervised to promote attachment and to prevent the child from causing harm or damage to other children, pets, and/or property.

→ How is this helping their child?
Children who are working on attachment need to be close to their parents in order to learn how to internalize their parents’ emotions and actions.

“When children are unattached they lack an internalized object. Because of this, they do not mature but instead continue to be self-centered, impulsive, and “babyish”. Their concern is always “What’s in it for me?”” (High Risk)

Healthy children internalize their parents in the first few years of life; they soak in how their parents view and interact with the world around them, how they approach struggles and stress, and how they trust and respect people and boundaries.
...more...

Line of vision supervision/six-foot rule also helps keep the child from getting into excessive trouble – keeping themselves and others safe.
...more...
Being Quiet (pg. 44)

→ What are they doing?
You hear parents tell their child to be quiet, allowing them to speak only when an adult speaks to them or during an appropriate activity. The child is directed not to chatter, hum, sing, etc.

→ Why are they doing this?
Being quiet allows the child to begin being mindful – a mental state achieved by focusing your awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting your feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, learning to live in the moment instead of reliving or blocking out the past.
Mindfulness cannot be achieved if the child is constantly filling their mind with chatter and noise.

→ How is this helping their child?
“The final defence that severely traumatized children rely on frequently is that of non-stop and seemingly useless chatter. This defence is used primarily as a means for preventing themselves from being caught up in traumatic memories, which gets them stuck in the right hemisphere of the brain. Since speech is primarily a left hemisphere function, non-stop chatter becomes a useful way to avoid being caught up in traumatic memories. It also serves to help to keep children from being over-whelmed with feelings of emptiness and loneliness, as they can fool themselves into believing that they are not alone as long as they’re talking (or sometimes humming and singing).”
-Elizabeth Randolph; Broken Hearts Wounded Minds
Parents help their child to process memories, feelings, and to practice mindfulness with the art of being quiet.

Children with attachment disorder don’t have conversations – they don’t know how. Con-versing with another person is learned through listening. Their brains must first be calmed down before parents are able to teach the art of true conversation to their child.

Children do need excitement and noise for healthy brain development, both hearing it and making it. When this is provided in a parent-child interaction with the parent in charge, the child learns to trust and bond while building healthy brain connections (see also page 74, Positive Excitement).
Early & Consistent Bedtime (pg. 51)

→ What are they doing?
Parents put their child to bed ‘early’ and at the same time every night, even on weekends and holidays.

→ Why are they doing this?
Children need between 10 and 12 hours of sleep every night (depending on their age).

Children with attachment disorder who are hypervigilant and constantly trying to be in control have very stressed out bodies and brains. They need extra sleep to heal their brains and give their bodies time to rest.

→ How is this helping their child?
A child who gets a proper amount of sleep will be better able to function and process the day’s activities, events, and stresses that come their way.

While the child doesn’t need to sleep for 10 – 12 hours, they do need that amount of rest (door shut, alarm on); a quiet time to process what happened during the day and let their bodies relax.

Parents and child also need a break from the tight structure and constant hypervigilance. It is a time for everyone to relax and wind down.

The more stressed out your body and brain are, the more sleep you need to repair the damage caused by the stress. This is imperative during the healing process for both parent and child.
No Choices or Limited Choices (pg. 61)

→ What are they doing?
Parents make the decisions about what their child will eat, play, wear, what they will do, and where they will go.

→ Why are they doing this?
The child needs to learn to trust that their parents will make good, healthy, and safe choices for them.

Too many choices for a child who wasn’t taught coping skills as an infant overwhelm the brain, causing the child to fall back into survival mode.

→ How is this helping their child?
A child with attachment disorder didn’t have a loving parent teach them how to make good, healthy, or safe choices; this skill only comes from internalizing a parent who modeled how to make good choices.

Therapeutic parents take their child back to redo this important developmental stage and teach good choice making.

As the child heals and begins to trust they are then able to begin making age-appropriate choices on their own.
Restitutions (Acts of Kindness) (pg. 65)

→ What are they doing?
You see the child giving their parent a foot rub or massage or completing a household task for them.

→ Why are they doing this?
Definition: “Recompense or make amends for in-jury or loss.”

Restitutions are the act of giving back when a child has taken emotional or physical energy or time from their parents with their misbehaviours.

→ How is this helping their child?
A child who is in survival mode is in ‘taking’ mode – they take time, energy, strength, and positive emotion from those around them.

Therapeutic parents use restitutions to teach the child a healthy balance of give-and-take: the child takes with negative behaviours and they learn to give back with restitutions to help the other person feel better.

This also puts a positive twist on negative behaviours, allowing parents to feel less angry and frustrated, and to teach the child great life skills.

When a child sees that they are capable of making good choices, doing kind deeds, and making their parents happy, their brain and heart grow and become stronger – a step toward healing.
Have you ever seen parents using therapeutic parenting techniques and thought, “What are they doing?”

This book dives into the what, why, and how of therapeutic parenting. Learn about the reasons behind the interventions that are used and catch a glimpse into the nurturing and playfulness that therapeutic parents add to their lives.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE."
Jeremiah 29:11