| Emma T. is an alumni of the Turnbridge Women’s Program. “Leading up to going to Turnbridge, my life was extremely unmanageable,” recalled Emma. “I was very unmotivated in any respect for anything. Even if I enjoyed doing something, I couldn't find the motivation to do it. I was depressed all the time, felt worthless and unimportant, and felt like I didn't have a purpose. That drove me to try to escape, whether it was through relationships or partying.” Prior to coming to Turnbridge, Emma was a student at University of Colorado in Boulder. “It started out with partying in college,” said Emma. “During freshman year I had a solid group of friends. Then, sophomore year came around and I spent more time experimenting with different things and all different types of people. I found the people that also didn’t want to do anything but party and stuck around those people.” “Whether it was doing drugs, or drinking and partying... whatever you shouldn't be doing in order to live a fulfilling life, I was doing it,” said Emma. This lifestyle started to take a toll on Emma’s self-worth as she watched her peers start to excel and accomplish their goals. Emma started to retreat further and further away from the person that she wanted to become. “As time went on, I was getting more and more depressed because I saw that I wasn’t accomplishing anything,” said Emma. “It caused this whole cycle of being depressed from not doing anything and being too depressed to do anything. I was just stagnant, bored, and impulsive.” Emma continued, “I just didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything. I lost touch with wanting to maintain a healthy relationship with my parents and care for them. I just lost touch with myself. I found anyway that I could escape from myself.” Eventually, Emma found her way to Turnbridge. “I came in stubborn,” said Emma. “I came in knowing that I needed to change, that I needed to do something different with my life, I just didn’t know exactly what that meant. I didn’t want to take suggestions from anyone. I was super lazy still. I was still unmotivated. I had a little hope deep down that eventually this would kick in, that maybe something would change in me.” “As time went on I just kept getting in trouble, so I decided to take some suggestions,” said Emma. “I had to have enough eye opening experiences to realize that what I was doing was not working and I needed to try things differently.” By the time Emma was transitioning into Phase III at Turnbridge, she felt a marked shift. “I felt a little more motivated to want to go out and do things, because I didn’t want to get in trouble anymore for not doing anything. With that motivation, I got a job. I just really wanted to push myself. In Phase III my process was accomplishing small tasks at first, and then by each task I accomplished, I gained a little tiny bit more confidence like, ‘oh I can do this. I am capable’ and that would give me the confidence to accomplish the next small task, and the next, and then I would move to larger more daunting tasks as my confidence grew. It made me feel better about myself. I could feel more color. I had self-worth. I was proving to myself that I could do it. I can be a confident human being.” In talking about her recovery journey, Emma shared a wonderful anecdote involving her mother. “I got a manager position at work and I worked really hard for that,” said Emma. “My mom always asked me when I was growing up, ‘Did you try your best? Well if you did, that's all that matters’. I never tried my best because I thought that if I did it wouldn’t be good enough. I remember in Phase III actually feeling like I had tried my best and, for once, my best was good enough. It just made me realize that I can do something with great purpose in my life. These small moments of confidence-building lead to respect for myself.” 
“I am super grateful for Turnbridge,” said Emma. “If you had told me on day one what I would be like upon leaving Turnbridge, I would not have believed you. Where I am now is better than what I could have imagined for myself.” “Today I am feeling certain qualities that I always wanted to feel,” said Emma. “I feel respected, appreciated, looked up to, and needed by a lot of people. I am feeling like I have an impact on others and I am only 21. I don’t have a mansion and a job on Wall Street or whatever it may be, but what I have today, with the insight I have on myself, the friends I am surrounded by, I couldn’t ask for a better state of being or a better state of mind.” “I feel powerful, I feel unstoppable, I feel like anything I set my mind to I can do it,” said Emma. “I actively work to be the person that I always knew I had inside of me. I am dedicated and loyal to other people, I show up for others, and most importantly today, I show up for myself. Today, I can tell myself I am proud of myself and actually feel weight to what I am saying. I don’t need my parents, or staff, or my case manager to tell me. Of course, it's nice to hear but today there is meaning to when I tell myself I am proud of myself.” |
