Recently Iâve been reflecting a lot about stuff. And by âstuff,â I mean all of the many items, treasures, oddities, necessities and things that reside in my home, my office and my car.
These past few years have included opportunities for me to gather other peoples stuff in addition to my own. Some of the things have sentimental value (pictures or furniture from my grandmotherâs house), some of the items are things that I needed (a curio cabinet- to put stuff in) and the vast majority - almost all of what I have gotten - are things that I neither needed nor wanted. But somehow I still ended up with. That list could go on and on and includes more kitchen gadgets than I have room for, books that I probably wonât read, purses and jewelry that I wonât use or wear, knick-knacks, vases, bowls, candle sticks (that donât match my current decor. OK, I donât really have a âdecorâ), handmade doilies, quilts, afghans, and more tea towels than I thought one person could actually own.
I have felt quite overwhelmed and keep questioning how and why I keep ending up with more, rather than having less, which is what I know will make me feel better.
Less is more and
simplifying are two rules that I try to live by, but I havenât been very successful at. Iâve had some success at parting with things that were just taking up space physically and emotionally. I still have work to do. And I need to stay away from yard sales, flea markets and craft shows. I need to donate and sell and downsize. I need to remind myself that more stuff doesnât really mean much in the grand scheme of things. I read somewhere that if something isnât useful, joyful or beautiful, get rid of it. Easier said than done but certainly worth a try in order to minimize the stress that is associated with having too many unnecessary things.
What, you might ask does this have to do with a letter to parents at UCDC? Well, let me tell you.
I have learned that I have an apple living in my house. By that, I mean my daughter, and the apple is from the tree that she didnât fall far from. You see, she recently moved back home after four years and one semester of college. And I did not see it coming but, she too has lots of stuff. I knew that she had many things in her apartment because I bought a lot of it. What I didnât realize was that she doesnât ever really get rid of things that she no longer needs or uses. Why didnât I realize that she had accumulated so many t-shirts, water bottles, mugs, pens, pencils, craft supplies etc. Hmm, I wonder why?
I guess that there are two lessons that I want to share that might be helpful in regards to being a parent.
- No matter what you do or what you say, your child will likely emulate that, or do or say the same thing (or close to the same thing) at some point in your lifetime.
- Children become what they live and undoing it when they are older is difficult if not impossible.
What can you do now? Do not give into the theory that kids need more or the newest or the best. Help them learn to be grateful and appreciate what they have. Encourage them to clean and organize and donate. Encourage them to not expect a lot from others. Make it more about what they need instead of what they want.
I know this is a tall order but think about it this way. The top things you can give to a child are time, attention, patience, conversation and encouragement. These are the best gifts. You canât hold these gifts or put them on a shelf. But these are the things that truly matter.
Now that my daughter is home, Iâm trying to get her to divide and conquer, while I do the same. Some days we laugh about it. Other days we do not. But we are learning together that having a lot of stuff doesnât necessarily mean that you have a lot.
