Good Friends at Work
One of the most questioned items on the staff Gallup Engagement survey asks:
"Do you have a best friend at work?"
Although many find this question odd for a workplace, research repeatedly shows that strong friendships at work are highly correlated with better engagement, work experience, retention and productivity.
Why is this true, and how can we nurture such friendships?
Knowing someone has your back and cares about you matters.
One day I got a page from a nurse saying my patient's rectum had prolapsed, and he couldn't get it back in. I thought to myself, nothing in my 21 year medical career to date has prepared me for this! As I paged other services to figure out what to do, Sara Murray working next to me in the lounge quickly looked up the answer. She went to the patient's room, put sugar on the prolapsed part, so that when I went back up to evaluate, the swelling had subsided, and the prolapse was reducible. I never loved someone as much as I loved Sara Murray that day.
But you don't have to be MacGyver to be a good friend. Sara also shares her Cheetos with me when we are sitting next to each other documenting for hours, bringing me so much happiness in otherwise long and intensive work. Laura Kirk calls me and swings by for a couple minutes of in person time when she is at Parnassus. I regularly find a post it on my door from Michael Marcin who also schedules lunches with me regularly just to talk. Many other friends routinely abort whatever meeting agenda we might have had to listen to what's really happening to me that day.
Feeling like others know, see and care about us in a sea of people, responsibilities and distractions can in fact be an antidote to what ails us at work.
So, how do we nurture closer friendships?
To have closer friends, we might first consider how to intentionally be a closer friend.
- Create a foundation of security (Be available, responsive and reliable.)
- Pay close attention
- Let yourself be known
- Take your friends on a test drive
- Accept that closeness isn't "one size fits all"
Check out these related resources:
Thanks to Sara Bakhtary who raised this idea and these articles to me and is working with Solmaz Manuel on developing this into an initiative at UCSF! Thanks also to so many of you who are such great friends at work.