Greetings Parents,
"Mom, someone has been telling lies about me and getting people to believe things that aren't true and when I try to explain they twist my words and make it sound like I'm trying to be mean to them. They asked for my help on something and when I tried to do what I thought they wanted, they acted like they were mad that I was doing it, like I was taking over for them. Then they kept criticizing everything I did - but I just did what they asked. I didn't ask to do it - they asked me! But now they act like they want to be doing it - which is fine, they can have it, but they're not saying that's what they want. They seem happy just to constantly get their way in everything and criticize every little thing I do, even which words I use. What do I do?"
How many things are more frustrating and hurtful than being asked to help someone and then that someone undermines and publicly criticizes what you do? It seems to happen frequently in businesses where some people are trying to advance at any cost, but can happen in family and volunteer organizations as well. Our first response should be to pray and ask for God's intervention and guidance. This is true for every crisis, but I think a little easier to follow when the situation is completely out of our hands - such as an illness. Only God can change the outcome. When it involves other people though, it gets sticky. We have to see these people regularly who pretend to be our friends to our face. They are also God's children and we need to treat them as such. But they are not treating us that way. They might ask for our help, but then criticize and undermine it. They might recruit others with half-truths or full lies to alienate them from us so they look better and we look wicked.
"What do you want us to do here God?" Probably our first "inspirations" are not the greatest, even though we might think them inspired by God. Be it the righteous anger reaction or the humble withdrawal, most likely our response is resulting more from our emotions than from anything God is trying to have sink into our thoughts. Recalling Elijah, God comes on the soft, nearly silent breeze, not in the storms or fanned-up flames.
God comes to us in the peace of our hearts - but what if we are so stirred up that we have no peace? I think there is the key. If we are so stirred up that we can't be at peace to hear God, then we are certainly not in a good frame of mind, heart, or soul to respond. We need to find the peace first. How can I find peace when I'm all stirred up? Give it to God. Argh! Back to the beginning, it is a circle.
Maybe it is and maybe that is what God wants. We're so worked up we're like a frightened dog that has to run out the nervous energy until we can start seeing what's around us rather than running away from painful emotions. When we have to face those darn emotions, we're likely to try running again, but we need to pause long enough to truly turn to God. Ideally, we find a form of prayer that works for us at the moment: reading Scriptures or other religious texts, the rosary, talking or journaling to God (writing forces my thoughts to slow enough to write them). Anything that will interest and distract the mind long enough to separate from the problem long enough to really look to God. Even a movie we find calming or inspirational can help us get out of the emotional red zone and back into letting God lead us. From the movie we can move into other prayer that opens our minds - and more importantly our hearts and souls - to God's movement.
Perhaps now you can hear Him. Honestly, the exercise is simply to get my mind on other things, which is good. It brings peace. It takes the next day, and sometimes many days, for thoughts to become pondering. Instead of hearing
my
repeating thoughts that echo the anger, frustration, betrayal, and hurt, I'm ready to hear God's thoughts. I might get lucky and find that one of my thoughts was in alignment with His. More often though, His whisper leads to another place. He presents an unlikely solution and one that won't bring the unholy satisfaction I had wanted (see them squirm!), but - and I shouldn't be surprised but somehow am anyway - everything works out better than anticipated. Now, that might not be in a week or a month, but eventually I feel utter gratitude for God
Who did what I asked when I did what He asked:
I gave it to Him and let Him take care of it.
Ask your family's guardian angels to help you find peace in all your relationships. Remind your children that their guardian angels are with them. May God's blessing pour upon your family in abundance!
- Linda Bader, CRE, St. Thomas More
P.S. Did you know... if someone is harming others, his guardian angel might act to prevent the harm to others rather than to their own charge. Their role, no matter how much they love their charge, is to fulfill God's Will, even when harm must come to him or her to prevent it from happening to others.
