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Let's make community and
connection a priority
“Empathy doesn’t require that we have the exact same experiences as the person sharing their story with us…Empathy is connecting with the emotion that someone is experiencing, not the event of the circumstance.”
- Brené Brown
Each quarter we publish our newsletter based on a theme that is relevant to the posting cycle- Prepare/Move, Arrive, Connect/Settle, and Thrive!
This quarter, we are focusing on the “connecting and settling” portion of the cycle. As I reflect on what that may mean to most of us this year, I think we can agree that 2020 has been unpredictable and therefore has required us to adjust our definitions of connecting & settling based on our new reality. If anything, this year has thus far demanded that we learn how to be prepared for the unexpected, and do so patiently. We have had to discover ways to adjust and re-adjust more than once throughout this year, making settling into a new location or a new way of living a bit more challenging. We have also had to establish novel methods of “connecting” with our community as we forego or re-invent our approach to welcome events, face-to-face coffee mornings and weekly playdates with our kids. However, as we continue to find innovative methods to handle the most fundamental things, wherever we fit in the aforementioned posting cycle, we are all navigating this new normal together. We are tapping into the resiliency that only our military community can truly understand and we are realizing more than ever how valuable community and connection is to us all. I encourage you to continue to be patient with each other, your communities, co-workers and most importantly, your family. We will each continue to navigate through this at our own pace, undoubtedly with moments of fear and uncertainty along the way.
I hope we can be mindful of the fact that none of us has a “how-to” manual for this very unique time, but if we each endeavour to pause, listen and demonstrate grace, we can ensure each member of our OUTCAN family is successful in feeling settled and connected to their community. Your MFS(E) team is here to support you and your family through this new OUTCAN experience. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us, we want to connect with you!
- Angie Thibodeau
MFS(E) Senior Manager
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Covid-19 in Europe
As Europe continues to grapple with COVID 19, Military Family Services (Europe) (MFS(E)) will work to ensure that our families are informed and that everyone has the necessary information to act responsibly in order to take an active role in flattening the curve of infection. For updates, on COVID-19 in Europe, please visit https://www.cafconnection.ca/Europe/Contact-Us/Covid-19.aspx or follow along on our Facebook page.
If you feel the need for some emotional support during this time, please reach out to our MFS(E) Social Worker, Myriam Chebat, at myriam.chebat@forces.gc.ca. or alternatively, the Family Information Line: 1-800-866-4546, (613)995-5234 or toll free from Europe, 00800 7711 7722 or your local Padre.
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Top 10 tips for maximizing your quarantine experience
Having experienced four quarantines within the last few months, I have learned a thing or two about self-preservation. Quarantine is not agreeable by any means, but there are things you can do to successfully navigate your quarantine. Not all of the following advice will resonate with you; however, I encourage you to identify a few that help you stay focused and mentally resilient.
1. It is a matter of perspective
Focus on the positive aspects of your life and your situation. Focus on the benefits, no matter how slight or unimportant they seem. Being positive yet realistic will help you stay prepared for potential challenges ahead.
2. Be comfortable with your own company
This can be difficult when we are increasingly reliant on interactions with people, particularly through social media. Schedule some quiet time every day, where it is just you and your thoughts. Reduce distractions (yes, put away your phone), sit and enjoy your own company. Let your mind wander or try a new meditation technique. It is amazing how much calmer you can feel following a few deep breathes.
3. Maintain a routine
Just because you are in quarantine and temporarily bound to one location, does not mean you can relinquish all daily structure. It is important to go to bed and get up at a normal time. Eat meals at regular intervals and schedule some daily physical activity. Try a new YouTube video, an app or simply count your steps within your location. This is also a good time to implement a push-up or plank challenge.
4. Find an affirmation or message that speaks to you
If you find yourself in a funk, have a saying that keeps your sharp and focused. For example, mine was Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, or simply telling myself: This too, shall pass.
Keeping a positive focus helped me be more pleasant to be around and more productive.
5. Challenge yourself
If you want to stay healthy, you need to stimulate growth. This applies as much to physical training and muscular conditioning as it does to keeping your mind sharp. Learn something new, push yourself physically and work outside of your comfort zone. Stagnation is infectious and seems to slow downtime.
6. Set micro-goals
Set hourly or daily goals, whichever you need to stay motivated. Make your goals reasonable, while respecting your need for downtime. Quarantine can be taxing on you and your family. It is easy to fall into the trap of needing to fill your time, but recharging your batteries is more important than depleting them. Maintain a balanced approach to your time and energy.
7. Do not worry about other people’s expectations
Some people may impose their time on you, knowing that you are in quarantine. Do not let coworkers, family members or friends dominate your time. It is perfectly acceptable to set boundaries and to “disappoint someone”. No one fully understands what you are experiencing but you. Do not be influenced or pressured into giving up your most precious commodity, your time.
8. Laugh, laugh and laugh
Call me a traditionalist, but I do think that laughter is the best medicine. Find your favourite movie, a YouTube clip or play a game with friends and family. Our bodies physically and emotionally rejuvenate with laughter. Find that guilty pleasure and indulge in some heartfelt belly-laughter.
9. Be kind
Be kind to others and be kind to yourself. I had to remind myself of this often during my quarantines. Acknowledge your quarantine experience and be reasonable with your expectations. Be reasonable with what you expect to accomplish and that you may be experiencing grief. Grief for the change in the world, grief for the routines you have lost, grief for the temporary hold on travelling and grief for the unknown. This is a stressful period for everyone, kindness can go a long way.
10. Gratitude
Be grateful that you are healthy, safe and able to continue experiencing your life. This is, after all, an experience.
One for good luck … limit the amount of news you read on a daily basis. Schedule “news” time into your routine and respect it. We do not always realize the chronic effect that a continuous bombardment of news can have on our well-being. By all means, be informed, but be disciplined with your input and your time.
Quarantine is a personal experience. Discover what works for you and keep a routine which helps you maintain your focus. After all, this too shall pass.
- Amanda Ager,
MFS(E) Virtual Programs Coordinator
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European Advisory Committee |
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Congratulations, you are here! You are already winning as you are now at the point when you are now opening the newsletter and learning of the many resources available to you.
We wanted to start by introducing ourselves; we are Marina Theologus (United Kingdom Advisory Committee representative) and Monica Krull (CAF Embassy Advisory Committee representative for Europe, UK and Russia). We have been tasked with exploring what it means to Settle and Connect while OUTCAN and what this experience has been like for us.
First off, we want to acknowledge that everyone's experience is going to be different. We are not scholars; we are two individuals that, like you, have recently gone through the experience of uprooting our lives to join our spouses on an amazing worldly adventure. We acknowledge that this undertaking is not only challenging but also exciting, invigorating and maybe even a bit scary for some.
Many of you have had the joy of joining one of MFS welcome sessions held in person or via our new reality of Zoom. During these sessions, you may have heard about the stages of the OUTCAN experience: Honeymoon phase, Culture Shock, Settling phase, and Thriving. When looking at the Settling phase, we both felt the common thread was the concept of connection - connection to your family, to your new community, and to your own inner strength and resiliency.
Connection, what does that mean? How does one connect especially during a global pandemic? We wanted to share with you a few things that have helped us!
- Virtual connections are essential, especially for maintaining mental health.
- Work from a positive spin and take challenges in stride.
- Volunteering within the community (at your child school, local animal shelter etc)
- Asking a neighbour over for coffee in the garden/local café, where social distance can be maintained
- Research to learn about your local customs, laws and language in your new country
- Engage and participate in MFSE programming (both onsite, where possible and virtually)
- Book virtual coffee dates with family/friends both locally and back in Canada regularly
Making connections and establishing a new home in a different country can be challenging but also rewarding. Connecting with others of a different culture, especially during a pandemic can be difficult. Our advice is to keep this in mind; take advantage of a shared smile or offer a quick good morning to a neighbour or fellow parent, reach out in small ways everyday. Look for a chance to have a good conversation, making friends usually starts with making one.
As CAF families, we have learned to blend into our new environment and to establish our homes and settle into communities. This can be hard, especially during a pandemic. However, it is important to know that you are not alone in this process. We encourage you to reach out to your MFS community support workers or your advisory committee representatives for support. We are all in this together.
- Advisory Committee Representatives,
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Regional Civilian Personnel Office (RCPO)
The OUTCAN employment environment is very diverse, and the Regional Civilian Personnel Office (RCPO) is always looking for talented and motivated people ready to take on new challenges. If you have questions, or would like to discuss opportunities further, please feel free to contact our office at RCPO_Europe@forces.gc.ca.
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News from Our Communities |
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Settling In
I usually save these articles for our newcomers who have either just arrived or arrived the year prior. This year is a bit different and I would love to write about “Settling in” from a different perspective.
Our family was due to move back to Canada in the summer of 2020 and nothing was going to stop that move according to my husband’s career manager. Well, guess what….Covid 19 arrived in March and those plans to move back to Canada were uncertain. In May or June (as with everyone else I think all those months are blurry) we found out we would be staying in Belgium for another year. I was beyond excited and happy. I started to plan all the wonderful trips I would take in this ‘bonus year’ we were given. Well it didn’t take long for reality to set in and for me to realize this year was not going to be like any other. The new norm of Covid 19 lifestyle started to sink in very quickly
We tried to find ways to make the Covid virus seem a little less scary for our children but also understand the severity. We happened to be away in March when the entire country decided to go on lockdown. Our children didn’t have a chance to say bye to their friends and teachers. The beginning was a little rough. They wanted to play with their friends. They didn’t understand why I couldn’t call to make playdates. Belgium rules were no contact with other people outside your family, and we respected those rules. We could still see our friends, wave from a distance, and say hi through the windows and eventually, our children adjusted.
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Through play, we taught our children what to expect in the world once we were able to leave our homes again. We played ‘store’, and before entering the store, we had to use disinfectant and wear masks. We bought masks that the children liked and picked up fun smelly hand sanitizer. I am not saying it was perfect or they enjoy wearing their masks when we leave the house, but they understand.
Covid is now a part of our everyday life, and we are trying to find a balance for this new norm. We have learned to appreciate the precious times we spend with our family as you never know what could happen. We learned to slow down our pace of life a little and appreciate what is around us. We took the time to watch spring bloom before our eyes. We had time to take family walks together and stopped many times along the way to look at snails, bugs, and sticks. We have also learned how much in a day we touch our face, or how quickly toilet paper can disappear from store shelves. We are all navigating this the best we can for our family. We try not to make it a negative thing our children will remember, but more as a time in life we had to quickly readjust.
Jennifer Delahunt,
Community Service Provider, Casteau
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To have the humility to not succeed in everything the first time...and start again!
Warrant Officer Suzie Paquin left Val Cartier this summer (22nd Regiment) to settle in Naples. This is her first posting outside of Canada.
When she was offered a position in Naples she was over the moon.
She exclaimed, “Impossible! It's unbelievable that this is happening to me!” The assignment was a good fit for her personal life. Her older children were excited for her and had nothing but words of encouragement.
Suzie left Quebec alone, but not completely.
She brought with her irresistible little Méo, a crested Chinese dog that follows her everywhere.
Expatriation is quite a challenge! Especially in a country where one has never set foot. It's a leap of faith! We don't know where and how we will land. "I don't come from a family of travelers," says Suzie. "When we were young, we didn't go further than Old Orchard."
Nevertheless, Suzie prepared for her move with a desire for a change and discovery. She says, "When standing in front of the toothpaste shelf, I'm the kind of person who chooses the brand she doesn't know. I also come with the idea of buying local. It's important to me."
This change is taking place in a more difficult international context. But restrictions imposed by the pandemic have not been a problem for Suzie. In fact, they were more of an advantage. Quarantine allowed her to go slower and to rest. The hectic pace at work before leaving, the demanding preparations for the posting: providing documentation, selling the house, preparing boxes, were all exhausting.
The 14 days at the hotel proved to be a healthy break time to listen to the local radio, study the maps and finally relax!
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Suzie the go-getter
Barely out of quarantine, Suzie overcame her fears and drove her car to discover her new city. "Of course, it's not always easy on your own. Sometimes I've found myself going in one-way little streets," says Suzie. "The ATM in Italian is not always easy. Once I went to the toilet to wash my hands, and I couldn't find the taps. There were none. It was a pedal under the sink. Laugh!!!"
Changing my approach
Suzie shared, "Even though I'm ready for anything, I realized I had to change my approach. I challenged myself to go to Capri for the day. This involved going to Naples port, buying tickets, finding a parking spot, taking the ferry to the island just across from there. I almost missed the departure of the ferry because I didn't quite understand where the line was. I was stressed all day and it ended up not being the nice outing I was hoping for because of that. I should have just gone there and come back for the first day. Having a little drink on a terrace, enjoying the landscape, was already a lot! One step at a time. Enjoying each little victory."
Suzie also discovered that you have to be willing to repeat the little everyday things more than once before you can succeed. Finding a store, ordering and receiving a package is not always easy in Naples. "I don't let myself say it can' t be done! But one must accept that it doesn't happen like at home."
Suzie is posted to Naples for four years! She can't wait to receive her container with her furniture and her car and to move into her new house which has one of the most beautiful views of the Gulf of Naples. She also has ambitious projects to realize during these four years. Like walking around Mont-Blanc, for example. But before embarking on such adventures, she starts with more humble beginnings like discovery activities every weekend and working on developing her Italian!
- Rachel Gaulin,
Community Service Provider, Naples
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Travelling during a pandemic
Like many in our community, for us this past year, there has been a lot of grief over cancelled travel plans. So, it is no wonder when it came to the thought of booking travel again, I was a little hesitant, but wanted to take advantage of a brief window at the beginning of September that it looked possible. We booked short trips – Isle of Skye, Venice, and Rome. With kids in tow and fingers crossed, we set out on our travels and here’s what we learned:
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It was an incredible time to travel. Most places we visited during our trips were empty. We stood on the most western edge of Scotland with just sheep for company. We had the canal to ourselves during our Gondola ride in Venice. We stood in the Sistine Chapel with four other people. We walked right into the Colosseum. There were no lineups anywhere. It’s heartbreaking for businesses, but amazing to experience these places so empty.
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Don’t be too ambitious During our Northern Scotland trip, we travelled more than 600 kilometres with two small children in a rental car and stayed in a new place each night. Constantly travelling meant little time for rest and a break from each other. It was exhausting.
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Last minute bookings With so few people travelling in September, we were able to score some last minute bookings that otherwise would have been impossible. Just outside of Rome, we showed up to a bike shop and rented bikes to ride along the Appian Way. I also managed to buy a last minute ticket the night before for the Borghese Gallery.
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Find creative solutions After living in the UK for a year, my family is sick of castles, churches, ruins, and art. I on the other hand, can’t seem to get enough. I also have a very go-go-go travel style which isn’t always a good fit with small children. I am incredibly grateful to have a partner who will take the kids back to our flat for a nap so I can pop out to a gallery or a church. Consider that not everyone will want to do the same things or have the same travel style and perhaps there are solutions where there is a win-win opportunity for everyone.
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Prepare to adapt Several times during our trips, we had realize flexibility was our friend. From attraction closures to midges attacking you, sometimes you just need to take a breath and figure out a different plan. While it may mean you may not be able to do EVERYTHING you want to do, seeing some things is better than nothing. And, sometimes, even when all of your plans haven’t turned out, you may discover wonderful experiences instead.
All of this said, it was an incredible time to travel. They were not the trips we planned, but I think they were the trips we needed.
Although many of us may be discouraged that we are not able to check off our travel bucket lists now, why not take a virtual tour of some of your must see's and start to prep your itinerary for post lockdown! Check out "Virtual tours of Europe" online and begin planning your next adventure!
Kristy Fallon
Communications Coordinator
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Holiday Resources
It's nearly the time for gingerbread, hot apple cider and cozying up in front of a warm fire. Here are some resources from our family to yours to help you celebrate the holidays.
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