The following is another in a series of  weekly columns from guest writer, Dr. Moe Gelbart, Executive Director of the Thelma McMillen Center.

PARENTAL STRATEGIES FOR HELPING TEENS IN TODAY'S PRESSURE COOKER: PART I - MODELING
After writing about some of the concerns and dangers of drug and alcohol use, I am going to focus the next few columns on things parents can do to help teens improve self-esteem, and to hopefully make the right choices in regards to drugs and alcohol, as well as many of the pressures they have to deal with. 

Illustration by Peter C. Espina - Global Times

Our first Parental Strategy is Modeling. It is much more important to demonstrate healthy, and appropriate behavior ourselves, than just verbalizing concerns. Teens will learn more from what you DO, than from what you SAY. On the obvious side, if you experience a drug or alcohol issue, then your children will not only suffer, but will also see that as an acceptable coping strategy. Telling them not to use drugs or alcohol when they observe a problem in your behavior will often fall on deaf ears. They are, however, more subtle behaviors which children observe, and which influences their choices. If alcohol is a big part of your life, ie, parties at home, celebrations punctuated by drinking, or a regular daily drink to relax and stress out, the message will be sent that alcohol is a important part of life, and it will be difficult to convince your teens otherwise. Of course, alcohol is a good, normal part of most adult lives, but I am just cautioning to be cognizant of the emphasis we place on it. This is even more important when our children are experiencing challenges or problems. When teens enter our treatment program, for example, we encourage parents to have an alcohol free home both to model healthy behavior and to remove threats and risks from the home. Another subtle form of modeling involves what I call "better living through chemistry". We should pay close attention to our own use of chemicals to help us get through life. Naturally, if you are under a physician's care, and are taking medication for issues, that is an essential and appropriate behavior. On the other hand, if you become reliant on medications to cope with day to day issues, in ways which are not prescribed, then you may be modeling behavior that could guide the young mind to seek relief from problems through pills. In general, it is very difficult to convince a teenager to stop something which is harmful for them, when they observe you engaging in that behavior. In the same vein, though, when we model healthy behaviors, they are watching and learning, more than they are listening. If we eat healthy, exercise, communicate effectively, openly, and empathetically, they will have the benefit of good role models and guides. Modeling good behavior is important in areas other than substance use. Teenage screen time is a major issue for parents (to be discussed in detail in later columns). Limiting our children's time with their cellphones is important, but showing them that we are not dependent on devices may be a more effective tool. I have worked with parents who initiate device free dinner time; device free hikes and outings, and who monitor their own smartphone use, all to the benefit of their teens. Hopefully, this will encourage you to think about your behavior and the effect it has on your teens.

Next week, I will discuss Setting Limits.

Remember, if you have issues you would like to see addressed, please email me at   [email protected] . Your inquiries will always remain anonymous.