"Anyone can support a team that is winning - it takes no courage. But to stand behind a team to defend a team when it is down and really needs you, that takes a lot of courage." -Bart Starr
August 7, 2018
Thirty-seventh Edition
Greetings!

"A team is a group of individuals who support each other."
- Jeffrey Benjamin

As Therapeutic Parents working to heal your child from early trauma, it can seem like your friends and even family have deserted you and left you floundering alone.

Family and friends often don't know how to help or don't understand your child or your parenting methods, and keep their distance because they don't want to "mess things up".

For Therapeutic Parenting to be successful you need a Healing Support Team: a group of people who love you and your family and want to see you succeed.

These are some of the resources that I use when working with families to help them get started on building their very own Healing Support Team.

Enjoy!

With love,
"When the team works together the child can feel safe enough to trust and to begin healing."
 -Nancy Thomas; When Love is Not Enough
Setting up a Healing Support Team

Setting up a team of people to support you on your therapeutic parenting journey can seem a bit daunting. When choosing who you want to surround you with support keep these few points in mind:
  • They must believe that you are doing the right thing for your family, even if they don't understand what you're doing.
  • They should be a consoling shoulder to cry on without offering you parenting advice at every turn.
  • They should know your favourite 'feel-better' junk food or drink (not a must, but everyone needs at least one person like this on their list).

The PDF below has a section where you can write your list of supports. Hang it up somewhere as a daily reminder of those who love you and have your back (also, when you need something you can look at it and say, "Who you gonna call?").

Sometimes (always?) it's hard to know what to tell people. Are they interested in knowing everything? Somethings? Not much? I've written a letter in the PDF with the basics in it that you can print and send to family members and friends to get you started.

The last section of the PDF outlines what people need to do to be a part of your healing team. It includes what a healing support team is, how they can join, what they need to do, and a list of 25 Ways to Support Awesome Therapeutic Parents. Copy off these pages and hand them out to anyone who might be interested!

Being Part of a Healing Support Team

Parents need to have a support team around them of loving, caring individuals who want the best for them and their family.

When parents feel supported and loved they are able to be better parents. Parenting a child with attachment disorder can be very isolating. Their child displays many socially inappropriate behaviours, making it hard to go on outings or be around other people. Therapeutic parenting often looks weird to those who don't understand it, making parents feel judged about how they are helping their child. Eventually families find it easier to stay home and not interact with others.

So what does it take to be on a family's team?
  • Unconditional love for them
  • Hugs for Mom and Dad
  • Not giving unasked for advice - hugs instead
  • An "I've-got-your-back-here's-some-chocolate" attitude
  • LOVE. Love to do what they ask of you whether you agree or not, no matter how hard it is.

Ready? Download the PDF below for a full list of what to do as part of the team, as well as what the 6 Jobs of Strong Kids are that you need to model, and the list of 25 Ways to Support Awesome Therapeutic Parents.

Meal Train is a really easy-to-use platform that can be set up by anyone wanting to help a family.

Parents often don't ask for meals because they don't have time for people to stay and chat when they drop things off, they get the same meals over and over, or they have food restrictions and feel bad telling everyone what they can and can't bring. Meal Train takes care of all of that and more!

25 Ways to Support Awesome Therapeutic Parents
1.  Realise this is a very painful situation. If you are on the Mom’s side, you are on the child’s side. If you take the child’s side against Mom, they both lose.
2.     Listen with open ears and hearts. Do not judge or be critical. Condemning, criticizing, or blaming does not help! Lift the burden, don’t load it down.
3.     Make short (10 min. or less), loving phone calls to listen and encourage. Not to advise, not to gather information or ‘check on them’. Tell the parents to call whenever needed.
4.     Take mom or Dad out for lunch or dinner.
5.     Send flowers, chocolates, or a card with love and a smile in it.
6.     Bring over dinner or some baking.
7.      Hugs are always healing. Parents need 12 a day – minimum!
8.     Do not give unasked for advice.
9.     Take all information as confidential.
10.  Pray for them.
11.    Educate yourself about RAD.
12.   Run errands to help lift the load.
13.   Take the kids for the afternoon. Be sure Mom knows it’s because she deserves a break, not because she can’t handle her children.
14.  Give a gift certificate for a restaurant, massage, or spa.
15.   Give Mom a stuffed animal filled with love for her inner child.
16.  Give a book of inspirational short stories.
17.   Scratch a back, pat a shoulder.
18.  Buy bubble bath and watch the children for an hour while mom relaxes in the tub.
19.  Remind Mom (and Dad) of special traits and talents that they have.
20.   Tell the children often, in front of their parents, how lucky they are to have such Awesome Parents!
21.   Absolutely never show up without calling to check for an appropriate time.
22.  Ask if you can pick up groceries while you’re in town.
23.  Offer to stay with the child during an evening church service, class, or activity so that both parents can go.
24. Offer to have the child sit with you during church to give the parents a break.
25.  Never tell the parents to “just love your child more”. If you already have, beg for forgiveness for not understanding.

Download the list HERE
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE."  Jeremiah 29:11