"Love is the greatest gift that one generation can leave another."
- Richard Garnett
October 8, 2018
Thirty-ninth Edition
Greetings!

Grandparents are very, very special people. There is no one that can replace a grandpa or grandma.

Families who are using therapeutic parenting REALLY need grandparents. They can make a huge difference for parents and grandchildren when they support a family's parenting methods and have their home ready for visits by their grandchildren with RAD.

When parents know that they can visit grandparents and their child will not be set back by their schedules and routines being disrupted, parents can relax and enjoy time being with their Mom and Dad.

So Grandpas and Grandmas that are wanting to support their children and grandchildren on their healing journay, this one's for you!

Enjoy!

With love,
DOs and DON'Ts of Grandparenting children with Reactive Attachment Disorder
DO
Hug Mom & Dad
Pray for the family
Support Mom & Dad
Support ALL family rules
DON'T
Pity or 'feel sorry' for the child
Let them manipulate you!
Believe their lies
Give sugar or sweet snacks
Activities

Children who are working on healing their hearts and brains need tight structure, close supervision, and routine - even in their play.
Structured playtime is important for them to learn life skills. It's important for them to be held accountable when they overstep the limits of playtime and not get any second chances.
Parents need to be primarily in charge of all activities, but grandparents, if you have some of these activities available it will help take some pressure off the parents. When parents give you the go-ahead to do a play-with-your-grandchild activity remember to stay in charge, not let the child be in charge or boss you around, and to have them practice being quiet and mindful.
Quiet, Structured Playtime Activities:
  • Small puzzles (50-100 pieces)
  • Colouring supplies (crayons & paper)
  • Story books
  • Lego (small tub)
  • Play dough
Play-with-your-grandchild Activities:
  • Read a story
  • Go for a walk
  • Build a puzzle
Respect

Our children MUST learn and practice respect for all adults all the time. Without a foundation of respect for authority they cannot heal. Expecting high levels of respect from your grandchildren will set them up for success.

Respectful talk and body language:
  • "Yes/no, Grandpa/Grandma"
  • "Yes, please"
  • "No, thank you"
  • "Excuse me, Grandpa/Grandma. May I please___?"
  • Eye contact - when speaking or being spoken to.
Meal Times

Meal times can turn to complete chaos when our kiddos aren't held to the family's standards and are allowed too much freedom. It's very important that meal times are just as structured as any other part of their day - this means no spoiling them with special dishes and selective eating, grandma! It's hard, but very important while they are healing.

During meals:
  • A+ table manners
  • Be quiet at the table (child)
  • Parents serve the child
  • Follow all parents table rules
  • Let parents take care of their child's needs (seconds, condiments, etc.)
Grandparent Hugs & Nurturing

Your grandchild's primary caregivers are their parents and they need to be the ones who do the bonding and nurturing your grandchild needs.

As grandparents you need to fill the role of parents-to-the-parents: Loving Mom and Dad and showing your grandchild what a healthy parent/child relationship looks like.

My general rule for Grandparents when it comes to nurturing and loving on grandchildren: grandparents can give the child ONE hug per visit. Grandparents must give the parents hugs first - in sight of the child - and then give the child ONE hug. The rest of the hugs and nurturing must come from Mom and Dad.
Setting Up Your Home to be Therapeutic

  • Strong sitting rug & spot - Have a small rug (bath mat size or smaller) and a quiet area in your home where your grandchild can go when they need to do some strong sitting. A place facing a wall, back of a couch, side of a counter, etc. works best to keep distractions to a minimum.
  • Mini tramp - Our kiddos use mini tramps for shifting their brains, so having one in your home that they can use when the family comes to visit is awesome!
  • Activity box - Have a box or bin filled with the playtime activities listed above and a small blanket or beach towel for them to sit on so parents can pull out what they need and not have to worry about packing up stuff from home.
  • High-protein, sugar-free, dye-free snacks - Some of our kiddos need high-protein snacks several times a day to keep their brains in working order. Keep some cheese or cheese sticks, mixed nuts, hard boiled eggs, etc. on hand that parents can give their child when needed.
Healthy Siblings

If there are healthy, emotionally strong children in the family - have fun with them! Take them out for the day, plan fun activities, spend the day baking with them or working on a project. Fill them up with love and hugs!
These siblings live with a high amount of stress due to living with a child with RAD. They needs grandparent-time!
(Don't worry about not being 'fair' - different children need different things; children with a trauma history need different parenting than healthy children.)
Providing for Needs

It's important for our children working on attachment to have their needs met by their loving parents. If you grandchild asks you for a drink, a snack, to go somewhere or do something, direct them back to their parents to ask.
When the child sees that their Mom or Dad will provide for what they need, they learn to trust. The more they do this the faster they'll heal!
Sometimes, if the child asks Mom or Dad for something and the parent is busy, you can offer the parent that you'll get the drink/snack for them and they can give it to their child. This'll help the child with attachment AND give the parent a break!
SPOILER ALERT! Your grandchild WILL heal! The more you stick to these guidelines, support the parents, and be therapeutic, the faster your grandchild will get strong. One day you will be able to spoil them, take them on outings and feed them ice cream - I promise!
"Grandparents are a delightful blend of laughter, caring deeds,
wonderful stories, and love."
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"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE."
Jeremiah 29:11