What I Wanted to Say
by Susi Costello
Today I wrote a note to the mom of a 22 year old girl who died.
I wanted to say don’t believe those other cards. The ones that say “time heals” and “God only takes the best” and “may your sorrows be lessened.” You’ll only be disappointed.
I wanted to say this is the most heart-wrenching, chest crushing, breath stealing tragedy on earth.
I wanted to tell her there will be days she wants to die, and friends who will not understand some of the things she does or says.
I wanted to tell her she will still feel her daughter’s presence at times, sometimes so strongly that it is as if she is dancing just at the edge of whatever activity is going on. And other times she might not feel her presence at all.
I wanted to tell her that her life will not go back, that she will never be the same, because a piece of her left with her daughter.
And that even though the pain does not go away, somehow her soul will eventually make enough room so she can hold it all– the grief, the pain, the joy and the love.
I wanted to tell her… but I didn’t.
Instead, I wrote– I’m sending love, for words are pointless right now.
And that is the truth.
