Hear What People Are Really Saying
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have.
How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others.
For instance:
- We listen to obtain information.
- We listen to understand.
- We listen for enjoyment.
- We listen to learn.
Given all the listening that we do, you would think we'd be good at it!
In fact most of us are not, and research suggests that we only remember between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear.
That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, kids, or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation.
Turn it around and it reveals that when you are receiving directions or being presented with information, you aren't hearing the whole message either.
You hope the important parts are captured in your 25-50 percent, but what if they're not?
Clearly, listening is a skill that we can all benefit from improving.
By becoming a better listener, you can improve your productivity, as well as your ability to influence, persuade and negotiate. What's more, you'll avoid conflict and misunderstandings. All of these are necessary for home and workplace success!
So how to we become Active Listeners
There are five key active listening techniques you can use to help you become a more effective listener:
1. Pay Attention
Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the message. Recognize that non-verbal communication also "speaks" loudly.
- Look at the speaker directly.
- Put aside distracting thoughts.
- Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal!
- Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. For example, side conversations.
- "Listen" to the speaker's body language
2. Show That You're Listening
Use your own body language and gestures to show that you are engaged.
- Nod occasionally.
- Smile and use other facial expressions.
- Make sure that your posture is open and interested.
- Lean forward in the speaker's direction
- Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and "uh huh."
3. Provide Feedback
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect on what is being said and to ask questions.
- Reflect on what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is... ," and "Sounds like you are saying... ," are great ways to reflect back.
- Ask questions to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you say... ." "Is this what you mean?" Or What does this mean to you?
- Summarize the speaker's comments periodically.
I
f you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so. And ask for more information: "I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. What I thought you just said is XXX. Is that what you meant?"
You may also respond emotionally with sadness or joy. Let them know that you are connecting emotionally to their situation.
4. Refrain from Judgment
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.
- Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions.
- Don't interrupt with counter arguments.
- This is not the time to get into a verbal battle. It's only the time to listen.
5. Respond Appropriately
Active listening is designed to encourage respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting her down.
- Be candid, open and honest in your response.
- Assert your perspectives and feedback respectfully.
- Treat the other person in a way that you think she would want to be treated.
Start using active listening techniques today to become a better communicator, improve your workplace productivity, and develop better relationships.
QUOTE FROM EGW: This quote talks about humbling ourselves. It also talks about looking to Jesus and listening for His voice. Doing this will help us in our relationships. Here's the quote from Thoughts form the Mount of Blessing:
"He who beholds Christ in His self-denial, His lowliness of heart, will be constrained to say, as did Daniel when he beheld One like the sons of men, "My comeliness was turned in me into corruption." ... Human nature is ever struggling for expression, ready for contest; but he who learns of Christ is emptied of self, of pride, of love of supremacy, and there is silence in the soul. Self is yielded to the disposal of the Holy Spirit. Then we are not anxious to have the highest place. We have no ambition to crowd and elbow ourselves into notice; but we feel that our highest place is at the feet of our Saviour.
We look to Jesus, waiting for His hand to lead, listening for His voice to guide. The apostle Paul had this experience, and he said, "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me."-Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing, 14, 15.
CONCLUSION
The only way we can all be better listeners in our homes and at work is to start with kneeling at the feet of Jesus, humbling ourselves to be like Him. There, we can be open to listening to His words of wisdom, and experience love as it was meant to be experienced.
Hand in hand with Jesus we can feel love, live love, and share love. There, we can increase in our hearing of God's direction, and we can grow to be better listeners in our relationships.
Our prayer this morning is that we will surrender to accepting God's love and forgiveness. Only then can we be ready vessels to give His Love away, and really see and hear the needs in our world today.
