ISSUE 32                                                                                                                                                                                     FEBRUARY 2019
It is difficult to debate that trust is a prerequisite to living a healthy life. We trust the sun will return even after a string of cloudy days. We trust other drivers will stay in their lanes. We trust that our loved ones will come home when they say they will. And yet, of course, sometimes our trust is broken.

As was said in our Soul Matters Sharing Circle: "Everyone's heart is wrestling with a loss of faith in its own way. The trust you need to repair is likely different than mine. What we both long for is safe space. Space to say how hard that work of repair is. Space to say how much it hurts to have to repair it in the first place."

We need to trust to form relationships and live at a less-exhausting level than high alert. Yet, trust exposes us to heartbreak.

Our quest, in becoming a people of trust, is to ask ourselves whether we are trustworthy? Do we do what we say? What gets in the way? Do we trust ourselves? And, importantly, how do we return to life when our trust has been broken? What do we do when we have broken the trust of another?

These are hard and important questions. Humans are hard-wired to be in relationship and trust allows relationships to form and endure.

In looking at trust this month, we find ourselves between the theme of possibility (January) and journey (March). That is a stunningly appropriate way to begin a year. We imagine the possibilities by casting our vision wide and naming and stepping over obstacles through courage and risk. We then set our sights on where we are going and what we are doing. And in the in between we make decisions about what we can trust along the way.

It should be an interesting month.  See you on Sunday.
Lately I've noticed more and more of our members are talking to me about challenges in their relationships. At the root of many of the conversations are questions about trust. Do I trust this person to be there for me? Why did this person I love do this thing that broke our trust? How can we strengthen and build on our relationship so that it's better in the future?

These are key questions in any long-term relationship, and it's been my experience that a piece of the puzzle is remembering that trust is something that is built over time. And it is something that can be lost in a single dramatic act, or worn down like a stone, slowly, but surely, with time, exposure and neglect.
 
As a married man I know I've fallen short in my relationship repeatedly throughout the years, though thankfully more often in ordinary ways instead of dramatic ones. And that is why it was such a comfort to me years ago to read the research of John & Julie Gottman about the ways that some relationships last, and others fail.
 
Part of what their research revealed was that, surprisingly, couples that stayed together and couples that broke up had conflicts at about the same rate of frequency. It wasn't that couples that broke up fought more, it was how they fought that mattered. And, as importantly, the Gottman's research suggested that for all the communications guides that call on us to be our best selves in fights, that wasn't what staying together required either. In many cases it wasn't even a reasonable expectation. The difference was whether or not the partners engaged in what they came the call "The Four Horsemen." 

In their research, couples who attacked their partners personality or character, insulted or verbally abused their partner, acted defensively, or stonewalled conversations about key and important issues systematically eroded the trust between them over time. And so it was the couples that avoided these behaviors that managed to make it through their disagreements while building trust over time that stayed together for the long haul.
 
They suggest that instead of engaging in the four horsemen behavior, those of us who want to have our relationships last our whole life long learn to start gently when there's an issue we're unhappy about, build a culture of appreciation, take responsibility for our own part of the problems, and learn how to take breaks to calm down without withdrawing completely from difficult conversations.
 
If we want to build trust in our relationships, at home, at church, at work, or in our extended families, I think we would all do well to heed this advice. And if you're interested in learning more, check out the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work."
February begins with our senior high youth group leading the worship services on Sunday, February 3. They will be leading the Time for All Ages and sharing homilies highlighting insights and stories about trust and what it means in their lives. This will be a great way to get us all reflecting on how foundational trust is in our lives and to our faith.

Kindergarten through fifth graders will be guided by these takeaways about trust for the month: 

Week of February 3: I can be Trustworthy
Week of February 10: L ove is built on Trust
Week of February 17: Trust your gut
Week of February 24: We can rebuild Trust

Each week's reflection and exploration time will be introduced by a story, followed by some shared reflection and then centers that allow the children to get to know one another and build friendships (building trust) while they have fun. They can build, use water colors, create collages, act out stories, etc. We're noticing more joy and more play in our RE rooms since this change to our way of doing RE.

Full Week Faith family packets will be available to help families (whatever size and age makeup) on the website and in printed form on the table in the RE hallway. There are story suggestions, music to listen to, meditation suggestions and even some activities to do together or with a friend to take on the idea of What it means to be people of Trust. So, if you are one person living alone, have three roommates, you take your grandchildren out to eat once-a-week or you're a household of parent and children, take a look for some fun suggestions to take our theme deeper.
Welcome to my corner of IGNITE! Being the new kid on the block, I thought that I would share a bit about myself and what my role is here at Jefferson Unitarian.

My name is Nick (the one on the left), and I have taken the place of our former Congregational Connection Coordinator, Beth Leyba. Before moving out to the Denver area in early fall of last year, my husband Jason and I lived in Madison, Wisconsin. Our shared passion for exploration and seeing the world drove us to take a leap to somewhere we had never been before. I have loved every moment of our adventure thus far - diving into mountainous wilderness of the Rockies, getting a taste of big city life, and experiencing the wonder of how diverse the world we live in is.

Though my background is in science and data, what really fans my flame is a passion for helping people. My role here will include coordinating Sunday Shared Ministry volunteers, planning for events like the Golden Circle Luncheons, and facilitating Going Deeper groups. I also hope to utilize my experience in database usage to help connect the skills and interests that you all possess with suitable opportunities at Jefferson Unitarian.

I chose to call my column in this newsletter Kindling Kinship. I geek out over alliteration, but there is another reason for putting "kinship" in the title besides a love of high school English class. Something that I have held near and dear to my heart since learning about it is the Buddhist understanding of interdependence - that nothing exists independently without the many causes and conditions that lead to it. Kinship, to me, is an understanding of this fact that no one exists apart from everyone else. Families go through life together, supporting each other in trying times and sharing joy in happier moments. I hope that my words here in this column and my work elsewhere will give our community many opportunities to join together as kith and kin.

Before I finish, I would like to thank everyone for their words of welcome and encouragement since I began in this position. One of the first things I noticed about Jefferson Unitarian was its designation as a Welcoming Congregation - in my opinion, few things could be more accurate to describe this church. I hope to return the love to you all as I move forward here!
In This Issue
Welcome Our New Members
Roger Hill is retired and enjoys meditating and hiking. 

Brad and Mary Carson are returning "new" members. Welcome back!

Julia and Eric Meade come to us from the UU Church of Arlington, VA, and they enjoy reading, hiking, parenting and travel. 
All UU Need is Love

Saturday, March 9
6-9 p.m. 

Mark your calendars for an evening of  fun, food, libations, entertainment, fellowship, and of course fundraising! We'll have a photo booth, games, and fabulous entertainment. 
Costumes always add to the fun. 

Children will have their own special auction! Food, activities, and entertainment just for them! 

We still need lots of donations and helpers to make the night a success!

So please. . . . 
and
today!

Contact:  Sarah Babcock
We Are Family
1st Wednesdays & 
3rd Fridays
5:30 p.m. Dinner
6:30 p.m. Worship

Join us twice per month for a fellowship dinner ($5 per person) followed by a lively and brief family-centered worship. We use ritual, song and story for a multi-age worship that fills the heart and grows the spirit. All ages are encouraged to attend. 

February Menu:
Wednesday, February 6:
Chicken Pot Pie
Friday, February 22:
Chicken Tortilla Soup
Making Room Update-ish
In case you're wondering, the search for a new, larger campus for JUC has not disappeared into the vast, unknown reaches of the universe. We know there's been little news to report for what seems like forever, but the wheels are still turning. They're just very, very quiet wheels. The searching continues, and yes, the leading contender still exists.

We can report that the Design Criteria Document is almost finished. JUC member/architect Kevin Keady has done a yeoman's job of amassing and consolidating remarks and opinions from nitty gritty staff and lay meetings last fall. The document lays out JUC's space needs for everything from worship and music to hospitality to sustainability to justice/community work. This is turning into an impressive and extraordinarily useful tool for an architect...when that day arrives.
Possibility and Planned Giving
Possibilities are limitless.
Chocolate candy wrapper wisdom says that "You can do anything, but you cannot do everything." Choices we make distinguish between who we could be and who we become. Wise choices are not easy to make. JUC and UU values are one pillar that helps us make wise choices.

Estate planning is an opportunity to make wise choices about not only the end of our lives but also the security and health of our families when our careers and children are young. We have an opportunity to define our wishes should the unexpected occur. If we don't have a plan, state law determines what happens.

Estate law does not provide for the institutions and ideals you want to foster. We must make choices and incorporate that in our estate planning documents to make it come true. We invite you to make an estate plan that includes JUC as a beneficiary. Current and future members will thank you!

Contact JUC's planned giving coordinators: Bud Meadows , Mike Kramer or Carol Wilsey .
Trust the process. This is a phrase that I hear a lot in seminary. It sounds like surrender and as Unitarian Universalists we often resist the idea of surrender. We have lots of questions: what am I surrendering to? Why am I surrendering? What happens if I surrender? Am I giving up control? And there's the rub - we don't want to give up control. It suggests that we have also given up our use of reason.

Is it possible to surrender without giving up control? To surrender with full use of our faculties of reason? Some people discuss surrender as a spiritual practice, but what I want to explore here is the idea of surrendering to a spiritual practice, or specifically to surrender to change. Many people chose a spiritual practice because they want to be changed, they hope to be changed. And yet, we resist. We resist in many ways. Sometimes we resist by not doing our practice. Sometimes we resist by doing our practice while we're distracted. Sometimes we resist by doing our practice without any grounding towards meaning. We want the effects without it actually changing us. As human beings, we tend to have a mistrust of change.    

With a mistrust of change, comes a resistance to surrender. Can we achieve the benefits of spiritual practice without surrendering? One way to look at surrender is to look at the idea of stopping resistance, or trusting change.

The selection of a spiritual practice should be based on your understanding of the world. Your spiritual practice should help you to more deeply engage with your existence in the world and guide you in achieving what you think is the ultimate goal of human life. So the hope is that you have selected a practice that is line with your belief and thus you can trust the change brought by your practice.

As we continue to explore themes of spiritual practice, I encourage you ask questions. How has your spiritual practice changed you? Where have you resisted change? Why have you resisted change? What do you trust? Where can you trust the process or practice?
Trust and Trusteeship

February's worship theme is "trust."  As always with worship themes, I look forward to hearing what our ministers have to say about trust in their sermons, and how our hymns that we sing together will speak of it. I know that I will learn new insights and have my old values strengthened by the wisdom of their words. I love that the elements of our worship services are woven together so well around a common message and theme. The readings, the music, the sermon all resonate together, and give us much to reflect on.

I've also been thinking about what "trust" means to me. Here's what some visionaries and authorities say it means:  
  • Merriam-Webster (a dictionary I trust) defines trust as: "A ssured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something."
  • Brené Brown speaks about the "anatomy of trust" as including boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, non-judgment, and generosity (BRAVING).
  • "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it." ~  Warren Buffett .  
  • "Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships." ~ S tephen Covey
We trade in trust every day - often people and institutions live up to our trust in them, sometimes mistakes are made, and they don't, and sometimes our trust is flat-out betrayed.

I know that trust is central to my life - both my inner and outer lives. I trust my loved ones and my beloved community at JUC to be there with love and care for me, to support me when I need it and to ask me for help when they need it. I trust the people I work with to deal with me fairly and truthfully, and to work hard together toward our common goals. And, I work at living with kindness, love, and integrity, to be worthy of the trust of others.  

Sometimes, the hardest piece is to trust myself. I think that, like love and peace, trust must begin with me. It's important to listen to the inner voice telling me to trust myself.

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let us all trust ourselves.

I am truly honored and grateful that the JUC community trusts me to serve as a member of the Board of Trustees.
Trust and Crossing Borders
In my articles for IGNITE this year, I've been sharing stories from Sabbatical, relating time in meditation retreats and teaching at a girls' school, participating in a conference of the International Conference of Unitarians and Universalists, and going on an Evensong Tour on the Pacific Coast and at General Assembly. For February's month of "Trust," the title of "Crossing Borders" actually refers to a place much closer to home - not India or Nepal, not even California - a place that is perhaps the most multicultural space that I enter locally with regularity: the sauna at my gym.

In this hot and dry room, the temperature draws sweat within a few short minutes, the body heats up, and the gathered people often will chat with one another. In the sauna at the Arvada and Broomfield 24 Hour Fitness, I have heard English, Spanish, Vietnamese, Russian, Chinese, and other Asian and Eastern European languages that I couldn't identify. This is a room that brings together people of many languages, backgrounds, ages, political identities, races, classes, and fitness levels. Perhaps people are there for recovery after their workouts, or to flush toxins from their system, to relieve stress, to burn calories, or just to feel good. For individual reasons, people enter this small, cozy, and intimate room, and place themselves next to total strangers - not unlike entering an elevator - knowing that in order to use this space to accomplish goals, they will have to be with one another for a time.

Many times, there is joking and laughing among folks who don't know one another, often sharing aches and pains, or fitness tips. I've observed this across ages, genders, couples and individuals.

Sometimes most of the people in the sauna are quiet, and two people will enter and have a conversation with one another as if the others weren't present. Recently, I heard a young, white, heterosexual couple talk to one another about how they hoped to increase their gun collection. Another time, I was surprised when in an otherwise quiet yet full sauna one man on his phone talked about how "Denver was dry at the moment but there was going to be a big shipment coming in soon" and he wanted to be ready for it. I've rarely been so close to people who are openly communicating about drugs and guns.

Not long ago, I was alone in the sauna reading a magazine, and a man entered and sat down. After a moment, he asked if I was reading the "New Yorker." He was correct: he had identified the distinctive typeface, even upside down, and began sharing with me how he had read the magazine for years. We got into a conversation about environmentalism, the benefits or downsides of actually visiting New York (he prefers London, which has better shows and meals), his hope to travel to Vietnam someday, and back to environmentalism, as the New Yorker article was reporting on research that said that things were worse than we previously thought. 

The sauna, where folks sit with few clothes, sweaty and hot, is the most multi-cultural and diverse space that I enter regularly, and I don't have to get on an airplane. I invite you to consider if there is a place that you feel enough trust to cross a border to have a conversation or witness interactions that are new for you.

The Unitarian Universalist College of Social Justice has suggestions for cross-cultural engagement. The College proposes:
  • If you've never been to a mosque, make a plan to visit one.
  • If you've never been to a worship service hosted by another racial group or in a language different from your own, set aside time for a firsthand experience.
  • Shop at a grocery store from a different ethnic group than your own. Ask the folks who work there for support in purchasing the ingredients for a meal that is new to you. Go home and try the recipe out.
After trying one of these activities, spend some time in reflection and capture your thoughts and feelings in your journal. What do you see, feel, and learn about yourself as you sit in a different cultural context?
 
Celebrate the Guatemala Scholarship Program

The Guatemala Scholarship program is celebrating the completion of another successful year of fundraising and relationship building with the Rabinal community. The generous donations from the JUC community and from the congregation of our partner, the UU church of Arlington, Virginia, have made it possible to add seven new scholarship students in 2019 for a total of 67 students.  

We are very excited that another great group of five JUC families will be traveling to Rabinal this July to share experiences with the scholarship students and visit their schools and their homes. The students and their families value the visits from their JUC contemporaries because they are able to show their appreciation for the 
scholarship  support and because knowing the level of education of another country motivates them to keep fighting to improve their living conditions and that of their communities. On their part, the JUC families are given an opportunity to see firsthand what a significant impact the scholarship program can have on the lives of the students and their community.

The JUC Guatemala Scholarship Program began in 2007 with 5 students. Through the years we have increased the number of students only when we can commit to supporting them through their graduation from secondary school. This year is no different. These seven new students will be able to pursue their education without interruptions due to lack of funds. Local human rights organization ADIVIMA administers the program guided by principles that they established when the program
began. Scholarships are assigned to students with scarce economic resources who are the children or grandchildren of survivors of serious human rights violations committed during the armed conflict and during the construction of the Chixoy hydroelectric dam in the civilian population Maya Achi in the rural area of Baja Verapaz, Guatemala.

In order to balance gender inequity and provide opportunities for girls as well as boys to move out of extreme poverty and improve their living condition, three quarters of recipients have been young women, and one quarter have been young men.

Students and their families agree to participate fully in the school program and maintain a designated standard. Scholarship funds can be used for payment of tuition, purchase of school supplies, purchase of school uniforms, transportation, typing classes, computing, and other supplies required during the process of training and learning.

Student success has been greatly enhanced by the introduction of a full time bilingual tutor paid for out of scholarship funds. Since 2014 the tutor has been working with students to overcome difficulties including inadequate instruction in the classroom, lack of help from parents because most have little or no education themselves, lack of community resources (library, bookstore, internet for research), and long distances between home and chosen schools. He has been very successful in guiding low performing students to a successful completion of each school year.

During the 12 years that JUC has supported the program, forty-five scholarship recipients have graduated with High School diplomas giving them qualifications in accounting, business, elementary education, and college prep and more. In 2018 Allan Alexander Manuel Iboy, pictured with his grandmother and sister and Santo Rosario Manuel Ixpata, was awarded his degree. According to ADIVIMA the program is contributing to the formation of a corps of professionals conscious of their Maya Achi heritage who by being leaders and defenders of human rights can be part of ensuring that their communities are not revictimized in the future.

If you are already contributing to the program, thank you for your support. If you would like to make a contribution we offer two choices: a one time contribution or an automatic monthly donation from your bank account. Both are processed through the JUC office so make a check payable to JUC with Guatemala Scholarship in the memo line or give permission for a monthly withdrawal by filling in a form and attaching a voided check. The forms can be found in Guatemala Scholarship brochures available in the office or on the Justice Council Board in the south commons.

Together we will continue to provide hope and opportunity to an amazing group of young Mayan students.
 
Habitat for Humanity Update

Home Dedication

On Wednesday, January 9, the West Metro Habitat Interfaith Coalition dedicated the home JUCers helped to build last year to Starlynn and Froilan and their three children: Claudia, Angelina, and Erasmo. For the first time, the teenage girls will have a room of their own. The family was living in a cramped apartment, rent for which cost 60% of their household income. Now they will have an affordable mortgage and the stability of living in the same place, knowing the same neighbors, and going to the same schools year after year. 

Starlynn and Froilan have each put in 200 hours of "sweat equity" on theirs and other Habitat homes and completed 18 hours of household management classes. These are requirements for all prospective Habitat homeowners, who are twice as likely as the average American homeowner to have (and stick to) a household budget. Everyone needs a foundation to build a future, and toward that end Habitat for Humanity has been lending a hand up to underserved families in Denver for 40 years. Last year alone Habitat Metro Denver built 40 new homes and provided major repairs on 40 more. Most of the repair work was done on senior citizens' homes to enable them to continue to live in them. Thank you to the JUC volunteers who pitched in last year. To Starlynn and Froilan, welcome home!

  
 
2019 House

JUCers have been helping to build a H4H home in West Metro Denver every year since 1999. This year's house will be in the block at 43rd Avenue and Elizabeth Street, just south of I-70 two blocks east of York Street in the Elyria Swansea neighborhood. The site will comprise 32 new homes (16 duplexes) altogether. Construction on our house commences in April and is scheduled for completion in August. Stay tuned for JUC build days, which will be announced via member-to-member e-mail as soon as the dates are assigned. Looking forward to seeing lots of JUC volunteers this summer for a few days of hard work and good fun, all for a great cause.
 
Keeping the Promise

JUC uses a year round pledge system in which each household is asked annually during their pledging month to consider their pledge for the following twelve months. I'd like to share with you why I give to JUC, by way of a story.

In 2010 I quit my job. It was wonderful. I was beholden to no one, and the possibilities were endless. I backpacked in the Appalachian mountains. I took my sister on a trip across Europe. And when I settled down from adventuring, I started honing my skills for my newly chosen profession: video game creator. As I spent my days in my apartment cheerily learning the rudiments of object-oriented programming, something happened. Without structure or support, I lost direction. The endless possibilities began to seem paralyzing. Each day I spent less time learning how to make games, and more time playing them. Over the course of a few months, I changed from a budding programmer to a game addict. We're talking World-of-Warcraft-bad, if that means anything to you. I withdrew to the point that I rarely left my room. Isolation bred isolation. I was turning away from life.

Fortunately, friends and family invited me back into life. My aunt asked me to watch her children for a week. Friends joined with me to start a running club. I was invited to play music with adults with disabilities once a week. Unbidden, community had pulled me back into living with meaning.

That experience taught me how much I need community to live a complete life. This church offers me those much-needed connections in abundance. Joining a small group let me forge deep and meaningful friendships and explore my values. Choir rehearsals provide a sacred oasis in the middle of my week, and singing with others as one voice to share in worship with you is one of the most profound experiences of my life. Ringing in the handbell choir is a joy (plus joining it scored me a solid "in" with my future partner's mom).

Pledging affirms my connection to JUC. It is both a symbol that I belong to the community, and a concrete act that supports all those things I love about JUC. Giving to the church reminds me that my life is inextricably interwoven with those around me, and that embracing that connection leads to greater meaning and unexpected possibilities.

Increasing my pledge renews my commitment to this church, reminds me of its gifts, and binds me more closely with it. I give because I need community. I give to support this community. I give because the act of giving itself joins me with this community that I love. As my connection with JUC has grown, I've grown my pledge amount as well. I hope that when it is your turn to pledge that you will think about what JUC means in your life and consider making an increase.