September's Newsletter Theme:
'Back to School; back to 'normal'? .. or NOT'
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New! FOUR Helpful Articles! Look Inside! |
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What's 'normal' now, anyway? |
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a non profit 501(c)3
Because of you and our simple MISSION, more
kids are being protected, more adult survivors served!
NAASCA has a single purpose, to address issues related to childhood abuse and trauma including sexual assault, violent or physical abuse, emotional traumas and neglect .. and we do so from two specific perspectives:
- educating the public, especially as related to getting society over the taboo of discussing childhood sexual abuse, presenting the facts that show child abuse to be a pandemic, worldwide problem that affects everyone
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offering hope for healing through numerous paths, providing many services to adult survivors of child abuse and information for anyone interested in the many issues involving prevention, intervention and recovery
Building a survivor / activist / professional community ... because together we can do what we cannot do alone.
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JOIN! NAASCA's daytime Recovery Meetings
- ZOOM series - 3 times/week, 2pm EST!
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To all NAASCA members,
We're delighted to invite you to join our NAASCA daytime series on ZOOM.
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No advanced registration is required !!
We're using a new ZOOM Meeting ID#: 769 832 8303
NAASCA's daytime Recovery Meetings, are now held Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays, coming to you virtually on ZOOM. They are hosted by volunteers who lead the meetings.
Please join us, if you wish! You can choose to appear on-camera or not, it's up to you. But no recording is allowed. Every adult is invited to participate. These will be Q&A discussion meetings.
Let's meet virtually – since we're all 'stuck' at home!
WHEN: Every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday – 2pm EST / 11am PAC
TOPIC: NAASCA's daytime Recovery Meetings
ZOOM.us - Meeting ID#: 769 832 8303
PLEASE PASS IT ON!!!! Linda and I are looking forward to having you join us!
Yours in love and service,
Bill
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Welcome to the Sept 2020 NAASCA Newsletter
Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter mailing list!
Please encourage others to get in touch by suggesting they
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This month's newsletter theme is:
'Back to School; back to'normal'? .. or NOT'
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Upcoming September Dates
National Preparedness Month
Childhood Cancer Awareness Month
National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month
National School Success Month
Sept 07 - Labor Day
Sept 11 - Patriot Day
Sept 12 - Selichot
Sept 18 - Rosh Hashana (Start)
Sept 21 - St Matthew
Sept 22 - Start of Fall (Autumnal Equinox)
Sept 23 - Saint Padre Pio
Sept 27 - Yom Kippur Starts
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A NOTE FROM BILL
Exciting news !!! NAASCA has gone Spanish !!!
We've launched our first Spanish pages on the NAASCA web site.
To get there simply enter the word 'espanol' after the regular URL .. like this:
The CONTACT page identifies the volunteers who are helping get the Spanish portion of the NAASCA effort up and running.
You're familiar with the English site's tools, services, and resources, and we'll be duplicating many of them in Spanish.
If you encounter other bi-lingual or Spanish folks send them to our two new 'NAASCA en Español' Facebook groups, one PUBLICO, the other CERRADO.
Please share this info to our Latino NAASCA family members!
And remember, we now do THREE 'special guest' episodes each week .. every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
We'll need additional guests to tell their stories in February .. so there are now several slots open that we want to fill in! Please send me an email if you'd like to participate: Bmurray3rd@aol.com
The 'Current Schedule' on the front page of our NAASCA.org web site accurately reflects the OPEN dates (clearly marked in GRAY).
Here's looking ahead for a wonderful New Year in 2020!!
In gratitude to each of you, I am .. yours in service,
Bill
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Dedicate your birthday to supporting NAASCA
by Bill Murray
Recently, and all of a sudden, it was that time again .. my BIRTHDAY !!! .. (March 26, 1953)
It seems like this happens every year! LOL
There are numerous ways to support our truly unique organization.
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Or, if you prefer, join our LinkedIn group!
We're building a survivor / activist community!
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NAASCA's SCAN Shows are Now on Three Platforms!
All our "Stop Child Abuse Now" talk radio shows are now available as 'on-demand' podcasts on three different platforms!
by Bill Murray
It's amazing, but NAASCA and our 'sister effort' LACP (Los Angeles Community Policing) have produced over 3000 "Stop Child Abuse Now" and "Community Matters This Week" talk radio shows!
We do our shows on BlogTalkRadio five-nights-a-week, all but Saturday and Sunday evenings, and each is recorded as it's being aired. It doesn't take long for the library to add up.
Now there are three ways to access these podcasts:
1. Directly through our NAASCA web site's 'ARCHIVES' by simply clicking on the episode's name (a number)
2. By using APPLE Podcasts for iPhone-style mobile devices – thanks to Dwight Hurych, North Carolina, for setting this up as a NAASCA volunteer!
3. Through GOOGLE Podcasts for those who use Android phones – thanks to Charm Isom-Asenime for explaining how to hear our shows on the GOOGLE Podcast platform, too,
NAASCA's 'ARCHIVES' are accessed through the NAASCA website's HOME page where it says 'current schedule'. Each year is listed there.
Please see full details, including how to download the Apple and Google Podcast apps, on the NAASCA website page:
I am so pleased that NAASCA has increased its outreach through these two additional venues!
Please help us SHARE about these new platforms by spreading the word to as many survivors and advocates you can.
We hope this enhances our ability to execute our mission: educating the public about childhood abuse, and offering hope and healing to survivors.
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Back to School;
back to…'normal'?
... or NOT"
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How to Navigate the COVID Version of Back to School, Especially When Dealing with Home Abuse?
It is almost September. That means either schools have started, or school will start in the next two weeks. For many people, navigating hybrid or online classes has created a set of problem. How do working parents work? How are parents supposed to help teach their children? The only thing everyone can agree upon is that this is far from normal.
However, one group of people who have a totally different set of concerns and issues are those living in an abusive home. Children trying to survive physical, verbal, or sexual abuse depend on the break school provides to either seek help or breath. For those brief 6 hours, these children are not subjected to the horrors that occur at home.
Yet, this year, at least though January, these children are stuck at home at least 2 days a week, if not more. They may never receive an education online. Instead, they may be attempting to finds their next meal, cover up the scars, or avoid another beating and beratement. We, as survivors, must step up. We must step out o our zone of worrying about our lives and protect those too young to protect themselves.
What Can We Do While We Are Home with Our Families?
We all have a superpower. We can spot a victim because we are survivors. We need to tap into our superpower now more than ever.
The first thing we can do to help is pay attention. When we are out and about, pay attention to our neighbors. Pay attention to their kids. You know what to look for. Kids that are withdrawn, seem genuinely afraid, or have an excuse for everything may be victims at home.
Check on the kids regularly. When you think you see a victim, become a safe place. Of course, you can report information immediately, However, if you want more certainty that the child is a victim, let him or her know they can come to you. Become an ally (without being creepy).
Offer the parents help. Offer to take the child after hybrid sessions or during the school day to teach them as well as your own child. Make it an offer the parent cannot refuse. Do not ask for money. Offer it for free to give the child a chance to escape. Let the child trust you so they open up and you can help.
Whatever you do, remember, you are not alone. Reach out to your friends at NASCAA to get help. It can be difficult and trigger you as you help. However, as a survivor, your goal is to help another survive and move on.
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Deb Ferguson, NAASCA volunteer
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"Back to School,
back to 'normal’?
... or NOT"
Autumn is a time of excitement; a time when teachers and school personnel busily squeeze twelve hours of preparation and meetings into an eight-hour workday. There is an anticipation as fresh as the newly shampooed entry carpet and the shiny, buffed tile in the cafeteria. But this year is different. Uneasiness has been thrown into the mix-something few veteran teachers have experienced since their earliest years in the classroom and an added stressor for the novice educator.
Education looks different and nobody holds the answer to the million-dollar question, “When will school get back to normal?” However, the need for normalcy, structure, and relationship are perhaps even more important than they had been in the pre-Covid classroom. After all, many students have been trapped with their abuser(s) with limited respite for five months. Their systems are overloaded with toxic stress and chemicals such as cortisol.
Foster Normalcy
How can teachers create a safe, welcoming environment for students living with trauma under the current unusual circumstances?
Whether your students are seated at desks that meet socially-distanced guidelines, you’re teaching fully online, or according to a hybrid schedule, there are several ways you can invite normalcy into the classroom. A few ideas are listed below.
- Ask one or two students to begin class by sharing something for which he or she is thankful.
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Be willing to address fear, anxiety, and worry. If you work with young students, look for books that deal with some of these difficult topics. Two of my favorites are Ruby Finds a Worry by Tom Percival and The Invisible String by Patrice Karst:
- Consider having older students journal on a regular basis. They can confront some of these concepts in a format that invites further discussion.
- End class by giving one or two students a positive affirmation each day.
Be Aware of the Abnormal
Regardless of the educational setting, teachers are likely to notice more significant behavior problems or withdrawal issues among those children with trauma.
Educators teaching lessons in-person have the distinct advantage of being able to more easily recognize neglect, notice marks or bruises, or respond to a child’s disclosure of abuse.
Teachers conducting lessons via Zoom or through similar platforms may notice some of the hallmark signs of abuse mentioned above. In addition, they have an opportunity to get a glimpse of family life. How are the parents and children interacting? Does the child flinch or appear anxious when a certain person enters the room? Is the child truant frequently?
Trust your instincts. If you suspect abuse, report it. A child’s life may depend upon it.
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Tammy Kennington, NAASCA Volunteer
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.. back to 'normal'?
At 45 I find myself feeling traumatized with everything that is going on in the world. 2020 has definitely been a year of evaluation of the soul for me. My heart and thoughts go out to children who are struggling just to live through another day of physical, mental and sexual abuse.
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I have my moments where I cry for the child whom I was once was and the children being abused today. We are taught at a early age stranger danger but the truth is the monster isn’t hiding in the closet or the bushes, the monster sits at our dinner tables, coaches little league, teaches class and is mostly well liked by society.
The monster comes to us as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. The monster a lot of times is the very person who is responsible for keeping us safe. My mind weighs heavy for the children who have been stuck at home with their monsters. For me school was a safe haven. It meant I got a meal and wasn’t hit or touched for a few hours during the day.
For me my life was a nightmare at home but for other children their monsters are at school. I believe awareness is crucial in helping others understand a child molester can be anyone. It’s very seldom the dirty guy hiding in the ally the media portrays.
One of my abusers was the friendly priest whose church was across the street from my grandmother’s house. He paid special attention to all the neighborhood kids, giving them candy and inviting them into the church.
If you notice someone who always wants to be around kids and are always touchy feely, you need to take notice. Watch closely how a child reacts around them. If a child seems nervous or tries to pull away from someone, then let them. There is a reason. Don’t ever force a child to engage with someone they are uncomfortable with.
As an advocate I have talked to several survivors and one of the most unsettling things is a survivor that believes the abuse only took place with them and allow their children or other children around the abuser. A child molesters does not change or get to old to victimize. This is a dangerous misconception.
If your child is going back to school get involved find out who is around your child daily, find out how your children feels about those who walk the hallways of their school. If you’re having to work and leave your child with a baby sister keep an open line of communication with your child about their daily activities. Never leave your child were they may come in to contact with your abusers or known abusers of others.
Always believe what a child tells you. They need a safe place. A child should be able to feel safe at home or school but we know the ugly truth, there are monsters out there and they look just like us.
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© Malisia McKinney (Mia)
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NAASCA’s "Stop Child Abuse Now" (SCAN) shows are broadcast live 5 nights a week, Monday through Friday, LIVE at 8pm EST (so 5pm PST) for 90 minutes, at this link: www.BlogTalkRadio.com/NAASCA
The dedicated call-in number is: 646-595-2118
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If you’ve been reading my articles, you know that I talk a lot about awareness and acceptance. They are crucial to heal from trauma. |
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This article about acceptance is especially hard for me to write because it is about my mother. My mother is many things to me. For a long time, she was the center of my world. I wanted more than anything to get her approval. I believed that somehow she would become the mother I needed if I kept believing and trying.
I knew she did terrible things to me, and as an adult I realized those things were abusive. Yet, I have fond memories of her too. In some ways, the good memories made it harder to accept the truth. I have memories of her singing songs to me, rubbing my stomach when it hurt, and playing games with her.
It broke my heart and made me feel worthless that my mother couldn’t give me the support and unconditional love I so needed. She would stop talking to me every time she got upset with me. Still, I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. When I found out I was pregnant, I reiterated that disappearing from my life couldn’t happen anymore. Being mad or sad is part of life but having nothing to do with me is a different ballgame.
When my daughter was born, I was determined to be the mother to her that I never had. Still, I hoped my mother could be a part of my life, and part of my child’s life. Afterall, she was my mother, and she was now a grandmother. Although I hated what she had done to me, I loved her.
Several times over the course of my daughter’s life my mother got mad at me, and as a result would stop talking to my daughter. I warned my mom that this couldn’t happen. My daughter deserved consistency, and it wasn’t healthy to have my mom in and out of my daughter’s life. It was confusing and painful to try to wrap my mind around that when I was a child, and I didn’t want that happening to my daughter. I told my mom that she and I had to be amicable for my daughter’s sake.
Two years ago, my mother and I got into an argument. On that fateful day she told me she didn’t like me and wanted nothing to do with me. I felt like a knife had been plunged into my heart.
I reminded her that her granddaughter is a child and there was no way she could see my daughter without making some sort of arrangements with me. She refused to communicate with me and sent me an email threatening to sue me for visitation rights. As angry as this made me, it also made me incredibly sad. She would rather take me to court than be cordial with me for the sake of her granddaughter? I knew on a rational level that her behavior was erratic at best but knowing that my mom would go to such lengths to avoid me made me feel like the problem was me. What was wrong with me that my mother could just throw me away?
After decades of wishing upon a star for my mother to love me, I looked at my innocent child and had to face reality. My mother would never be someone I could count on for emotional support. She is incapable of unconditional love. I also knew that if I allowed her in my child’s life, it was inevitable that she would do this to my daughter too.
I knew my mother would eventually contact me (this wasn’t my first rodeo with her), and I made the decision to go no contact with her. I de-friended her on Facebook and removed her from my email and phone contact list. My daughter knew that her grandmother was constantly in and out of her life, and I had to explain to her that that kind of behavior is unacceptable, and I wasn’t going to allow that. One day perhaps I’ll tell my daughter about my horrific childhood, but for now, I want her to know as little as possible. I had my innocence ripped away from me as a child, and I am determined to not have that repeat with my child.
My mother texted me a year ago. She said she missed me and her granddaughter. It took every ounce of strength not to respond.
I’d like to say that I decided to go no contact with my mom because it is what was best for me. Although that is true, the reason I had the courage to do this was because of my daughter. I never wanted her to feel the pain of loving someone who could throw you away without a moment’s hesitation.
I have moments of weakness where I think about the fact that my mother is getting older. I feel a wave of sadness that my mother is now a stranger to me. Guilt absolutely creeps in from time to time, along with grief. I am mourning the loss of the mother I had and the loss of never having the mother I needed.
It is a personal decision to go no contact, and everyone is entitled to decide what is best for them. For those of you that have gone no contact with someone who has brought you tremendous pain and suffering, I hope it brings you some comfort to know that I understand how hard it is to make that choice. I also recognize the bravery and strength it takes to do this.
The biggest piece of advice I can give you when making (and continuing) this choice is to ask yourself if this person is capable of change. The definition of insanity is making the same choice over and over again, expecting a different result. I realized that I was acting insane for being on this endless roller coaster with her, and hoping each time that it could change, that she could change.
It was a hard pill to swallow that I will never have the mother I needed. It took decades of denial for me to get to a place where I was aware and accepted that she cannot be a mother to me in the real sense of the word. Having her in my life would only bring pain to me and to my daughter. I will never allow anyone to do that to my child, even if the perpetrator is my own mother. To give my daughter the childhood that she deserves, I had to close the door on the person who destroyed mine.
I have had to accept a lot of hard truths in my life. Sometimes it took some time for me to get there, and other times I looked awareness and acceptance straight in the eyes. What I’ve learned is that you can’t reach the light at the end of the tunnel unless you are willing to walk through darkness. I never claimed that acceptance and going no contact is easy. However, like Robert Frost said, “I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”
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Randi B. Latzman
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NAASCA's Grateful to All Our Members & Volunteers !
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We Need YOU!
We Need Each Other!
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Fighting For Kids,
Serving Adult Survivors
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Did you know that NAASCA is entirely staffed by non-paid volunteers including the Board of Directors?
All the services, programs, tools, resources, and social media efforts that we offer entirely FREE to anyone, anytime, anywhere in the world are staffed by volunteers from our NAASCA family!
It literally would not be possible without YOU.
There are many ways you can volunteer with NAASCA. If you have a little time or a lot, your help is greatly appreciated and needed. Check out our list of available positions here:
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A gift to NAASCA, created for us by Terri Lanahan of Butte, Montana, author of "Hear My Voice".
This is a tool anyone can download and use as a help whenever making a presentation on child abuse and trauma. It's a set of some two dozen PowerPoint slides that one can show on a laptop, send in an email, or can project on a screen for a larger group. Activist members of the NAASCA family might want to use it to explain any number of aspects of child abuse and trauma recovery.
Terri's wonderful PowerPoint presentation is located on NAASCA web site's 'Promotional Tools' page and in our social media groups.
Show off NAASCA -- our mission, services and tools !
REMEMBER .. On the NAASCA web page you'll find links to how to get even more great help when making presentations or during fundraising:
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Have You Listened to Our Talk Radio Show Lately ?
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Monday through Friday evenings we broadcast an internet-based live streaming talk show. This is one of the best FREE SERVICES we offer to our NAASCA members!
All shows start at 8pm EST (so that's
7pm CEN, 6pm MTN & 5pm PAC)
We really want to hear from you!
Anyone can participate or just listen to the show by calling:
(646) 595-2118
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Are You a Survivor of Child Abuse Looking for Support?
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In need of support in your local community?
NAASCA provides listings for your local area in our Recovery Groups and Services page. We have gathered ALL the English speaking recovery groups and services we can find, not only in North America but from around the world. This list can connect you with numerous agencies, therapy, support groups and other resources in your local area.
Looking for support after hours or from home?
Can't find a group you can get to easily or want to connect when it is after business hours? Needing a way to talk about your story but want to stay anonymous? We also provide a link to another separate listing for Online Groups and Services, for Internet-based recovery groups.
As you can imagine, keeping this listing current and updated is a huge task. You can help other survivors find the support they need.
Submit updates for the 'Recovery Groups List' to Carolin O'Hara:
Submit any updates for the 'Online Resource List' to Valerie:
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You are not alone, and never have to be, a day at a time!
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All members of NAASCA are part of our 'NAASCA family', and that's not just something we say. We care about each other and that includes YOU.
We want you to feel comfortable reaching out to any of our volunteers, with any of your questions about what NAASCA offers, or for help navigating the website.
Even if you simply want someone to talk to when you are dealing with a difficult moment in your recovery as a survivor... we are here for you.
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Some are listed as night owls, some as available 24/7, others are part of our International community, still others are young or helping some specific types of survivors. Try it! |
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A Note from Our Founder and CEO: |
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Healing from child abuse and trauma can be a very lonely journey .. but you'll never be alone again, a day at a time, if you don't want to be !! |
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NAASCA belongs to no other group and receives no outside funding. We're self-supporting through our own members' voluntary contributions. |
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Please consider a one time
or recurring donation.
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Thanking you for all you do in the fight against child abuse and trauma and welcoming you to engage with your NAASCA family, I remain, as always,
Yours in service,
Bill Murray, Founder and CEO
National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse.
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