News from
The RADish Ranch
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Greetings!
Most adoptive or foster parents had a
la vie en rose view of parenting: cookie baking, laughing over board games, finger painting, dance parties in the living room.
And then... trauma. Kids who came home scared and defiant and not wanting any part of being in your family.
BUT, with some trauma-informed modifications and therapeutic parenting, family game time is actually a great way to work on attachment and healing.
Hopefully this list of games and ideas will make this aspect of parenting a little easier for you.
Enjoy & stay safe!
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Karen Poitras
President & Founder
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Remember:
Stay in charge - of everything! Who goes first, what the rules are, etc. Your child needs to feel safe and have low anxiety to be able to enjoy family game time.
Stay therapeutic.
Disruptions, disrespect, and cheating are immediately consequenced. If your kiddo can pull it together and join back in, great! Having them sit like a penguin (legs crossed, back against your leg) will help them feel grounded and connected and allow you to continue playing with all strong people.
Family fun is optional. For real. If your child decides they don't want to join in and be part of the family at this point, that's fine. Give them a hug and take them to their room for some quiet time while you play with the others (for very little ones you can also have them sit like a penguin during the game, as long as they aren't disturbing everyone).
DO NOT LET GAME TIME BE SABOTAGED BY ONE CHILD. If your child refuses to join in, don't cancel family time or postpone it! This will put your child in charge of waaaaay more than they can possibly handle.
Even if you end up having family time by yourself - go for it! It may look different than playing a board game, you might watch a movie, call a friend, or do an art project. Eventually your child will see that you are safe and in charge and fun to be with, and they'll start looking forward to family time.
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Great Games
As a general rule it's best to choose games that have little strategy to them when playing with kids with a trauma background. Their overwhelming need to be better than everyone to survive and their underwhelming sense of self can leave them feeling devastated (read angry and dysregulated) when they lose (or cheat).
Jenga: Easy & fun. A family I know has giant-sized Jenga game to play outside, very cool!
Uno: Quick fun game; cheating littles may need to be on Mom or Dad's team to play.
Carcassonne: I love this game! I recently taught the easy version to my 3-year-old nephew, so it's adaptable for all ages. You can play without points to make it less competitive, too.
Sleeping Grump: This is a co-operative game, all players are working toward one common goal and have to work as a team. Perfect for our little people!
Granny's House: Another co-operative game, all players are working toward one common goal and have to work as a team.
Yahtzee:
Always a fun game, and it's just about cheater-proof.
Rush Hour: Another good co-operative game; everyone works together on freeing the little red car.
Rummikub:
Many different versions and rules are available for this game, and it's a good one to add house rules to to make it work for all ages and abilities.
Word Magic Mixer:
A great word game for beginner spellers, and easy to take on-the-go to play while waiting at appointments.
Puzzles
Puzzles are great for family time if your child is in the stage of extreme competitiveness (thinking if they lose no one will love them/play with them/be their friend so they MUST win at all costs), or if they are in the cheating-to-see-if-you're-watching-them stage.
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Sleeping Grump and Granny's House; oldies, but great for our kiddos and families! Check for them on Amazon or Ebay.
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Not only is play dough great for playing with - it's also a great stress reliever!
This recipe is easy to make, safe to eat*, and stays good for a long time in an airtight container.
*Yes, I know this from personal experience... All kids eat play dough, right?
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Play Dough -it's not just for kids!
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Recipe:
1 cup flour
1/2 cup salt
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
1 cup water
1 tablespoon oil
food colouring
Mix the first 5 ingredients in a pot over medium heat and stir with a wooden spoon until it forms a ball.
Transfer to a cutting board and knead until smooth. When cool add in the food colouring and mix well.
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Paint on paper, large cardboard boxes, on each others arm's and legs (very bonding) or right on the lawn for large, stunning artwork!
Messy for sure, but fun and washable. Join in the painting with your child and make memories!
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Recipe:
2 cups flour
2 teaspoons salt
3 cups cold water
2 cups hot water
food colouring
In a pot over medium heat combine flour, salt, & cold water, and beat until smooth. Add in hot water, bring to a boil, stirring until mixture is glossy. Mix in the food colouring and let cool completely before using.
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Click the image for your printable PDF of this serve & return catcher.
It's a quick and easy game to play when you only have a few minutes, are waiting in line, or sitting at the doctor's office!
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This is My Story
A podcast of stories from parents, kids, and professionals about life with Reactive Attachment Disorder - from crazy moments to healing journeys.
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Box 58, Mariapolis, MB. R0K 1K0
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