Last month I wrote about my
"Lessons from Abroad."
My trip was exactly what I needed: six weeks to become an independent woman, build my courage, and reaffirm that I loved teaching and wanted to keep doing so. What I didn't expect is nearly dying a year after my late husband did. Perhaps I needed more lessons about myself and life? Here's my story of how I didn't die alone in France:
I became violently ill a week before I was supposed to come home. Although I'd never had it before, I incorrectly assumed that I had a terrible case of food poisoning. Long story short, with wheelchair assistance, I flew home early for medical care and ended up in surgery for a perforated, ruptured appendicitis. I awoke with four tubes in my body, spent a painful week in the hospital, and took another seven weeks to heal well enough to go back to work. My planned six-week sabbatical lasted an unexpected three months.
Everyone who has heard this story said that it must have been scary, but I never felt scared (admittedly, I had no idea how close to death I was). Being alone didn't mean I was lonely. Even though the doctors were amazed that I made it home, I've always been a very determined person with the ability to really dial in and be calm when life gets serious. Getting back to my family and not dying alone in France was my sole focus on that painful journey home. When in a survival situation, experts say that hope is the most powerful motivator to make it out alive. For me, I wanted to see my loved ones again. Without them, I don't know that I would have survived that life-altering experience. I didn't realize how important my family was to me until I nearly died. When faced with tough situations, what
do you live for?
In retrospect I wonder, did I manifest my illness to prove to myself that I can survive alone under dire circumstances? It may sound weird to say, but I'm grateful for the experience because of what I learned from it: now without a doubt, I know that I am independent, courageous, and strong only because of people who love and support me every day. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for my life and everyone in it.
