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What's the most famous Sales Joke in the world? Here's one nomination, and my version of it.
Mike S.
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Like the Aristocrats Joke, but Clean
The "Aristocrats" is the most famous joke in stand up comedy. All famous comedians tell their own unique interpretation of it. It's too offensive to print here, but every version has the same setup ("a family walks into a Talent Agent's office"), and the same punchline ("We're the Aristocrats")
Having been on the speaker circuit for about five years, I've heard lots of old chestnuts many times. Here are some of the most common one-liners:
- "I took a $50,000 loss and tripled it in 3 years"
- "We are going to have a sales contest this month. The winners will get to enter next month's contest."
- "Want to make a small fortune in XYZ Sales? Start with a large one"
You'll see lots of variations on this joke:
- Salesman: "This computer will cut your workload by 50 percent."
- Office manager: "That's great! I'll take two of them."
My personal favorite is a version of an old Lou Holtz one-liner:
- Sales Manager: You are lazy, your orders are a mess, and you are always late
- Sales Rep: Well, it's defects like that that keep me from getting a better job!
If you hear enough sales speakers, you'll hear all of these sooner or later. When told properly, they are still funny.
Probably the king of sales jokes was made famous by Zig Ziglar. Here's my version:
"Do it Now"
A motivational speaker was hired as to close out a company's annual sales kickoff. His message was inspirational and direct.
- Educate yourself on all the new products and services. Do it now!
- Target the biggest and best new accounts, and start calling on them. Do it now!
- Don't procrastinate, don't put it off, do it now!
- The only thing keeping you from the success you deserve is action.
- Roll up your sleeves, be the best you can be, pay the price, and do it now!
The entire organization was swept up and mesmerized by the power of this message. For minutes, the entire organization cheered and chanted "Do it now, do it now"
The speaker left the stage to a thunderous round of applause, and as he exited, he got high-fives from all around him.
The message had a powerful effect on everyone. The next day:
- The President ran off with his secretary
- The Controller embezzled a million Dollars
- And the entire sales force quit and joined the competition!
What's Your Favorite?
If you have a favorite sales joke, I'd love to hear it. Just REPLY to this message with your joke. If I get enough good ones, I'll compile a list and send them out in a future newsletter.
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One More for the Road....
Two men are walking in the woods when they spot a bear. It starts to charge at them.
One man stops to tie his shoe.
The other says, "why are you stopping? we'll never outrun that bear"
I don't need to outrun the bear, I just need to outrun you".
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WEBINARS
"HOW TO CONVERT MARKETING INTO SALES"
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"REALIZING YOUR SALES POTENTIAL"
Wednesday, Dec 16
12:00 PM
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FUNNIEST CHRISTMAS STORY I'VE EVERY HEARD
Down East Humor from a Legendary Storyteller
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Here is your chance to see if you are as smart as you think you are.
Think of a difficult or impossible Sales Management problem. Enter it into the question box below.
Mike will provide deep insight into your dilema, based on his 25 years of Sales Management experience. Or not. It depends on how silly the question is.
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If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. If you are just looking for the "unsubscribe" option, it's below.
"Carpe Dinero" = Seize the Money.
Sincerely,
Mike Schmidtmann
(703) 408-9103
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Feel free to SWIPE* any ideas you find useful, and "pay it forward".
*Steal With Integrity, Purpose and Enthusiasm"
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