The Impact of Respite Care
Parents: Parents need a break in order to rest, fill up emotionally, and spend time with family and friends. Parents parent better when they get a break and are rested!
It is also very important that children see their parents taking care of themselves; this gives children a great role model. They need to see that you believe you are important enough to care about - if you don't think (and show) this, they won't think it!
Child: Kids with RAD benefit from respite by having parents that are rested and loving. Respite also gives them an environment away from their home where they can practice succeeding (
at home our kids feel 'threatened' by their parents love and will act out to try to keep their heart safe. As there is no 'threat' in respite, they may be able to succeed and pop out of the negative behaviour).
Healthy siblings: These kiddos put up with a lot - they live with a sibling who makes their home feel unsafe and chaotic, and they often feel like they don't get any Mom & Dad time. Respite is a time for them to relax, be with their parents, and not worry about anyone sabotaging family fun or taking up all their parents' time.
How often & how long?
There are 4 main types of respite:
Scheduled: One day or evening/afternoon EVERY week; used to get a regular break, have a date night, go to appointments, etc.
Crisis: Behaviour intervention used when the child is acting out physically, 'stuck', or sabotaging family fun; lasts from a few hours to a few days, depending on the situation. Should be used as often as needed.
Motivational: Used when the child is stuck in a negative behaviour pattern, refuses to work on healing, and/or parents are exhausted; lasts
no more than 10 days, and is used when needed and recommended or supported by a therapist.
Long-term: When the child needs a temporary therapeutic family to work on healing. Parents may be exhausted to the point that they don't feel loving anymore, may have other children in the home that they feel are being neglected due to the chaos, or may feel that the child is a danger in the home to other children. The child may need a long-term placement if they are refusing to work on healing and have been stuck in a negative pattern for a long period of time.
(The temporary therapeutic family takes over the bonding and nurturing at this point, having the child bond to them and transferring the bond to the real parents at the end of the placement.)
With who?
Respite needs to be a time of rest and healing for the parents and a time of working on life skills and healing for the child. To make this happen respite needs to be provided by someone who:
- supports the parents in all of their parenting decisions
- is firm and no-nonsense
- will not be manipulated or triangulated by the child
- understands the effects of trauma and proper healing methods for dealing with behaviours
- will not bond with the child and be 'more fun' than the parents.
What do you do while your child is in respite?
RELAX! Take this time to rest, catch up on sleep, rejuvenate. It should be a time of healing for you and everyone else in the home. Go on outings, picnics, or sit at home in pjs and eat popcorn and watch a movie!
Spend some time each day focusing on
you, getting filled up again so you can stay calm and loving while parenting your child.
