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ellie krug
writer, lawyer, human
Human Inspiration Works, LLC
The Ripple
November 2017
Vol 2
No. 11
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Listening to Young People
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Dear Friends:
Some of you know that I also host of a weekly radio program,
Hidden Edges Radio
, which has aired every Sunday afternoon since the beginning of the year. (For those interested, the show airs and is
live-streamed
on Sundays from 1-2 p.m. CST on AM950 in the Twin Cities.)
Until last Sunday, November 12, every H.E.R. episode has been taped; that changed on the 12th when I hosted my
first live show
. My guest for the show was Stephanie Glaros, the founder and curator of Humans of Minneapolis, a project that highlights our commonalities and the need for greater empathy between all humans.
Since the show was live, we could take calls. There’s one call in particular that I wanted to write about here.
The caller, “Vince,” reported that he wanted me to know that even people like him, “who grew up very conservative,” regularly listened to my show. He confessed to not even knowing what the letters, “LGBTQ,” meant and related that his “very smart” eighteen-year-old-son had “opened my eyes” about the need to be more accepting of people who are part of that alphabet. Despite his conservative background, Vince apparently found my show of value.
Vince’s call warmed my heart! That he would take the time to call to say he found my show worthwhile meant so very much to me, especially given that the show’s mission is to be a unifier and not a divider.
Most of all, Vince’s words demonstrate a critical phenomenon that’s happening in our country: our younger people—including teens—are driving positive change. They’re open to people who constitute “other” (a group the constitutes so many persons, including me). They also aren’t afraid to tell their parents that they too need to be more accepting of people who are “different.”
Stop for a moment and let this sink in: because of something his child taught him, a parent who might be expected to switch the dial instead listens to what a transgender woman has to say and hopefully, learns from her words.
Our younger people aren’t afraid of the “otherness” that scares their parents and grandparents. Please applaud the younger person in your life for this; they need all the affirmation on inclusivity they can get.
Things are changing—I can just feel it. We need to continue to push the idea about commonalities trumping (sorry for the pun) differences with everyone, regardless of background or upbringing.
Be well. I care about you. And, have a Happy Thanksgiving!
ellie
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Transgender Candidates Win!
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Although
The Ripple
is dedicated to promoting human inclusivity in general—and not just for folks who are part of the LGBTQ alphabet—I do need to mark how history was made last week with the successful elections of multiple persons who identify as transgender. (Click
here
for a list of the eight [!!] trans people who were elected to public office on November 7.)
Most notable was Danica Roem’s election to the Virginia House of Delegates. Danica, a thirty-three-year-old former journalist whose avocation is heavy metal musician, ousted longtime delegate Robert Marshall, who billed himself as “Virginia’s chief homophobe.” Marshall, a champion of conservative values, repeatedly misgendered Danica by referring to her as “he.” Marshall also refused to debate her.
Much of Danica’s campaign was focused on local issues, including fixing horrible traffic congestion on Route 28 in her district. As reported in a
Washington Post
piece, this approach resonated with voters, one of whom said post-election “I don’t care about religious issues…He (Marshall) should be more mainstream.”
As the reality of the election results set in, Danica dedicated her win “to every person who’s ever been singled out, who’s ever been stigmatized, who’s ever been the misfit, who’s ever been the kid in the corner, who’s ever needed someone to stand up for them when they didn’t have a voice of their own. This one is for you.”
Very poignant words for sure!
Last week’s election gave me hope that people are fed up with the division and marginalizing that’s become so common as public discourse. I truly believe that 99 percent of all humans want to do the right thing—we just simply need to get past our fear of “other.” Often that involves having someone show us the way. Electing so many transgender humans proves that just maybe, we’re doing that.
Lastly and for what it is worth, at one time I considered running for public office. However, I believe I can do more good behind the scenes with a message of compassion for all (where I don’t have to raise money constantly) and by going to places where I’m the first transgender human most people ever meet in real life. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I was tied to a political office. More about how I plan to accomplish that to a greater degree in coming issues of
The Ripple
.
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Stopping as an Act of Compassion
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As CBS News reported, Officer Darryl Robinson was called to an elementary school about an eight-year-old boy who had not been picked up from school at the end of the day. To make matters far worse, it was the boy’s eighth birthday.
Officer Robinson recognized the boy as being from a family in chaos—the officer had previously interacted with the family and knew that a parent was incarcerated. Knowing that this was a special day for the boy, Officer Robinson volunteered to give the boy a ride in his patrol car. He then called the boy’s grandfather and obtained permission to take the boy to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal. Eventually, the boy was reunited with family members.
As a matter of course, the Green Bay Police Department posted about Officer Robinson’s act of generosity, which resulted in much online praise and a national news story.
As we learn with Gray Area Thinking® training, the mere act of interrupting one’s ordinary routine for another human can very well constitute an act of compassion. Clearly, Officer Robinson could have “processed” the boy to an at-risk youth facility, but instead he gave the boy some of his time. In doing so, he made the boy feel as if he “mattered.” This is the epitome of Gray Area Thinking®.
The story generated several people reaching out to ask if they can send gifts to the boy. As I like to say, we all ripple to each other.
Remember also how some might group and label police officers as uncaring. There are countless stories of police officer generosity (some of which I’ve shared before) which proves that every person deserves to be considered for their character and not because of the uniform or other clothing they wear.
Finally, I suggest that you click on the story (see above link) to see what Officer Robinson looks like. In doing so, remember how all of us group and label humans even as we read about them!
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Inclusivity Tip of the Month
Allyship via Self-Education
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In her piece,
“No More ‘Allies’
,” writer Mia McKenzie laments that often, it’s the person from a marginalized group who’s called upon to educate others about how society has discriminated against them. This results in fatigue and general frustration for the marginalized person.
McKenzie writes that true “allyship” (that is, the action part of being an “ally” to someone else) requires “educating yourself” about the marginalized group for which you are an ally. Her point is that it shouldn’t be the burden of the marginalized person to educate others (who are often the people from the majority class that marginalizes) about their history of being oppressed. Rather, the ally should take on the task of becoming educated. Thus, this month’s Inclusivity Tip is about the need for self-education.
Many of us operate with assumptions and stereotypes about various groups and classes of people. The problem is that often we’re misinformed or completely oblivious to key facts about most marginalized groups; this lack of education can become an obstacle to empathy or action favoring that group.
For example, when I train on allyship, my first question often is, “What was the first year that Africans were brought to what became the Continental United States?”
Almost never does anyone guess the correct answer: the year 1619.
Similarly, few people remember that the Emancipation Proclamation (Lincoln’s directive freeing slaves in slave states) was issued on January 1, 1863. Even fewer know anything about Juneteenth—June 19, 1865, the date that the last slaves were freed in Texas.
Further, when you do the math between 1619 and 1865, you come up with 246 years.
That would be 246 years of slavery.
Once one understands that slavery spanned nearly
ten human generations
, you get a different sense of the historical context of what it means to be Black in America even today.
This is what’s meant about educating one’s self to become a better ally.
There are of course other marginalized groups—persons with disabilities, Native Americans, Latinos, persons who identify as LGBTQ, Veterans, Muslims, etc. With any one of these groups I challenge you to research three questions: (1) what are the key historical facts re: this group; (2) what are two or three past or present examples of marginalization this group experienced; and (3) who are two or three heroes of this group?
All of your research can be conducted with Wikipedia; you may be surprised at what you can learn in just fifteen minutes!
From a workplace or education institution inclusivity standpoint, I suggest adding a rotating “Historical Facts” section to your newsletter or bulletin board that on a monthly basis highlights the history of a particular group of people. Another idea is to start team meetings with a short quiz (e.g. “Why is June considered Pride Month for the LGBTQ community?”). (Answer: June 28, 1969 is when the Stonewall Riots started in New York City; the riots sparked the beginning of the modern gay rights movement.)
I know, this self-education takes time and work. On the other hand, think about the work it takes to simply be “different” in a society that often finds that status problematic.
Feel free to contact me for more tips on allyship!
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Odds and Ends: There’s a lot crammed into here, so please spend the time…
Burger King Making You Think:
This
“Bullying a Jr.” video
by Burger King really drives home the point how humans (me included) are more willing to put themselves out when their own personal interests are at stake (in this case, a “bullied” Whopper Jr. they had purchased) than to protect the interests of a bullied stranger (here, an actor posing as a teen being harassed by other teen-actors). I don’t think it’s at all a coincidence that the persons who step in to protect the marginalized teen are from marginalized communities themselves. Good material to learn from!
We Don’t Know Why We Hate:
Here’s a
story
about an African American protestor hugging a white supremacist and asking, “Why do you hate me?” The response: “I don’t know.” (Make sure you scroll to see the video of the hug/interaction.) Can you imagine a world where all haters were asked that simple question?
Speaking of Hate, a Memorial to Victims of Lynching:
As reported in the
November issue
of
The Atlantic,
there will soon be a Memorial to Peace and Justice in Montgomery, Alabama. It will serve as a national monument to the 4075 victims (almost all African American) of lynching (and other horrific murders like being burned alive or shot) between 1877 and 1950. One exhibit will display jars of dirt from the locations of each lynching. The museum, which certainly is a needed reminder of what unchecked hatred is capable of, will open next spring. I have marked my calendar to visit.
Recent Writings—mine:
My October
Lavender Magazine
piece
, “Loving a Son” is about how someone recently approached me after a training to ask about his transgender son. The degree of love this man had for his son is just remarkable.
Kate’s Pick:
My 27-year-old daughter, Kate, a writer like me, is a freelancer for
Book Riot
where she reviews books. She also has an entertainment-review website that’s darn fun and smart,
Snarky Yet Satisfying
.
Her pick for this month is
Sing, Unburied, Sing
by Jesmyn Ward. Ward just won her second National Book Award for her third novel. Drawing on Morrison and Faulkner,
The Odyssey
and the Old Testament, Ward gives us an epochal story, a journey through Mississippi's past and present that is both an intimate portrait of a family and an epic tale of hope and struggle.
Writings and Books—by others:
See this great NYT
article
by David Brooks, “Our Elites Still Don’t Get It,” in which he highlights how our social covenants (e.g. foregoing self-interest for the greater good) are breaking down and allowing for tribalism to become a greater force. Those who’ve attended my inclusivity trainings know that I talk about the risk of unchecked tribalism.
“Hidden Edges Radio” Shows:
Recent shows have included “Eli Umpierre: Taking a Stand Against Injustice” (10/22); Eli was a career police officer (and the first female officer) with the Rochester, Minnesota police department when, as a Lieutenant, she spoke out against institutional racism that allowed for less qualified white officers to be promoted over a better qualified Puerto Rican officer. Eli lost her job as a result but later made a claim and garnered a settlement of nearly $1 million. Talk about grit! Also, I speak about allyship (10/29) and interviewed Shannon TL Kearns about his role in creating Uprising Theater and in being an active transgender voice within the religious community (11/5). You can access the podcasts
here
.
Continuing Shout-out for Interesting Guest Leads:
Hidden Edges Radio focuses on how all of us are collectively trying to survive the Human Condition. I like to bring in guests who have shown personal grit and resiliency. If you know of people with stories along these lines, please tell me about them (they can be anywhere in the U.S.—we can air telephone interviews) at
Hiddenedgesradio@gmail.com
. Thanks!
Past and Upcoming Talks/Trainings and General Stuff:
Of late, I have been all over the country speaking and training. Later this month, I’ll be speaking at the Pride Institute (an LGBTQ-focused residential recovery organization) regarding my “sober story.” Next month, I’ll give a keynote for a librarian organization; I’ll also return to the Minnesota Department of Employment and Economic Development to conduct leadership inclusivity training. The next day, I’ll present at the MN Dept. of Human Rights Annual Symposium in St. Paul. Further, early 2018 will bring trips to Baltimore and California. Hopefully, mother nature will cooperate!
By the Numbers—36 in 7:
This is the number of talks or trainings that I’ve conducted along with the number of states (and Canada) where they’ve occurred since the first week of September. Things will slow down now; whew!
Finally, the Very Last Blatant Marketing for Holiday Season 2017:
Xmas is just around the corner; why not give a unique gift like a specially inscribed copy of my book,
Getting to Ellen: A Memoir about Love, Honesty and Gender Change
? I will inscribe to a friend or loved one and add my own personal words of inspiration add anything that you want. $24.50 covers purchase, postage, tax and shipping. Please email me if you have an interest in ordering a specially inscribed book. (Sorry for this plug; I’m told that I don’t do enough to market what many tell me is a wonderful read.) See the
Getting to Ellen
Amazon link
here.
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Finally....
The Ripple
is a work in progress, so please, I welcome your suggestions and comments! Please share this newsletter with others, too!
Thank you for helping to make the world a better place! I'm at your side, cheering you on, I promise! Please have compassion for yourself and for others.
ellie
Encouraging Open Hearts and Thriving Human Spirits
Human Inspiration Works, LLC: We make "inclusion" an action word
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Ellen (Ellie) Krug
319-360-1692
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