I deliver a lot of training and 1-1 coaching in Resilience Skills, and I plan to cover in this bulletin a 4-part model of resilience that I use - Confidence, Sense of Purpose, Flexibility/Adapting to Change, Support - in the coming months, this time focusing on that first element. It's simply to ask you to go down the list, and to pick out those skills, behaviours, attitudes that you think you could do more of/better. I'm thinking that most of us could come up with at least one. (If you have more than three, let's focus on the 3 most important to you). I hope and trust too that making an improvement in one area will have a helpful effect in another, e.g. give yourself more credit, be more compassionate towards yourself will lead to a boost in self-esteem, and so on.
If it'd be helpful, download a copy of the Resilience Plan from the website, so you can make a record of what you plan to do and how you plan to do it: writing things down can lead to greater commitment on your part.

CONFIDENCE

I can do more to	Y/N
Give myself more credit
Express myself more openly
Stand up for myself when it's appropriate to do so
Have a more positive outlook
Have a more optimistic outlook
Be kind to myself
Believe in myself more
Develop meaning and purpose in my life
Become enthusiastic at times
Keep things in perspective
Do things that will boost my self-esteem
Look after myself
Worry less/let go of worrisome thoughts
Be less modest
Remind myself that I am resourceful
Exercise
Relax more (including if necessary using relaxation techniques)
Make sure I don't dwell on the past/reflect on past events in an unhelpful way
Ensure the expectations I have of myself and what I can achieve are not unrealistic
Move on when I make a mistake/things don't go to plan
Repeat a mantra/an affirmation regularly (e.g. "I can do this"; "I'm getting there")
Be 'mindful'
Bring to mind all the good things in my life
Be more assertive
At the end of each day, make a list of the good things that have happened/things that I enjoyed doing during the day (what went well and why)
Identify and acknowledge it when I'm engaging in 'faulty thinking', e.g. catastrophising; perfectionism; mind-reading; exaggerating the importance of events
Keep a Gratitude Journal: note the relationships/things/moments/events  I am grateful for in my life
Be more compassionate, towards myself
Be more compassionate, towards others

Having healthy and helpful emotions is a central theme of the work I'm involved in and the relationship between thinking and feeling, and so I wanted to mention a particular perspective on the matter, namely how 'energy follows focus': what we focus on takes on an energy of its own in our minds, for good or for bad. Here's an extract from a book entitled Mindful Compassion, a subject I'll be returning to next time, by Paul Gilbert OBE, a clinical psychologist, and Choden, a mindfulness and compassion teacher, and former Buddhist monk.
'Where our attention goes and what our mind dwells on affects our emotions and bodies in particular ways. It  might be a wild garden with many weeds and thorny bushes, or a carefully cultivated herb garden. The choice is ours. Rob Nairn (a Buddhist teacher) refers to this process as 'energy follows focus'. What we focus on we give energy to and what we give energy to we cultivate. Even though we may not be able to control what arises in our inner emotional world, what we give our attention to greatly influences what takes birth in our experience. For example, an angry thought might just arise by itself, but if we focus on it, we give it energy and it becomes a big issue in our minds; whereas if we notice it and leave it alone, it loses power over us and quickly dissipates'.  
The book explores how the way our minds have evolved can cause us to have difficult emotions, and how to treat ourselves in a compassionate, mindful way, so that we can do the same to others, and deal with troublesome thoughts and feelings/difficulties/suffering in the best possible way.
So, dear reader, what are you cultivating? How much mind-space are you allotting to unhelpful thoughts, shining a light on redundant or unproductive matters, and reaping weeds/the garden just isn't growing as a result? 

Maybe you could just notice it if and when you do start to do that, and let the thought/pattern of thought go, and not give it energy and cultivate it.
If this has sparked your interest, take a look at Mindful Compassion. For practical tools and techniques, including how to be mindful, in a learning environment, please see our Resilience Skills session.