Lesson 135
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We fear Redemption
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A COURSE IN MIRACLES
  CH 12 "THE PROBLEM OF GUILT"
III. THE FEAR OF REDEMPTION    

11 You could look even upon the ego's darkest cornerstone without fear if you did not believe that, without the ego, you would find within yourself something you fear even more. You are not afraid of crucifixion. Your real terror is of redemption. Under the ego's dark foundation is the memory of God, and it is of this that you are really afraid. For this memory would instantly restore you to your proper place, and it is this place that you have sought to leave.
 

        ♫< TEXT CH 12, III AUDIO >
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DAILY LESSONS
SonShip Workbook
L e s s o n  135
  If I defend myself, I am attacked.


* IAMBIC PENTAMETER BEGINS*
 
< AUDIO> <VIDEO>
Voice and Music by CIMS SonShip Radio  

   Who would defend himself unless he thought
   he was attacked, that the attack is real,
   and that his own defense can save himself?
   And herein lies the folly of defense;
   it gives illusions full reality,
   and then attempts to handle them as real.
   It adds illusions to illusions, thus
   making correction doubly difficult.
 
   And it is this you do when you attempt
   to plan the future, activate the past,
   or organize the present as you wish.|
   You operate from the belief you must
   protect yourself from what is happening,
   because it must contain what threatens you.
   A sense of threat is an acknowledgment
   of an inherent weakness; a belief
   that there is danger which has power to call
   on you to make appropriate defense.
 
   The world is based on this insane belief.
   And all its structures, all its thoughts and doubts,
   its penalties and heavy armaments,
   its legal definitions and its codes,
   its ethics and its leaders and its gods,
   all serve but to preserve its sense of threat.
   For no one walks the world in armature
   but must have terror striking at his heart.|
 
   Defense is frightening. It stems from fear,
   increasing fear as each defense is made.
   You think it offers safety. Yet it speaks
   of fear made real and terror justified.
   Is it not strange you do not pause to ask,
   as you elaborate your plans and make
   your armor thicker and your locks more tight,
   what you defend, and how, and against what?|
 
   Let us consider first what you defend.
   It must be something that is very weak
   and easily assaulted. It must be
   something made easy prey, unable to
   protect itself, and needing your defense.
   What but the body has such frailty
   that constant care and watchful, deep concern
   are needful to protect its little life?
   What but the body falters and must fail
   to serve the Son of God as worthy host?|
 
   Yet it is not the body that can fear,
   nor be a thing to fear. It has no needs
   but those which you assign to it. It needs
   no complicated structures of defense,
   no health-inducing medicine, no care
   and no concern at all. Defend its life,
   or give it gifts to make it beautiful
   or walls to make it safe, and you but say
   your home is open to the thief of time,
   corruptible and crumbling, so unsafe
   it must be guarded with your very life.|
 
   Is not this picture fearful? Can you be
   at peace with such a concept of your home?
   Yet what endowed the body with the right
   to serve you thus except your own belief?
   It is your mind which gave the body all
   the functions that you see in it, and set
   its value far beyond a little pile
   of dust and water. Who would make defense
   of something that he recognized as this?|
 
   The body is in need of no defense.
   This cannot be too often emphasized.
   It will be strong and healthy if the mind
   does not abuse it by assigning it
   to roles it cannot fill, to purposes
   beyond its scope, and to exalted aims
   which it cannot accomplish. Such attempts,
   ridiculous yet deeply cherished, are
   the sources for the many mad attacks
   you make upon it. For it seems to fail
   your hopes, your needs, your values and your dreams.|
 
   The "self" that needs protection is not real.
   The body, valueless and hardly worth
   the least defense, need merely be perceived
   as quite apart from you, and it becomes
   a healthy, serviceable instrument
   through which the mind can operate until
   its usefulness is over. Who would want
   to keep it when its usefulness is done?|
 
   Defend the body, and you have attacked
   your mind. For you have seen in it the faults,
   the weaknesses, the limits and the lacks
   from which you think the body must be saved.
   You will not see the mind as separate
   from bodily conditions. And you will
   impose upon the body all the pain
   that comes from the conception of the mind
   as limited and fragile and apart
   from other minds and separate from its Source.|
 
   These are the thoughts in need of healing, and
   the body will respond with health when they
   have been corrected and replaced with truth.
   This is the body's only real defense.
   Yet is this where you look for its defense?
   You offer it protection of a kind
   from which it gains no benefit at all,
   but merely adds to your distress of mind.
   You do not heal, but merely take away
   the hope of healing. For you fail to see
   where hope must lie if it be meaningful.|
 
   A healed mind does not plan. It carries out
   the plans which it receives through listening
   to wisdom that is not its own. It waits
   until it has been taught what should be done,
   and then proceeds to do it. It does not
   depend upon itself for anything
   except its adequacy to fulfill
   the plans assigned to it. It is secure
   in certainty that obstacles can not
   impede its progress to accomplishment
   of any goal which serves the greater plan
   established for the good of everyone.|
 
   A healed mind is relieved from the belief
   that it must plan, although it cannot know
   the outcome that is best, the means by which
   it is achieved, nor how to recognize
   the problem which the plan is made to solve.
   It must misuse the body in its plans
   until it recognizes this is so.
   But when it has accepted this as true,
   then is it healed, and lets the body go.|
 
   Enslavement of the body to the plans
   the unhealed mind sets up to save itself
   must make the body sick. It is not free
   to be a means of helping in a plan
   which far exceeds its own protection, and
   which needs its service for a little while.
   In this capacity is health assured.
   For everything the mind employs for this
   will function flawlessly, and with the strength
   that has been given it, and cannot fail.|
 
   It is, perhaps, not easy to perceive
   that self-initiated plans are but
   defenses, with the purpose all of them
   were made to realize. They are the means
   by which a frightened mind would undertake
   its own protection at the cost of truth.
   This is not difficult to recognize
   in some forms which these self-deceptions take,
   for the denial of reality
   is very obvious. Yet planning is
   not often recognized as a defense.|
 
   The mind engaged in planning for itself
   is occupied in setting up control
   of future happenings. It does not think
   that it will be provided for unless
   it makes its own provisions. Time becomes
   a future emphasis, to be controlled
   by learning and experience obtained
   from past events and previous beliefs.
   It overlooks the present, for it rests
   on the idea the past has taught enough
   to let the mind direct its future course.|
 
   The mind that plans is thus refusing to
   allow for change. What it has learned before
   becomes the basis for its future goals.
   Its past experience directs its choice
   of what will happen. And it does not see
   that here and now is everything it needs
   to guarantee a future quite unlike
   the past, without a continuity
   of any old ideas and sick beliefs.
   Anticipation plays no part at all,
   for present confidence directs the way.|
 
   Defenses are the plans you undertake
   to make against the truth. Their aim is to
   select what you approve, and disregard
   what you regard as incompatible
   with your belief of your reality.
   Yet what remains is meaningless indeed.
   For it is your reality which is
   the "threat" that your defenses would attack,
   obscure, and take apart and crucify.|
 
   What could you not accept, if you but knew
   that everything that happens, all events,
   past, present and to come, are gently planned
   by One Whose only purpose is your good?
   Perhaps you have misunderstood His plan,
   for He would never offer pain to you.
   But your defenses did not let you see
   His loving blessing shine in every step
   you ever took. While you made plans for death,
   He led you gently to Eternal Life.|
 
   Your present trust in Him is the defense
   which promises a future undisturbed,
   without a trace of sorrow, and with joy
   which constantly increases as this life
   becomes a holy instant, set in time,
   but heeding only immortality.
   Let no defenses but this present trust
   direct the future, and this life becomes
   a meaningful encounter with the truth
   that only your defenses would conceal.|
 
   Without defenses, you become a light
   which Heaven gratefully acknowledges
   to be its own. And it will lead you on
   in ways appointed for your happiness
   according to the ancient plan, begun
   when time was born. Your followers will join
   their light with yours, and it will be increased
   until the world is lighted up with joy.
   And gladly will our brothers lay aside
   their cumbersome defenses which availed
   them nothing, and could only terrify.|
 
   We will anticipate that time today
   with present confidence, for this is part
   of what was planned for us. We will be sure
   that everything we need is given us
   for our accomplishment of this today.
   We make no plans for how it will be done,
   but realize that our defenselessness
   is all that is required for the truth
   to dawn upon our minds with certainty.|
 
   For fifteen minutes twice today we rest
   from senseless planning, and from every thought
   which blocks the truth from entering our minds.
   Today we will receive instead of plan,
   that we may give instead of organize.
   And we are given truly, as we say:
 
   " If I defend myself I am attacked.
    But in defenselessness I will be strong,
    for I would learn what my defenses hide."|
 
   Nothing but that. If there are plans to make,
   you will be told of them. They may not be
   the plans you thought were needed, nor indeed
   the answers to the problems which you thought
   confronted you. But they are answers to
   another kind of question, which remains
   unanswered yet in need of answering
   until the Answer comes to you at last.|
    
   All your defenses have been aimed at not
   receiving what you will receive today.
   And in the light and joy of simple truth
   you will but wonder why you ever thought
   that you must be defended from release.
   Heaven asks nothing. It is hell that makes
   extravagant demands for sacrifice.
   You give up nothing in these times today
   when undefended you present yourself
   to your Creator as you really are.|
 
   He has remembered you. Today we will
   remember Him. For this is Eastertime
   in your salvation. And you rise again
   from what was seeming death and hopelessness.
   Now is the light of hope reborn in you,
   for now you come without defense to learn
   the part for you within the plan of God.
   What little plans or magical beliefs
   can still have value, when you have received
   your function from the Voice of God Himself?|
 
   Try not to shape this day as you believe
   would benefit you most. For you can not
   conceive of all the happiness that comes
   to you without your planning. Learn today.
   And all the world will take this giant stride,
   and celebrate your Eastertime with you.
   Throughout the day, as foolish little things
   appear to raise defensiveness in you
   and tempt you to engage in weaving plans,
   remind yourself this is a special day
   for learning, and acknowledge it with this:
 
   " This is my Eastertime. And I would keep
    it holy. I will not defend myself
    because the Son of God needs no defense
    against the truth of his Reality."

~ From Original Hand Script Notes


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ACIM Edmonton - Sarah's Reflections 
ACIM Edmonton, CA
LESSON 135
If I defend myself, I am attacked.
 
Sarah's Commentary:

We all have our favorite Lessons that seem to resonate more deeply at different times in our lives. For me, this one has been very meaningful recently. What really resonates with me in this Lesson are the words, "What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?" (W.135.18.1) What could we not accept? What would we be concerned about? What would we worry about? What need would there be to plan? All our plans are there to keep us from imaginary threats.
 
Initially, I thought this was saying that the Holy Spirit has specific plans for us as individuals, but this is not the case. The only plan He has is for my mind to accept healing. It is the plan for our acceptance of the Atonement that we might use every experience in this world and everything that happens, has happened, or is about to happen for awakening from this dream. Thus, everything is perfectly orchestrated as a classroom for the undoing of the ego. This is the only purpose for the world. The ego's plan is to keep us invested in sin and guilt and to see it as real. Everything we have made, everything we attract, and all the events of our lives, can be used by the Holy Spirit to correct the ego's plan for our salvation. Thus, everything in our world can be used for the purpose of forgiveness and for the acceptance of the Holy Spirit's plan for our happiness and healing.
 
This is another one of the "giant stride" (W.135.26.4) Lessons, meaning, it is a very important one where we can make tremendous gains if we commit to the practice. The ego's plan is to project the guilt in our minds that came with the separation from God. It is where we made up a body and a world to escape from His perceived punishment and make up problems requiring us to devise plans and defenses to protect ourselves. This keeps us from recognizing that there is only one problem---the belief we have sinned and are now guilty. Thus, the answer to every problem is the same, which is to bring the guilt we see in others back to our own minds and ask to see the situation from a healed perspective.
 
We spend much of our time planning our days and strategizing how to deal with situations, events, and people in our lives, motivated by the belief that we need to protect ourselves and defend our "interests." It is all predicated on the belief that we are bodies, and thus, we see ourselves as physically and psychologically vulnerable. This is the way of the world. We seem to have all kinds of problems, and then we design plans or defenses to protect ourselves from the problems we believe are outside ourselves. If we think we need a defense, it means we are actually living in a state of fear, believing we are under attack. Yet it is all self-attack where we see ourselves as limited, lacking, and vulnerable. In our belief that we are alone, separate, and vulnerable, we live in a state of fear. "A sense of threat is an acknowledgment of an inherent weakness; a belief that there is danger which has power to call on you to make appropriate defense." (W.135.2.2) The fact is, we are invulnerable spiritual beings.
 
Whenever we are unwilling to look at our guilt, it can't be healed because there is a refusal to acknowledge the guilt in ourselves. We prefer to blame others and see our guilt in them; but whenever we project the guilt in our minds onto others, it brings up fear in us. Because of our fear, we feel we need to create a defense against those we believe are guilty and will attack us. The defenses and plans we make to keep ourselves safe are all about fixing something in the world, but this makes no sense since the problem is only in our own minds. If the problem is only in our minds and not in the world, this is where the correction must be made.
 
Jesus reminds us, "If I defend myself I am attacked. But in defenselessness I will be strong, and I will learn what my defenses hide." (W.135.22.4-5) What we are defending against is the truth of what we are as innocent. As we bring our misperceptions to the light of the Holy Spirit to be corrected, the truth is revealed. We deny this truth about ourselves when we attack and defend. To the extent that we want to know the truth about ourselves as innocent, we will be motivated to do the healing of our own minds.
 
We live in a world that continually reminds us of our vulnerability. Threat is everywhere, whether it is war, disease, mold, fleas, terrorists, courts, home invasions, rules, ethics, taxes, drought, poverty, politics, religion, and on and on. Everything in the world seems to remind us of the continual threat we are under. The world reinforces the fear that we have accepted into our minds. We turn on the TV and see nothing but disaster. We live in terror and are reminded of this every time we lock the door, every time we put on our seat-belts, each time we take a vitamin pill, every bill we pay, and yes, every plan we make.
 
We may wonder how setting up defenses and planning are the same as self-attack. When we set up a defense, we believe it will save us and protect us. When we develop a plan, we are trying to mitigate against future threat in the belief that we can control and manage future contingencies. Yet the only threat is the belief in our vulnerability. While the purpose of defenses is to protect us from fear, all they do is reinforce our sense of vulnerability, which justifies, in our minds, the need for them. As Jesus says in the Course, "It is essential to realize that all defenses do what they would defend." (T.17.IV.7.1) (ACIM OE T.17.V.33) In other words, defenses keep us in fear.
 
Are we to just stop buying insurance, locking our doors, putting on our seat-belts, taking our vitamins, taking medicine when we are sick, enjoying our comforts, and engaging in planning? Clearly, no. That would just be changing forms (behaviors) while we continue to believe in guilt and attack. In that case, we would elicit even more fear. The idea is to shift the content of our minds that is the cause of the guilt and fear and not to simply change things in form.
 
To us, the world is a threatening place because we identify with our bodies and our personalities, and we still see the world as real. We see it acting on us and believe we need protection. Thus, we see the world, rather than the content of our minds, as the cause of our fear, and now we see ourselves as an effect or victim of the world. The truth is, we made the world for exactly this purpose. We made it so we could run away from our guilt and see our own secret self-accusation in someone else. Until the undoing of our mistaken identity is undertaken through true forgiveness, we will feel a need to defend and protect ourselves.
 
The idea is not to give up all forms of self-protection and planning in which we engage but to use these situations as opportunities to watch our minds and learn to turn away from the ego. We do that by looking at our fearful thoughts, connecting with our feelings, and bringing them to the truth within. All our efforts at self-protection and all our defenses will never bring us the peace of God nor true consistent happiness.
 
The guilt is buried in our minds so we are not conscious of it and have no memory of the original terror. It came about as a result of our decision to choose the ego and separate from God. All we see is what our eyes show us and our brains interpret. Whenever we feel threatened and vulnerable, we are being called to go back into the mind and bring our sense of vulnerability and our fears to the Holy Spirit. We look at them with Him so we can release the illusory self we have made, which is our false self and not who we are.
 
We are learning through the Course about the thought system of the ego and how it operates in our lives. As we do this, we increasingly recognize it has no reality in truth. Jesus is reminding us over and over that we are mistaken about who we think we are. The mistake is that we think we are bodies, living in the world. Everyone here is making the same mistake, which means we are all living with the terror of what we believe we have done. We believe we have attacked God and destroyed our holy home. Now we feel like outcasts in the world and entirely on our own. Of course, this is only a belief in our minds, as we have done nothing wrong. The guilt is all a made-up belief. We continue to be innocent, but we no longer believe this about ourselves. We no longer believe we are whole, complete, innocent, and still at home in God. The Atonement Principle assures us---we absolutely can't leave God no matter how bad we feel about ourselves, and He has not left us. We are still One with Him.
 
Our reality is still Spirit. Our experience here is of a false self. Jesus calls it a parody of our Glorious Self. He is helping us to see how we set all this up and now he is patiently waiting for our decision to change our minds about who we are. This requires that we do the work necessary to undo the beliefs we now hold. To do this, we must look at all the values and beliefs we hold and question every one of them. As we apply these Lessons to our daily lives, we engage in this process of undoing our false beliefs. When we begin to understand why we chose to identify with this false self and look at how we try to protect this image, which is a caricature of our true Self, we can start to question it.
 
Jesus tells us, "The body is in need of no defense." (W.135.7.1) The body will be healthy and strong if it is not abused by the mind. The mind abuses the body by, ". . . assigning it to roles it cannot fill, to purposes beyond its scope, and to exalted aims which it cannot accomplish. Such attempts, ridiculous yet deeply cherished, are the sources for the many mad attacks you make upon it. For it seems to fail your hopes, your needs, your values and your dreams." (W.135.7.3-5) In other words, we assign the body the responsibility to have it meet our needs and to undertake what we assign it to do. We give it tasks we consider important and valuable in achieving what we think we want and need. The body can't carry the burden assigned to it and will fail, thus inviting the mind to attack it for its shortcomings. Jesus tells us that if this were not the case, the body would be strong and healthy.
 
The body lets us down by not delivering the things we want, and thus, we attack it. What we are doing is equating the mind with the body, and we suffer and feel vulnerable as a result. The body will grow old and deteriorate. We identify with it and think it is what we are, but Jesus reminds us that we need to see it as apart from us. Though we identify ourselves as a body with a personal identity, it is not what we are. When we see this, the body can be used by the mind as a "healthy, serviceable instrument" until it has no more use. For the time being, it is a useful communication device whose only real purpose is to bring messages of love to our brothers and sisters by first receiving the messages for ourselves.
 
As we heal our minds and live in a state of forgiveness, peace can permeate our experience here. The reality is that the mind is actually outside the body. We equate the mind with the brain, which is not the case. As long as we think we are a body, defenses will be required, but these defenses just protect the nothingness of the body. As long as we identify ourselves as a body, it will seem real to us. As we forgive the guilt and fear in the mind that is projected onto the body, the body will serve its function perfectly as a communication device. When we choose sanity, the nothingness of guilt and fear dissolve. When we are upset, miserable, and angry, our bodies suffer the consequences of those thoughts and feelings. Thus, there is a cost to us of holding onto the ego thought system. It will eventually make the body sick. When we feel separate from others and hold painful thoughts, we ". . . impose upon the body all the pain that comes from the conception of the mind as limited and fragile, and apart from other minds and separate from its Source." (W.135.9.4) These are the thoughts that require healing if the body is to respond with health.
 
Only the mind is misguided, having assigned roles and functions to the body it can't fulfill. Once again, we are reminded that we must heal our minds by withdrawing our identification with the body. We don't do this by denying the body but only by watching our mistaken thoughts about it. We have given the body purposes it can't achieve, but it can now be put to a different purpose of extending love.
 
Purpose is everything! We only have two choices. We can put the body in the service of the ego or of the Holy Spirit. Thus, the body is a useful instrument to be used for a time, and when it is no longer of use, "Who would want to keep it when its usefulness is done?" (W.135.8.3) The body is valueless and needs no defense when we realize it is simply a tool for the mind to learn that we are not these bodies. We are asked to let the body be used in the service of the Holy Spirit's plan, which is established for the good of everyone. When we do this, we are assured that the body will function flawlessly. Yes, in our script, the body may be sick, but the form no longer matters. What matters is where the mind is. Every situation in our lives can be used by the Holy Spirit for forgiveness. With forgiveness, we step back and look on the ego thought system with the Holy Spirit. This means that we look at our judgments without judging ourselves, our hate without hating ourselves, and our anger without being angry with ourselves. It is a gradual process of bringing our attention to the thoughts of sin and guilt, not judging ourselves for them, and not trying to fix anything but, simply, putting them on the inner altar. Jesus asks us to be patient with ourselves in this process. Allow yourself to step back from your mistakes and smile at yourself without berating yourself for your perception of lack of progress.
 
While we seem to be in this world, there are plans to be made. We can make them with the ego or the Holy Spirit. Jesus is telling us that just because "A healed mind does not plan," (W.135.11.1) it does not mean a healed mind does not "follow" a plan. We are here to practice learning how to follow the Holy Spirit's plan of forgiveness. Through mind-watching and releasing our misperceptions to the Holy Spirit, our minds are being cleared of the obstacles to love. This allows us to listen more clearly to the guidance of the Holy Spirit and follow His plan in everything we do. It takes practice, but it is of tremendous value to us to take the time to release our attachment to our planning and trust in His plan for us. "For you can not conceive of all the happiness that comes to you without your planning." (W.135.26.2) This is the goal of the Course, and it is quite an advanced state---to no longer be turning to the ego for direction but to ask Holy Spirit in everything: "What would You have me do? Where would You have me go? What would You have me say, and to whom? " (W.71 9.3-5)
 
Some of us may complain that we do not hear guidance. Yet we do get prompts when we stop long enough to connect with our intuition and get out of our own way. We've all had these experiences where we are prompted to call someone, go somewhere, or say something to someone, only to see that we were exactly where we needed to be and doing exactly what we needed to be doing. Connecting with our prompts and trusting that all is exactly as it needs to be for our healing, relieves all suffering. Sometimes, when we turn to the Holy Spirit and ask for help with a problem that we have already decided for ourselves, we are limiting the scope of His answer. It is arrogant to even think we know what the problem is. For example, I may be asking for healing for my body and assume that I know that this is what I need. It may be more valuable, with any perceived problem, to ask to see the situation differently or to ask for help to bring my mind to peace in this situation. As Jesus reminds us, a healed mind knows nothing and is grateful this is so. "A healed mind is relieved of the belief that it must plan, although it cannot know the outcome which is best, the means by which it is achieved, nor how to recognize the problem that the plan is made to solve." (W.135.12.1) In other words, we come to a place where the mind is no longer employed to solve our own problems. The mind that thinks it knows is no longer helpful.
 
When we learn to accept everything and forgive, we live in the flow of our Divine Being, knowing everything is for our highest good, and yes, even those things that don't feel good to the ego. The thing the ego resists most is change. Our plans are actually a defense against change. We are defending ourselves against our changeless reality. "The mind engaged in planning for itself is occupied in setting up control of future happenings." (W.135.15.1) Thus, we overlook the present, which is where our reality is and what we are so afraid of. All our planning is to affirm our identity as bodies. "For it is your reality that is the 'threat' which your defenses would attack, obscure, and take apart and crucify." (W.135.17.4) All our planning is to keep our identity as a body in place, to keep change away from ourselves and thus to keep the truth about ourselves at bay. The undoing of the ego thought system takes time because we defend against the powerful pull for God that we have within us.
 
As our trust and confidence in the Holy Spirit expand, our fear of the direction we are going diminishes. We become more willing to listen and follow. When we do this, our lives become divinely inspired, and we inspire others by lighting the way for them. We walk in trust and confidence that everything will be provided and, increasingly, we ". . . realize that our defenselessness is all that is required for the truth to dawn upon our minds with certainty." (W.135.21.3)
 
Sometimes, when I feel my progress is slow, and I start getting discouraged, comparing myself to others who seem to be more evolved, I look back on my life, and I do see tremendous progress has been made. I have taken my hands off the steering wheel of my own life and have turned more and more away from the ego and toward the Holy Spirit for His interpretation of events. I listen for prompts and try to act on them. I no longer judge the situations that show up in my life as good or bad. In my saner moments, which are more frequent now, I see everything as an opportunity for forgiveness. More and more, I let go of my way and allow guidance to show me His plan for Atonement. He simply reminds me over and over that truth is true and all illusion is false. He invites me to see the false as false and not to take it all so seriously. Nothing real has happened. I am simply dreaming.
 
In the Manual for Teachers, in the section "Development of Trust," the process of undoing is laid out as going through stages until we come to a "period of achievement" (M.4.I.A.8.1)where learning is consolidated. On the way there, we go through a lot of undoing, sorting out, relinquishing, conflict, and unsettling times. It can seem painful at times, but it is all helpful. The world is governed by a power that keeps all things safe, and "When this power has once been experienced, it is impossible to trust one's own petty strength again." (M.4.I.2.1) (ACIM OE M.4.4) We relax into the flow of His Love and know we can count on Him in all so-called emergencies, as well as tranquil times.
 
Today, let us step back and let Him lead the way, and "Try not to shape this day as you believe would benefit you most." (W.135.26.1) Our happiness can only come from remembering the truth about ourselves and opening to His plan where the body is simply an instrument to carry it out. Thus, its health is guaranteed.
 
There is so much in this Lesson and it is impossible to comment on all of it, but it is encouraging in so many respects. It is reminding us that we are not bodies, and we cannot die. "Now is the light of hope reborn in you, for now you come without defense, to learn the part for you within the plan of God." (W.135.25.5) We realize the truth about ourselves as eternal beings. We have an important function in offering healing to the world through our own healing, and with it comes happiness.
 
"Throughout the day, as foolish little things appear to raise defensiveness in you and tempt you to engage in weaving plans, remind yourself this is a special day for learning, and acknowledge it with this:
 
This is my Easter time. [My resurrection] And I would keep it holy. I will not defend myself, because the Son of God needs no defense against the truth of his reality ." (W.135.26.5-8)

Love and blessings, Sarah
A Course in Miracles
TEXT
ACIM Original Edition
Chapter Twelve

The Problem of Guilt  

   Voice and Music by Martin Weber, CIMS SonShip Radio

III. The Fear of Redemption          

10
You may wonder why it is so crucial that you look upon your hatred and realize its full extent. You may also think that it would be easy enough for the Holy Spirit to show it to you and dispel it, without the need for you to raise it to awareness yourself. Yet there is one more complication which you have interposed between yourself and the Atonement, which you do not yet realize. We have said that no one will countenance fear if he recognizes it. Yet in your disordered state, you are not afraid of fear. You do not like it, but it is not your desire to attack which really frightens you. You are not seriously disturbed by your hostility. You keep it hidden because you are more afraid of what it covers.
 
11 You could look even upon the ego's darkest cornerstone without fear if you did not believe that, without the ego, you would find within yourself something you fear even more. You are not afraid of crucifixion. Your real terror is of redemption. Under the ego's dark foundation is the memory of God, and it is of this that you are really afraid. For this memory would instantly restore you to your proper place, and it is this place that you have sought to leave.
 
12 Your fear of attack is nothing compared to your fear of love. You would be willing to look even upon your savage wish to kill God's Son if you did not believe that it saves you from love. For this wish caused the separation. You have protected it because you do not want the separation healed, and you realize that, by removing the dark cloud that obscures it, your love for your Father would impel you to answer His call and leap into Heaven. You believe that attack is salvation to prevent you from this. For still deeper than the ego's foundation, and much stronger than it will ever be, is your intense and burning love of God, and His for you. This is what you really want to hide.
 
13 In honesty, is it not harder for you to say "I love" than "I hate"? You associate love with weakness and hatred with strength, and your own real power seems to you as your real weakness. For you could not control your joyous response to the call of love if you heard it, and the whole world you think you control would vanish. The Holy Spirit, then, seems to be attacking your fortress, for you would shut out God, and He does not will to be excluded.
 
14 You have built your whole insane belief system because you think you would be helpless in God's Presence, and you would save yourself from His love because you think it would crush you into nothingness. You are afraid it would sweep you away from yourself and make you little. For you believe that magnitude lies in defiance and that attack is grandeur. You think you have made a world which God would destroy; and by loving Him, which you do, you would throw this world away, which you would. Therefore, you have used the world to cover your love, and the deeper you go into the blackness of the ego's foundation, the closer you come to the love that is hidden there. And it is this that frightens you.
 
15 You can accept insanity because you made it, but you cannot accept love because you did not. You would rather be slaves of the crucifixion than Sons of God in redemption. For your individual death is more valued than your living oneness, and what is given you is not so dear as what you made. You are more afraid of God than of the ego, and love cannot enter where it is not welcome. But hatred can, for it enters of its will and cares not for yours.
 
16 The reason you must look upon your delusions and not keep them hidden is that they do not rest on their own foundation. In concealment they appear to do so, and thus they seem to be self-sustained. This is the fundamental illusion on which they rest. For beneath them and concealed as long as they are hidden is the loving mind that thought it made them in anger. And the pain in this mind is so apparent when it is uncovered that its need of healing cannot be denied. Not all the tricks and games you offer it can heal it, for here is the real crucifixion of God's Son.
 
17 And yet he is not crucified. Here is both his pain and his healing, for the Holy Spirit's vision is merciful, and His remedy is quick. Do not hide suffering from His sight, but bring it gladly to Him. Lay before His eternal sanity all your hurt, and let Him heal you. Do not leave any spot of pain hidden from His light, and search your minds carefully for any thoughts which you may fear to uncover. For He will heal every little thought which you have kept to hurt you and cleanse it of its littleness, restoring it to the magnitude of God.
 
18 Beneath all your grandiosity, which you hold so dear, is your real call for help. For you call for love to your Father as your Father calls you to Himself. In that place which you have hidden, you will only to unite with the Father in loving remembrance of Him. You will find this place of truth as you see it in your brothers, for though they may deceive themselves, like you they long for the grandeur that is in them. And perceiving it you will welcome it, and it will be yours. For grandeur is the right of God's Son, and no illusions can satisfy him or save him from what he is. Only his love is real, and he will be content only with his reality.
 
19 Save him from his illusions that you may accept the magnitude of your Father in peace and joy. But exempt no one from your love, or you will be hiding a dark place in your mind where the Holy Spirit is not welcome. And you will exempt yourself from His healing power, for by not offering total love, you will not be healed completely. Healing must be as complete as fear, for love cannot enter where there is one spot of fear to mar its welcome.
 
20 You who prefer specialness to sanity could not obtain it in your right minds. You were at peace until you asked for special favor. And God did not give it, for the request was alien to Him, and you could not ask this of a Father Who truly loved His Son. Therefore you made of Him an unloving father, demanding of Him what only such a father could give. And the peace of God's Son was shattered, for he no longer understood his Father. He feared what he had made, but still more did he fear his real Father, having attacked his own glorious equality with Him.
 
21 In peace he needed nothing and asked for nothing. In war he demanded everything and found nothing. For how could the gentleness of love respond to his demands except by departing in peace and returning to the Father? If the Son did not wish to remain in peace, he could not remain at all. For a darkened mind cannot live in the light, and it must seek a place of darkness where it can believe it is where it is not. God did not allow this to happen. Yet you demanded that it happen and therefore believed that it was so.
 
22 To "single out" is to "make alone" and thus make lonely. God did not do this to you. Could He set you apart, knowing that your peace lies in His Oneness? He denied you only your request for pain, for suffering is not of His creation. Having given you creation, He could not take it from you. He could but answer your insane request with a sane answer which would abide with you in your insanity. [And this He did. No one who hears His answer but will give up insanity.] For His answer is the reference point beyond illusions from which you can look back on them and see them as insane. But seek this place, and you will find it, for love is in you and will lead you there.

 
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