When I was little we didn't have Iphones or Play Stations or any complicated hand-held gaming system, but...we did have Space Invaders, which we could play at the Pizza Hut. Compared to today's graphics it was basic, but my brother and I thought it was super cool. My brother had a hand held Space Invaders game that he never let me play. One day, while he was outside I got a hold of it. I just wanted to see what it did and how it worked.
Well, I broke it. I actually have no recollection of what I did to the game or if it was permanently broken, but what I do remember is being so scared and upset that I went to hide in my closet. I climbed to the very back and hid underneath a big bag of old stuffed animals. I stayed there for what seemed like a very long time.
My parents eventually came to find me, but they never said a thing about the game (so I probably didn't really break it). They were just worried about me...but all I could think about was how I had let them and my brother down.
Looking back on the way I handled the situation, I have no idea what I thought I was going to do...stay in my closet forever? And, if I had really broken it, you didn't need to hire a detective to figure who was the culprit.
Regardless, I felt like I couldn't face the people I loved, so I hid.
And waited.
Ironically, I never felt safe...hidden away, not being close to mom and dad, in the dark confines of a closet. The safety I tried to create didn't happen.
It is funny that I remember that experience so vividly, but I guess we all have ways of locking ourselves away so we don't have to face the unknown. Or of closing the doors to protect ourselves.
That's what the disciples did. They hid upstairs in a room. The curious thing about their decision, which we sometimes forget, is they are locking themselves away in fear when they already know that Jesus had been raised. They already know their LORD, whom they love so very, very much is out there someplace and yet...they steal away.
I know it says they hid away because they were afraid of the Jews, and I think they were...I mean, Jesus had just been hung on the cross. But I think there's a bit more to it than just being afraid of the authorities. I mean, Jesus was just raised from the dead! I'm thinking they would at least feel a bit like God's got their back!
I think a lot of their fear was a bit more of a fear of Jesus... What would it mean to see him face to face? What would it mean to embrace this man they had seen die? What would it mean to be one of the disciples who loved Jesus so much and yet...they had let Jesus down.
When they locked the Jews out - they also locked themselves in. They locked themselves away from anything unusual, from any news, from anymore unexplainable happenings, from Jesus.
I think they locked themselves away because it hurt too much to hope. They had already done that: they had already put their hearts out there, already believed in someone more than they thought they ever could.
Could they really hope that He had really come back? That's just a bit too much to hope for.
Subconsciously, in hiding away, they locked up their hearts.
Thomas, did the same thing, just in a different way. He said, "You know, we've got to get on with our lives. Let's just pretend like this didn't happen and move on." Thomas was a realist. He was protecting his heart, and who's to blame him for that? I'm with Thomas. It hurts a lot to hope.
Give me something, give me someone, I can feel and touch.
Give me someone, who's going to come find me.
No one wants to get hurt. We are able to erect walls around our hearts in a myriad of ways. We don't need four solid walls. However, when we do this we become disconnected from the very one for whom our hearts long - Jesus.
You know what my favorite part of this is? Jesus doesn't even have the decency to knock. He just comes on in, as if he knows they are going to be too scared to let him in. He knows, if he asks if he can come on in, they'll peep out the door and size him up and wonder, 'Is it really Jesus? Could it really be true?' And then they'll spend 15 minutes debating whether they should let Him in or not.
So, Jesus just lets himself in. Comes to these scared disciples for the second time after He's been raised. Again and again He comes to them, as he promises to come again and again to us - His confused and scared disciples.
Jesus is alive. Alive! But they don't believe it. Honestly, I probably wouldn't either. On many days it is hard to believe.
But when Jesus enters that room, He creates a sanctuary. A sanctuary is a place of refuge, of peace, of true safety.
Over and over, Jesus makes himself known no matter where we hide, or if we put up walls around our hearts, or deny the resurrection, or ask for more proof...
No matter our response to the Resurrection, Jesus' is always the same: Peace be with you.
It's gonna be okay. That's really what this type of peace is that Jesus gives us...an internal sense that despite it all - it will be made right. It's a peace that speaks to our hearts - not our eyes or our minds. Even with Thomas, who seemingly needs more tangible proof - he can't help but exclaim, "My LORD and my God" - it's an expression of the heart - of faith.
Our faith is grounded in the extraordinary truth that God raises people from the ashes, that God can and does do unexpected things, that every single time we walk out our front doors, we may be asked to touch the wounds of Jesus, and that at any time, Jesus may just walk into our locked up hearts and say, "Peace be with you."
That is a "My LORD and my God," realization.
Jesus breathes peace into the dark places where we hide and offers an outstretched hand when we need to touch him. Jesus not only bears witness to the pain in the world, but bears the pain of the world.
In Jesus' resurrection we see what God can do with pain.
That is God's job - to resurrect us.
And our job is to sit in rooms with people, to let down the walls around our hearts, and to be the peace of Christ as much as we possibly can.
When this happens...our secret rooms, our dark closets become sanctuaries. And they become sanctuaries because Jesus pushes his way in and makes a sanctuary in us, in our lives, in this world.
The implications of the Resurrection are staggering - because it means everywhere you look, anyplace you hide, in all the nooks and crannies of life...Jesus has been there and is there and will be there.
Amen.
