Helping Your Kids Feel Safe in a Crazy World
Jim Burns
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President of HomeWord and Executive Director of the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University
These days, we are all too aware of the violence and tragic acts that take place in our cities and towns. Because of the frequency of crime, school shootings and acts of domestic violence that we see and hear about, we can grow desensitized - even if it is little by little. But our kids are different. These situations hit them harder. They are more susceptible to the stresses of a violent world than we are. The good news is that parents can take preventative measures that will help kids feel safer.
1. Keep your parental influence strong. One of the most powerful ways to make your kids feel safe is to simply "be there" for them by being involved in their lives. Your proactive presence provides kids with a greater sense of security than almost any other quality you can offer.
2. Make communication with your kids a priority. Good communication between parents and kids is always a great goal, but even more so during seasons of life when kids feel stressed or threatened by situations in their lives or community. An important reminder: a huge part of communication is listening. When you actively listen to your kids and they know that you accept their feelings and treat them as credible, they feel safe.
3. Develop a support system for your kids. In our world it makes sense to ensure your kids have other supporting resources -- beyond you -- like other caring adults that they can turn to in times of trouble. In creating this support system, you build a larger safety net for your kids in times of crisis.
4. Make your home a safe-haven for your kids and their friends. Make your home an inviting place where your kids and their friends enjoy hanging out. Your kids are going to hang out somewhere. Why not make your home the place where everyone feels safe?
5. Create a crisis plan. No one enjoys talking about the possibilities of "what if?" But families who have created a crisis plan that is reviewed and adjusted periodically will know what to do if the unexpected occurs. And doing so gives kids a greater sense of security.
6. Be a role model of faith. Provide a sense of safety for your kids by being a positive role model for them about what it means to be a Christ-follower in the midst of a crazy world. Show them through how you live your life that God is worthy to be trusted in all things.
Get to Know Your Child's Friends
Jim Burns -
President of HomeWord and Executive Director of the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University
During the teenage years kids' social lives begin to blossom and develop, often becoming the most important area of their lives.
The need for acceptance and belonging drives some young people into lives of moral compromise. Unfortunately, the desire to belong can sometimes be greater than the desire to live a life of non-compromise. Kids can view compromise as valuable if the end result is that their social group will accept them.
The priority of social development of adolescents is a good reason why parents should do whatever they can to get to know their teen's friends. Knowing your teen's friends will definitely provide insight into the morals and values that are influencing your son or daughter. In the process of getting to know your teen's friends, you will learn a lot about your own daughter or son as well.
Here are a few suggestions when it comes to getting to know your child's friends.
1. Never embarrass your kids in front of their friends. Doing so will lessen the likelihood that your kids will want to have their friends hang out when you are around.
2. Don't Act Like a Teenager. You're not one. Your kids know it. Their friends know it. Be friendly. Don't be overbearing when trying to get to know your child's friends. Be yourself.
3. Offer the Secret Ingredient for Friendship-Building. It's no secret that kids like to eat. And typically there's food around when we hang out with our friends. Take advantage of the food-friend connection by making sure you always have some "fun food" on hand when your kids bring their friends around.
4. Allow Kids to be "Kids." Sometimes teenagers just need to "let off a little steam." When they do, they might act a little weird at times. But as long as they're not doing anything illegal or immoral, just let them be. Don't constantly nag them about normal "kid" behaviors.
5. If space and resources allow, consider having a dedicated "kid-friendly" area in your home. It's a good idea to turn an unused room or space in your home into a "kid-friendly" area where your kids and their friends can hang out. This way, as a parent, you can pop in periodically, have some interaction with the group, and then pop back out again.
How to Protect Your Kids From Burning Out
Jim Burns -President of HomeWord and Executive Director of the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University
The pace of life in today's culture is hectic. It's tough enough for adults to maintain balance. Unfortunately, the danger of kids overdoing it is greater. A rising number of kids are "burning out" because they are simply too busy. Generally, kids love to be involved in activities. But how much is too much?
Wise parents need to be proactive in overseeing their kids' activities, in order to help them learn how to make good decisions and to live balanced lives. Parents should walk alongside them, helping them get involved, while avoiding over commitment.
Here are some ideas for helping kids maintain balance in this area:
Evaluate your child's schedule.
How busy is your kid now? School, homework, athletics, hobbies, and church activities all add up to a significant amount of your child's time.
Consider what activities can be eliminated.
If your children are already living busy lives, and they are motivated to take on even more, help them figure out what current activities and involvements can be cut back.
Teach the lesson that no one can do everything.
There are many involvements and activities worthy of commitment. Help your kids learn that there is such a thing as being overcommitted---even to worthy causes.
Help kids to evaluate potential new activities.
Teach them to evaluate whether new activities will help them grow as a person, how it might affect relationships with their family and friends, and to consider potential positive and negative outcomes from their involvement.
Watch for signs of stress.
Keep an eye on your kids for emerging signs of stress and if you see a pattern of stress emerging, help your son or daughter evaluate the source. If busyness is causing stress, it's time to cut back.
Leave room for other necessities.
A healthy life requires balance and eating the right foods, finding time for relaxation, regular exercise, and getting a good night's sleep are all necessary for kids to avoid "burning out."
