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From the Desk of Dr. Molly Grumich
Principal
Dear Parent/Guardians:
After reading this article, I knew I wanted to share it with all of you. It resonated with me about my own teenage years as well as the mom of soon to be high schooler.
X-Plan: Giving your kids a way out (#xplan)
(
As seen on The Today Show, Good Housekeeping, HerViewFromHome, ScaryMommy, The Huffington Post, Mamamia, MomsEveryday, and numerous social and news media outlets. UPDATED - 3/3/2017)
Friends, as most of you know, I get to spend an hour each week with a group of young people going through addiction recovery. Yes. Young people. I'm talking teenagers who are locked away for at least six months as they learn to overcome their addictions. I'm always humbled and honored to get this time with these beautiful young souls that have been so incredibly assaulted by a world they have yet to understand. This also comes with the bittersweet knowledge that these kids still have a fighting chance while several of my friends have already had to bury their own children.
Recently I asked these kids a simple question: "How many of you have found yourself in situations where things started happening that you weren't comfortable with, but you stuck around, mainly because you felt like you didn't have a way out?"
They all raised their hands.
Every single one of them.
In the spirit of transparency ... I get it. Though in my mid-forties, I'm still in touch with that awkward boy who often felt trapped in the unpredictable currents of teenage experiences. I can't count the times sex, drugs, and alcohol came rushing into my young world; I wasn't ready for any of it, but I didn't know how to escape and, at the same time, not castrate myself socially. I still recall my first time drinking beer at a friend's house in junior high school-I hated it, but I felt cornered. As an adult, that now seems silly, but it was my reality at the time. "Peer pressure" was a frivolous term for an often silent, but very real thing; and I certainly couldn't call my parents and ask them to rescue me. I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place. As a teen, forcing down alcohol seemed a whole lot easier than offering myself up for punishment, endless nagging and interrogation, and the potential end of freedom as I knew it.
X-Plan
For these reasons, we now have something called the "X-plan" in our family. This simple, but powerful tool is a lifeline that our kids are free to use at any time. Here's how it works:
Let's say that my youngest, Danny, gets dropped off at a party. If anything about the situation makes him uncomfortable, all he has to do is text the letter "X" to any of us (his mother, me, his older brother or sister.) The one who receives the text has a very basic script to follow. Within a few minutes, they call Danny's phone. When he answers, the conversation goes like this:
"Hello?"
"Danny, something's come up and I have to come get you right now."
"What happened?"
"I'll tell you when I get there. Be ready to leave in five minutes. I'm on my way."
At that point, Danny tells his friends that something's happened at home, someone is coming to get him, and he has to leave.
In short, Danny knows he has a way out; at the same time, there's no pressure on him to open himself to any social ridicule. He has the freedom to protect himself while continuing to grow and learn to navigate his world.
This is one of the most loving things we've ever given him, and it offers him a sense of security and confidence in a world that tends to beat our young people into submission.
However, there's one critical component to the X-plan: Once he's been extracted from the trenches, Danny knows that he can tell us as much or as little as he wants ... but it's completely up to him. The X-plan comes with the agreement that we will pass no judgments and ask no questions (even if he is 10 miles away from where he's supposed to be.) This can be a hard thing for some parents (admit it, some of us are complete control-freaks;) but I promise it might not only save them, but it will go a long way in building trust between you and your kid.
(One caveat here is that Danny knows if someone is in danger, he has a moral obligation to speak up for their protection, no matter what it may cost him personally. That's part of the lesson we try to teach our kids-we are our brother's keeper, and sometimes we have to stand for those too weak to stand for themselves. Beyond that, he doesn't have to say a word to us. Ever.)
For many of us parents, we lament the intrusion of technology into our relationships. I hate seeing people sit down to dinner together and then proceed to stare into their phones. It drives me nuts when my kids text me from another room in our house. However, cell phones aren't going away, so we need to find ways to use this technology to help our kids in any way we can.
Since first publishing this piece, I've seen an incredible amount of discussion about the pros and cons. Here are some of the questions folks have had:
Doesn't this encourage dishonesty?
Absolutely not. It actually presents an opportunity for you as a parent to teach your kids that they can be honest (something DID come up, and they DO have to leave), while learning that it's okay to be guarded in what they reveal to others. They don't owe anyone an explanation the next day, and if asked can give the honest answer, "It's private and I don't want to talk about it." Boom! Another chance for a social skill life-lesson from Mom and Dad.
Does this cripple a kid socially instead of teaching them to stand up to others?
I know plenty of adults who struggle to stand up to others. This simply gives your kid a safe way out as you continue to nurture that valuable skill.
What if this becomes habitual?
If you're regularly rescuing your kid, hopefully your family is having some conversations about that.
If you don't talk about it or ask questions, how do they learn?
If you're building a relationship of trust with your kids, they'll probably be the ones to start the conversation. More importantly, most of these conversations need to take place on the FRONT-side of events. Ever taken a cruise? They all make you go through the safety briefing in case the boat sinks. They don't wait until the ship's on fire to start telling you about the lifeboats. Talk with them. Let your kids ask questions and give them frank answers.
If they're not where they're supposed to be, shouldn't there be consequences?
Let's be honest. A kid in fear of punishment is a lot less likely to reach out for help when the world comes at them. Admitting that they're in over their heads is a pretty big life-lesson all by itself. However, don't get so caught up in all of the details. This isn't a one-size-fits-all scheme. Every parent, every kid, and every situation is unique. What it might look like in your family could be totally different from mine-and that's okay.
I urge you to use some form of our X-plan in your home. If you honor it, your kids will thank you for it. You never know when something so simple could be the difference between your kid laughing with you at the dinner table or spending six months in a recovery center ... or (God forbid) something far worse.
At the end of the day, however, the most important thing is that you're having some open, honest discussions with your kids. Keep building a relationship of trust. This isn't the same world we grew up in. It's not like sneaking a beer at Billy's house anymore. Our kids face things on a daily basis that-given one bad decision-can be fatal. Don't believe me? I've been to funerals for great kids from awesome families.
Friends, it's a dangerous world. And our kids are out in it everyday.
Prayers for strength and compassion to the parents out there as we all try to figure out this whole parenting gig-it never gets easy.
I beg you to share this piece. Talk about it with your kids. If this somehow gives just one kid a way out of a bad situation, we can all feel privileged to have been a part of that.
#xplan
Blessings, friends.
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The
2017-2018 school year enrollment-tuition packets have been mailed. All completed and signed paperwork along with a tuition deposit of $350.00 is due back
tomorrow to the Finance Office.
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Junior Service:
All Juniors are reminded to complete any special orientation or immunization requirement prior to beginning their Junior Service Project in May.
Muscle Walk:
Students from IWA are invited to participate in the Muscle Walk to support the Muscular Dystrophy Association on Sunday, April 2 in Forest Park. The Muscle Walk is a one-mile, non-competitive, non-athletic, symbolic walk to honor the families affected by muscle diseases, remember those we have lost, and celebrate the strides the MDA has made. All of the money raised from the St. Louis MDA Muscle Walk will benefit research, summer camp and provideaid to those living with muscle disease in our community.
Participation forms can be picked up by Ms. Pitti's office. The forms and money ($20) are due March 9 (tomorrow.)
Baby Shower for Birthright:
The Respect Life Club will be sponsoring a Baby Shower for Birthright on
Monday, March 27 during the four lunch mods in the Campus Ministry room. We are looking for all kinds of baby items to be donated, such as baby wipes, baby clothes, blankets, diapers, onesies, baby lotion, bibs, baby toys, etc. If anyone has anything to donate, please bring it to the Campus Ministry Room by Monday, March 27. All girls are welcome to attend this baby shower just by bringing in a baby gift.
Freshman service cards are due no later than
Wednesday, April 5, 2017. Please remind your daughters.
Service Opportunities:
*
Volunteers are needed to help at the Special Friends Retreat on Saturday, March 18 at Sacred Heart Parish in Florissant from 9:30-3:00. Please email Ms. Pitti at
gpitti@iwacademy.org
if interested in volunteering.
*Volunteers are needed to help with the
2017 St. Ferdinand Benefit Basketball Tournament and BBQ. This will event will benefit Hazelwood Officer Craig Tudor and two community organizations - Marygrove and T.E.A.M. food pantry. The event will be held at St. Ferdinand, 1765 Charbonier, Florissant, MO 63031.
When:
Sat. March 18, 25 and Sun. March 12, 19, 26.
Volunteers are needed to help take food orders, sell t-shirts, work concession stand, food prep, and be runners. If you would like to volunteer for one of the above dates, please contact Kristi Pettibone at 314-477-2778 or Mike Johnson at 314-740-4162.
Volunteer times to work are:
Saturdays: 8:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. 12:00-4:00 p.m. 4:00-8:00 p.m.
Sundays: 11:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m. 3 p.m. - 7 p.m.
You could work one or more shifts.
Suggestions for the Season of Lent:
- Take time to pray for peace and justice in our world.
- Do some acts of kindness.
- Call someone you haven't spoken to for a while.
- Read the Bible daily.
- Practice patience and understanding.
- Volunteer your time to help someone in need.
- Practice fast and abstinence, especially on Fridays of Lent.
Campus Minister
gpitti@iwacademy.org
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FROM THE COUNSELING DEPARTMENT:
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Junior Parents/Guardians: The ACT is coming up on April 19! Testing will occur during the school day (students will have a half day) and students
do not need to register for the test themselves. The score from this test does count as an official ACT score and can be sent to colleges. Please be sure your daughter is using Naviance Test Prep to help prepare for the 19th.
Senior Parents/Guardians: As your daughter continues receiving acceptances and scholarships, please ensure that she makes a copy and brings it in to the Counseling Office. Additionally, the beginning of second semester is a great time to make second visits to colleges your daughter is strongly considering. Have fun - this is an exciting time.
Scholarships: For a complete listing of scholarships available, please encourage your daughter to see Naviance under the "Colleges" tab.
Additionally, students are encouraged to use this website
to find local scholarship and grant opportunities (click here.)
Additional Opportunities:
On March 30th, Nicole Moon, an IWA alum, will be bringing robots which were made by the Mars Rover Design Team at Missouri S&T. The team will be doing presentations during the lunch mods. Any students interested in science, technology, and engineering are encouraged to attend.
Washington University in St. Louis (WashU) is hosting open & free informational sessions on Essay Writing (for students) and Financial Assistance (for parents). Both sessions begin at
7 pm on Thursday, April 20. There is an optional campus tour at
5:30 pm.
The St. Louis Alumnae Panhellenic Association is hosting an informational session titled "Facing College with Confidence" for high school senior women and their parents interested in learning more about sorority membership in college. Students may choose between two sessions - Saturday, March 4, 2PM - 3:30PM or
Saturday, April 1, 2PM - 3:30PM
. For more information or to register, please
click
here
.
Kaplan is offering a FREE live online ACT prepathon on Saturday, March 25 from 11AM - 5PM
. An ACT expert will be joining students through Kaplan's website to discuss test-taking strategies and demonstrating how to answer different types of questions. To register, click here.
Emma Goldberg, M.Ed, NCC, PLPC
College & Career Counselor
egoldberg@iwacademy.org
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FROM THE ATHLETIC OFFICE:
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JOIN US AT THE IWA GOLF TOURNAMENT
May 5, 2017
Normandie Golf Course
Always a Great Day to be A RED KNIGHT!
Athletic Director
lorlet@iwacademy.org
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Saturday, April 8, 2017
Featuring Celebrity Auctioneer Dan Buck
Ticket Information:
Tickets are $100 per person through March 24th.
Any tickets purchased after March 24th will be $115 per person.
Schedule for the Evening:
5:00 PM - Celebration of Mass in the Chapel
6:00 PM - Auction Begins/All Sections Open/Raffle Sales Begin
7:00 PM - Prayer & Dinner
8:00 PM - Oral Auction Begins
Purchase your Auction tickets here!
Questions?
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IWA Alumnae Association
Annual Easter Egg Hunt
Saturday, April 1st
Doors Open at 9:30 AM
Hunt Begins at 10:00 AM
IWA Theater Building (back entrance)
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Come one, Come all!
Alumnae, Friends, Grandparents and Kids!
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Gather on Campus to visit with the Easter Bunny
and your IWA friends as we search high and low
for Easter Eggs, and have lots of fun with Arts and Crafts.
Donuts, Coffee and Juice will be provided.
If you have questions, please contact Kathy Bannes at kbannes@iwacademy.org or
call 314-725-5850, ext. 1183
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Please come join us for a festive night of shopping, food and fun at Incarnate Word Academy! We will have over 50 merchandise vendors featuring a variety of items...jewelry, apparel, frames and much more! Additionally there will be complimentary food vendors providing a sampling of your
St. Louis favorites. Each attendee will be given a reusable shopping bag
with goodies!
Attendance before event is $25, $30 at the door.
T-shirts are available with your registration until Tuesday, April 18th, for an additional $10.
If you have registration questions, please contact Kathy Bannes at kbannes@iwacademy.org
Spring Boutique 2017 Sponsorship Opportunities:
Rose Level ($1,000) - company logo with special recognition in program, company logo on signage, six complimentary event tickets, if purchased before 4/18 - includes six Spring Boutique t-shirts.
Tulip Level ($500) - company logo with special recognition in program, company logo on signage, four complimentary event tickets, if purchased before 4/18 - four Spring Boutique t-shirts.
Lily Level ($250) - special recognition in program, name on signage, two complimentary event tickets, if purchased by 4/18 - two Spring Boutique t-shirts.
Daisy Level ($100) - special recognition in the program, name on signage, one complimentary event ticket, if purchased before 4/18 - includes one Spring Boutique t-shirt.
CLICK HERE TO SECURE YOUR SPONSORSHIP!
For any additional questions, please contact either
Phyllis Timmermann or Kate Gift at springboutique@yahoo.com
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Fri., Mar. 10 - Regular day of school
March 13th-March 17th - SPRING BREAK
Mon., Mar. 20 - Classes resume
- Regular day of school
Tues., Mar. 21 - Regular day of school
Wed., Mar. 22 - Late start - HR begins at 9:00 am
- HR-GPA checks
Thurs., Mar. 23 - Regular day of school
Fri., Mar. 24 - Regular day of school
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Incarnate Word Academy | 314.725.5850 | www.iwacademy.org
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