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"What's Stopping Me?"

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I'm a master at procrastination.

      Oh, not with respect to the things that absolutely HAVE to be done on time, like paying bills, getting up in the morning to go to work, or putting gas in my car when it's close to empty.  The consequences of putting those off are worse than the effort and motivation it takes to just do them.

      But as I sit down at my computer every Wednesday night to start my Newsletter, I look around the room and see boxes--many of them. "Two men and a truck" boxes that have been there since I moved into my house over a year and a half ago. "I'll go through those boxes this weekend," I tell myself this lie continually.  Then the weekend comes, and there's always something else to do ... run with my friends, visit my Mom, spend time with my daughter, etc.

     So "what's stopping me?" Truthfully, I know that when I go through those boxes, I will need to make decisions. I already know that I need to purge. I have too much clutter in my life. But sometimes there's a fine line between purging and holding on.  Memories, for one.  So I know the process will be more than just time-consuming. It will be "emotion-consuming."  What is stopping me from letting go? It's that inner "Chicken Little" that tells me if I step outside my comfort zone, the sky will fall in on me.  It's the fear of admitting I can't do it all myself, that I'm not in control.

     We are hard-wired to want to control things. We build, we plan, we train, we save, we study, etc., all in pursuit of some sort of goal. But the truth is, no matter how carefully we try to orchestrate our lives, situations arise that we didn't plan on.

    The day my daughter and I moved into our new home and started a new life, I was scared to death. More than ever, it felt like my world was spinning out of control.  Although it didn't happen overnight, I came to understand at a deeper level the truth behind this quote many of us have heard over-and-over, almost ad nauseum: "You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you." Brian Tracy.

    What does this mean in terms of running? As runners, I think many of us give up on our goals, fall short of our goals, or lose sight of why we set the goal in the first place because something happens that ignites that spark of doubt, of not being in control. We start asking questions: "What if I can't finish? What if it rains? What if it's hot? What if it's windy? What if I am slower than everyone else?" You get the idea. There are always going to be some aspects of a race that we can't control--the weather or the course (i.e., hilly) for instance. But those are the "uncontrollables." We can't do anything about them, so we adapt.

       What we can do is focus on those variables we can control. That is what you have been doing in preparing for the 25K River Bank Run over the winter months and into spring. You have been putting in the miles, especially the long ones on Saturday mornings with Mentor Group.  Your body has been slowly adapting, getting stronger so that you are ready for this journey.  In these final weeks of preparation, continue what you've been doing and you will be prepared on race day.  Make healthy choices in terms of the physical part of your training--nutrition, lifestyle, sleep habits, and life balance.  Of equal importance, practice what you've learned about the mental part of training. Focus on staying positive and having faith in yourself.  You will then be ready to step over, go around, or blast through the perceived obstacles that litter your path along the way. 

      Despite your best efforts, however, there may be some of you who choose not to run the 25k because of situations that arise. That's all part of life.  Just be sure that the decision is not because of fear of failure.  Often we are just getting ready to enter the end zone when we stop short. We are that close to a goal and we tell ourselves it's OK to quit, because we're not ready, and "we can always do it next year." We forget the strength and courage we have within ourselves. Or we forget the reasons we started the journey in the first place and get side-tracked by less significant factors. I know that feeling of trying to soldier onward when I really want to cave.  It is almost crazy-making.

     In fact, it was only a couple of months ago, I had almost talked myself out of running this year's Boston Marathon. And then I paused for a moment and asked myself, "What's stopping me?" For one thing, I had almost convinced myself I could not finish because of inconsistent training and injuries.  I was also worried about what other people will think as they track me on the course (" Oh my, look how much she's slowed down!"). And I was concerned my mental strength might give out on me because of the challenges I've faced this year.

       Realistically, I know that while all these things are possible, I also know I can choose to adjust my attitude.  And so I am planning to go to Boston and "live in the moment."  I will work at convincing my inner cheerleader--the quiet one who currently only whispers--that she is stronger than my inner critic whose voice blasts loud in my head.

     So when a goal seems unreachable, maybe the question isn't "what" is stopping you, but "who" is stopping you?  It could be that inner critic. Take a deep breath and remind yourself why you started running in the first place. Then reflect on, and be grateful for, all the other unexpected benefits you derived along the way. For myself, running has given me better health, but that's only the tip of the iceberg. Because of running, I have forged strong friendships. I have learned that if I can get through a marathon or ultramarathon, I can get through other challenges in my life.  I have come to appreciate a soft rain on a hot summer day.  I have relished the feeling of a hot shower after a cold winter run. And I have come to understand the "circle of giving" as a volunteer in the running community.

      I hope you continue to find health, happiness, and self-fulfillment in your own running. And if you come to a bump in the road and want to stop, pause for a moment and ask yourself, "What (or who!) is stopping me?" If the answer is the "loud inner critic," block out the noise and listen to the whispering cheerleader that says softly, " I can."