Dear Emily Post Institute,

What is business casual dress for offices in the USA?

How do you convince young employees that body piercing, tattoos, leggings, green nail polish, denim is not appropriate (if it is considered inappropriate) in the professional office (architects, banks, healthcare, educational institutions, and media) when they are bombarded with magazines, commercials, athletes, movie stars, national news anchors, who are wearing the above at work?

Thank you and kindest regards,

Margaret Ann

Dear Margaret Ann,

It is certainly difficult for young employees to get the right idea about appropriate work attire when both the media portrayal of work clothing (especially on television and in movies) always skews toward tight, revealing, and vibrant and our American culture has become more casual with its attire in general. Many companies have casual attire policies (or no policy at all) today when  50-60 years ago the same company would have been a place where suits were the norm without question. We currently have four generations all together in the work place, and they have a wide range of experiences and expectations when it comes to "work attire." No wonder you end up with suits at the creative loft and green nail polish at the conservative firm.

It's important for companies to ensure that when new employees start work that they are aware of the expectations for attire and that those expectations are clearly spelled out. If this hasn't been done from the start, companies can take an active approach by deciding to make a policy and announce it. Many companies periodically reinforce or remind employees about what counts as appropriate. A staff meeting may be the best place to raise the subject if it's a company wide problem. If it's an issue with one or two employees the Human Resources department or a manager should address the issue privately with the individual employee(s).

Dear Post Family,
Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I would appreciate your insights, as I really don't want to offend. My friend is getting married and I wasn't invited. This isn't the issue. I understand that guest lists can be limited for all kinds of reasons. My friend seems embarrassed that she wasn't able to invite me, and I feel like she avoids talking about the wedding with me. I have two questions: 1. Is there any way I can let her to know she can lighten up about it - I'm not upset - or is that presumptuous? 2. I would like to get her a gift but I think in her current state if I gave it to her before the wedding she would keel over from guilt. Should I get her something?

Please help,
Katya

Dear Katya,
Your predicament is not uncommon. Some brides get frosty or distant around friends they can't invite to the wedding and others just feel a lot of guilt that they can't invite everyone they'd like to their big day. In either case the bride can be very unsure of whether or not to discuss wedding details with those not invited. On the one hand it's a lovely way to include and share with others who can't attend, on the other, it can be seen as telling someone about a great time they won't get to experience.

Best to let your friend know you'd love to hear about her wedding by asking her questions when you get together. You can say things like "You are going to have the best time!" or "I can't wait to see pictures afterward!" to indicate that you are excited, but you know you're not invited. As long as these phrases come across as sincere you won't look as if you're fishing for an invite or that you're trying to hammer in the point that you are won't be there.

When it comes to the gift, it's probably best to wait and give it to her after the wedding. She'll appreciate the gesture for sure, but it won't get lost among her worry about you not being invited.
 

For more information on wedding etiquette, check out Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette, 6th edition or visit www.emilypost.com.  

Dear Emily Post,
Thank you for taking the time to read my question. I am a mom of 4 kids ages 7 - 14. I feel like I am a playlist on repeat: "Say, 'excuse me'," "Say please," "Shake hands," "Say hello," "Use your napkin not your sleeve," "Don't pick your nose" ...it's a long playlist... How can I teach my kids manners without feeling like I'm a nag on repeat!
Any thoughts you have I'm sure would help.

Thank you again,
Rebecca (AKA Broken Record)


Dear Rebecca,

Oh how we sympathize! We completely understand that it is frustrating to say the same things over and over again and feel like you're not getting anywhere. But you are absolutely doing the right thing! When we are encouraging children to have good manners, we need to use repetition both to remind kids when manners are going to be important as well as to get these manners to become habits and, as adults, we know it takes a long time to form a habit.
 
We teach our children how to say the word "please." We teach them that how they say the word matters (there's a sarcastic please and a sincere please). We teach them when to say it. Then we repeat. We repeat. We repeat. We repeat. The repetition is the part that gets it to stick. So never give up (well maybe it's ok to give up once they are grown and you see them using these words, behaviors, and manners regularly) but know that all the repetition during these early and teen years is exactly the right thing to do!