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Quote #12
"To survive as a parent you must ensure that your self-care is as good as your child-care."
-Fi Newood
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March 7, 2017 Twentieth Edition
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Greetings!
Our parents so often don't see themselves as being important enough or worn out enough to get help and support for themselves. But parents, you are the most important! Without taking care of yourself and keeping your heart in top shape, your child cannot heal.
So many parents develop secondary PTSD from living and coping with a trauma survivor in their homes. They live in war zones that they can't get away from because it's in their own home!
Enjoy!
Love, Karen
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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in Parents of
Reactive Attachment Disordered Children
Many foster and adoptive families of Reactive Attachment Disordered children live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected, after all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems. Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life. An emotionally unhealthy way of life. We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?
The majority of the population does not understand the dynamics of parenting a RAD child. Family and friends may think that you -- the parent are the one with the problem. Families are frequently turned in on false abuse allegations. Support is non-existent because outsiders can't even begin to imagine that children can be so destructive.
It is a known fact, that kids diagnosed with RAD tend to target their Moms, play it cool around their Dads, and charm strangers. Where does that leave a parent? Without strong support and understanding, the parent will become isolated, demoralized, hurt, confused, and often held accountable for the actions of their child.
Families are simply not prepared for the profound anger that lives in the heart and soul of our RAD children. It's heartbreaking, frustrating, mind-boggling, and extremely stressful. In essence, we're fighting to teach our children how to love and trust. Intimacy frightens our children; they have lost the ability to love, to trust, and to feel remorse for hurtful actions. They see us as the enemy. Small expectations on our part can set our children off in ways that are not only indescribable but also often unbelievable.
Your home becomes a war zone and you feel totally inadequate. You begin to question your parenting abilities and your own sanity. You know that your child has been hurt beyond words, you ache for them. Despite your loving intentions and actions, it's thrown in your face. Your heart's desire is to provide your child with untold opportunities, a future, and all the love in the world. You want to soothe your child. You want your child to have a fulfilling childhood and to grow up to be a responsible adult. Yet, you are met with hatred and fierce anger.
In war, the battle lines are drawn; an antagonism exists between two enemies. In our homes, we are not drawing battle lines; we are not prepared for war. We are prepared for parenting. Consequently, the ongoing stress can result in disastrous effects on our well-being literally causing our emotional and physical health to deteriorate.
The primary symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder include:
- Avoidance -- refusing to recognize the thoughts and feelings associated with the trauma, this further includes avoiding activities, individuals, and places associated with the trauma.
- Intense distress -- when certain cues or "triggers" set off memories of the traumatic event. You may have trouble concentrating, along with feelings of irritability, and frustration over trivial events that never bothered you in the past.
- Nightmares and flashbacks -- insomnia or oversleeping may occur. You may exhibit symptoms such as heightened alertness and startle easily.
- A loss of interest in your life -- detaching yourself from loved ones. Losing all hope for the future and a lack of loving feelings.
Secondary symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can include:
- The realization that you are no longer the person you once were. Relationships have changed by alienating yourself from loved ones. Loneliness and a feeling of helplessness prevail in your daily life.
- Depression, which can lead to a negative self-image, lowered self-esteem, along with feeling out of control of your life and environment. You may become a workaholic and physical problems may develop.
- You become overly cautious and insecure. Angry outbursts may occur, putting stress on significant relationships.
If you are parenting a child diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, you will not escape adverse effects. It is essential to recognize that your feelings are typical under stressful conditions. It is just as essential to accept the fact that extensive stress is unhealthy. By recognizing the symptoms and seeking support, you will strengthen your abilities to cope. Counselling is readily available to families and individuals. Take advantage of resources that will help you put the traumatic experiences into perspective, enabling you to let go of past feelings by replacing them with positive skills for recovery.
-- Jody Swarbrick
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One of the best ways to care for yourself while raising a child with RAD is to have respite breaks. To keep your self sane, focused, and loving, scheduled breaks are a MUST! Ideally, respite should be for a few hours every week, and one weekend a month. Parents need to rest and relax!!
If you know someone who would love to do respite for you, sign them up for our respite training! It's a six-week course packed full of information: how to use 3BI and other therapeutic interventions, understanding RAD and how our kids' brains work, how to support parents and siblings, and how to set up and get started, along with unlimited Q&A, support, role play, and scenarios to practice your skills on! Each session lasts about an hour and a half, and is followed by a recorded webinar to watch throughout the week.
Therapeutic Respite Training
Save 15% by signing up now!
- Dates: Mondays, April 3rd – May 8th, 2017
- Time: 8:30PM EST
- Attendance Limit: 5 people
- Price: Now only $170(CAD)!
- Format: Live Video Conferencing
Description: Learn how to effectively provide therapeutic respite for children with RAD! Sign up HERE!
"I highly recommend Karen's Online Respite Training. It is packed full of information from "What is RAD" to "A day in Respite", and everything in between you need to learn about providing A+ respite care to drowning families."
-Teresa M.;
Union City, OH
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- Courses and Webinars Coming up in 2017 -
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The RADish Ranch
ONLY 7 DAYS TO GO - GRAB YOUR SPOT NOW!
Online Respite Training Course
Date & Time: Begins April 3, 2017; 6 sessions, once a week on Monady evenings at 8:30PM EST
Learn More...
Mom-to-Mom Support Group
Date & Time:
Begins April 4, 2017; 6 sessions, once a week on Tuesday mornings at 11:30AM EST
Learn More...
Prevention - Not Intervention
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"For I know the plans I have for you",
declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE."
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