I'm returning to the subject of worrying for this first missive of 2017, and what we might do if our level of worrying is something we're concerned about: we're doing it too much or we've been doing it too long for example, and it's getting in the way of our making the most of ourselves. 
Quick caveat to begin with. There are lots of life situations that can be difficult for us, and to try and say "Just don't worry about it" is not helpful. What we're focusing on here is what we can do if worrying has started to become a problem for us - we can't or don't want to do something about the situation we find ourselves in, but we do want to do something about the worrying. Whether you're a 'hard-core' worrier, or a part-time fretter, worrying is in the main a pretty pointless exercise, unless it leads us to action/to move on and deal with things.
What can we do about it? If it was simple, we'd have done it already no doubt. It probably requires action on a number of fronts - what we're going to look at here is how we can approach things from a cognitive perspective, and mindfully: what we think about and how we think about it. If you are a worrier, let's acknowledge that
YOU ARE NOT YOUR STORY/YOUR PROBLEM
You have a life story/a life situation, but you are not defined by it, there is more to you than that.
What we're referring to here is that we can spend so long, so much time and effort focusing on that thing or those things that are wrong about ourselves or in our lives that we don't leave room for anything else, and can end up feeling that this is all there is to life, and this is who we are. As above, there is more to you than that, you are not just your past and what's happened to you for example, and there is a present and future for you, distinct from and separate to anything that's gone before.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR MIND
Your mind is part of you, and 'directs' things for you, but it's not all of you, and you are in charge of it, not the other way around.
We're focusing on this 'separate-ness', because when you feel like
-
life
-
what's happening to you
-
what the world is doing to you
-
what others are doing to you
-
etc
is difficult and uncontrollable and there's nothing you can do, it can be helpful to acknowledge that you CAN in fact influence your thoughts - perhaps by just letting unhelpful thoughts go (more on this later) - and therefore your feelings, you CAN do something about them, and you CAN be resourceful and powerful. Yes, you CAN!!!
YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS (OR FEELINGS)
In connection with the mind and our thoughts, let's remember too that thoughts are just words in our mind. These words occupy us, they're our chatter/commentary, and help us to sort things out...............or not. As we've said before, our thinking drives our feelings, so if we're thinking in ways that are unhelpful, and its leading to unhelpful feelings, and perhaps behaviour, changing the way you think will help to change the way you feel. (It's only a start, but it's a good start: 'observing' our thoughts and feelings, as they occur, with a view to letting them go/changing them).
How do we go about replacing unhelpful words/thoughts with more helpful ones, or not having unhelpful chatter etc in our minds at all?
Thinking in unhelpful ways can lead to negative outcomes/symptoms in the four main response areas - PHYSICALLY: in your body; MENTALLY: how you think about things; EMOTIONALLY: how you feel and BEHAVIOURALLY: what you do, what you don't do. These four areas are of course inextricably linked, so that if we feel bad or low emotionally it can have negative physical implications, we can start behaving differently and so on. That's the bad news. The good news is that because this is a cyclical process, if we can make improvements in one of the areas, it will help in all of them. We all know that (manageable) exercise is good for us, and that if we're physically fit, that's going to increase the chances of our being psychologically well too. Equally, if I'm feeling good about myself, it's more likely I'll connect well with others, I'll get the benefits connectedness can bring, helpful thoughts and feelings will ensue, and so on.
Here are a few examples of the sorts of things you can try
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Get Some Exercise
: if you're anxious or just feeling tense it will reduce those feelings (It won't solve all your problems, but it will be helpful)
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Deep Breathing
: this will help too if we're feeling wound up - it's difficult to be tense when you're breathing deeply. Try a basic breathing exercise, like the
Benson Relaxation Method
. You can try this at home, or at work, and when you're feeling calm, thinking and behaving in helpful ways will come more easily
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Distract Yourself
: do something else, occupy your mind with something different
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Change The Script
: we said earlier that thoughts are just words, so why don't I try changing the words, if the script is unhelpful and brings unhelpful feelings? That is easier said than done, but let's try and pin it down and identify something you might be saying to yourself that's disagreeable and unhelpful, and replace it with something else - it can be innocuous or non-sensical even, just as long as it's different, and as a result produces different results (i.e. untroubling). You can try this technique if you're worrying and can't sleep at night: replace the unhelpful (train of) thought with something else - you can only properly focus on one thing at a time, so there won't be room for something unhelpful. Alternatively, try letting thoughts go, as per the meditation exercise below. (Here's a link to
How To Get To Sleep, from the NHS website
).
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Try Writing Things Down
: get things out of your head and onto the page, perhaps in conjunction with the last point above. You can either keep, and develop what you've written, or if you prefer, ceremonially scrunch up the piece of paper, and throw it in the bin (where it maybe belongs?!)
DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK
Thoughts are simply electrochemical impulses in the brain. They are automatic, believable and often persistent - but not necessarily true. They can be just 'opinions', particularly if you're being over-critical of yourself, or putting yourself down unnecessarily for example.
DON'T CONNECT WITH AND IDENTIFY WITH YOUR PROBLEMS/UNHELPFUL THOUGHTS
We're looking here to disengage with what's worrying us, and so avoid the thoughts and feelings that we find unhelpful. If we can engage with the 'here and now', and be mindful, and 'present' and notice what's happening/not happening, moment to moment and be aware, it's less likely we'll fill our heads with any troubling thoughts, worries or concerns.
Here's a brief mindfulness practice taken from the
Be Mindful Online
training course:
The 3-Step Breathing Space
Use the three-step breathing space in moments of stress, when you are troubled in thoughts or feelings. You can use it to step out of automatic pilot; to reconnect with the present moment and your own inner wisdom.
1) Acknowledging
Bring yourself into the present moment by deliberately adopting a dignified posture. Then ask 'What's going on with me at this moment? What thoughts, feelings and body sensations am I experiencing right now?'
You could put your inner experience into words for example, say in your mind 'A feeling of anger is arising' or 'Self-critical thoughts are here' or 'My stomach is clenched and tense'.
2) Gathering
Gently bring your full attention to the breathing. Experience fully each in-breath and each out-breath as they follow one after the other. It may help to note at the back of your mind 'breathing in.........breathing out', or to count the breaths. Let the breath function as an anchor to bring you into the present and to help you tune into a state of awareness and stillness.
3) Expanding
Expand your awareness around the breathing to the whole body, and the space it takes up, as if your whole body is breathing. Especially take the breath to any discomfort, tension or resistance you experience, 'breathing in' to the sensations. While breathing out, allow a sense of softening, opening, letting go. You can also say to yourself 'It's ok to feel whatever I'm feeling'. Include a sense of the space around you too. Hold everything in awareness. As best you can, bring this expanded awareness into the next moments of your day.
In conjunction with the above, another technique is to try and disconnect from and separate ourselves and look dispassionately at our worrisome thoughts. (This firstly gives us a demonstration of how thoughts are not 'part' of us, and we can detach from them). Allow yourself 10/15 minutes for this practice:
Close your eyes, and imagine your thoughts as clouds passing overhead in the sky - just watch them go by, let them drift past, and if they appear again, just let them go. If you experience any emotions or physical sensations, acknowledge them and let them be, and bring your attention back to those clouds/thoughts passing through your mind.
And if you must worry,
HAVE SOME 'WORRY' TIME
This is where you dedicate a particular period of the day to worrying - your 'Worry Time' - and worry for that set period, but then for the rest of the day you don't allow yourself to worry. You could allow yourself a couple of slots a day, for 20 minutes/half an hour, but don't make one close to bed-time.
(NB Please note that if worrying is starting to affect your health, its recommended that you get in touch with your GP/a medical professional).
For some further tips and techniques, take a look at our 'Top Ten Tips' for promoting wellbeing and resilience here.
