Every child has one; some are older than others, some are battered and tattered at the edges. Some are almost brand new - only a few hours or days old. Some are so full that they hardly close anymore, while others still close just fine. Some get opened frequently and are always kept close, and some are only somewhere near by and get opened only on certain occasions.
Nobody can change the contents, except the owner.
What's in this suitcase?
Your child's view of the world.
Every caregiver your child has had - whether loving and nurturing, or uncaring and cold - gave them a piece of their world. Every interaction tells your child that either the world is a safe place or that it's a scary place. They learn to trust or not to trust. And every interaction goes into their Attachment Suitcase.
This suitcase holds your child's accumulated collection of experiences with caregivers and have become their defense-pattern perception of attachment to their parents. If it has been filled with negative interactions, they will push away love. If it has been filled with loving interactions, they will know that it's safe to love and be loved.
Children compare their new caregiver to those from the past: is it safe to love this Mom? Can I bond with her, or will I get hurt again? Will she tell me she loves me and then send me away?
When a new child comes into your home, their suitcase comes along. Some children will hold onto it tightly, expecting you to be like their other caregivers, and use it as a shield. Some, who have a small collection of loving interactions, will be able to let it go and begin to form new attachments and learn how to love.
You can't take your child's suitcase away at the front door; you can't leave it at the Children's Aid department or at the ophanage. You need to accept your child's suitcase as it comes.
Accept whatever is in it, knowing that it has shaped your child into who they are: the child that you love.
