News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™ Joy, Love, and Peace as we conclude 2017 
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Happy Holidays December 2017
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Here is an email appreciation I just received from a client who has been a self-described stoic since childhood. It warmed my heart.
"I experienced one of the things we talked about after my session with you where I cried so much. I woke up Saturday morning with a much-reduced headache. I was soo happy!!!
I have been crying ever since. That's one of the reasons that I went to see "Wonder"! It's fabulous. Thank you also for being such a support for so many years. Thanks for listening and listening."
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Attitude Reconstruction
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"These are for Santa, and these are for the Amazon drone."
"They are especially bold this time of year."
"Is this one of the emotions people talk about?"
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Greetings dear ones,
I'm sorry that the Peanuts cartoon is a big ragged. I found it years ago and this seems to be the perfect opportunity to share it with you. Good ole Charles Schulz nailed it.
As I put the finishing touches on this newsletter, I have my ears and eyes glued to the media to see if I have to evacuate my house. I'm mostly all packed up and am hoping for the best. The winds, heat, and lack of rain have made California a tinderbox. However, life goes on.
Transitions are a part of life. Whether it's getting married, leaving for college, being diagnosed with a serious illness, or losing a loved one, significant events can't help but evoke the full range of emotions, from sadness, fear and anger to joy, love, or peace. Especially sadness, because sadness is the natural reaction to hurts and losses. Transitions are definitely losses of what went before and what will never be again.
But first...
A Couple of Articles of Interest
Here are pictures that will make you want to say
Dale Carnegie's name is somewhat a throw-away. But the dude really nailed it in "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Here is a pithy summary of his simple yet profound conclusions.
A lot of Videos Guaranteed to Bring a Smile!
I recently viewed a Carol Burnett special and really laughed out loud when I saw this skit featuring Tim Conway, called the
I think I already posted a video showing how recycling works but it's worth a second take. It is brought to you by
NowThisNews, a website worthy of exploration. The graphics are terrific, but I must confess, I'm not sure how to get to the videos directly. Maybe thru their Facebook page.
Here's Ellen's clips showing you the hilarious things that
result of when things don't go according to plans.
Jimmy Fallon often engages in
lip synching songs with some of his guests. Here he does battle with Melissa McCarthy.
All cartoons "borrowed" from the Cartoonbank.
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A Story
At last, after a hectic week, Cathy found herself alone. Her husband had gone out with friends, and her son was away for the weekend. She cherished her private time and had three hours of a distraction-free household. Cathy was aware of a number of upsetting incidents that she had shrugged off but that still lingered. Before diving into a pile of chores that she had postponed, she sat down with a cup of tea and flipped through the TV channels.
She found herself getting pulled into a story about a woman who had just reunited with the daughter she had given up for adoption. For twenty-five years, the mother had thought she would never see her daughter again.
Cathy hadn't planned on getting sucked into television that night, but there she was, glued to the set, tears streaming down her face. She settled into the show, pulled out her hanky, and wept. She'd known for days that she needed to cry and hadn't made the time. "I'm just so sad," she said as she sobbed. "I just need to cry."
Cathy understood that crying hard was a kind of inner cleansing, a beauty treatment that would renew her from the inside out. She knew she wasn't just crying about what was on television. She was crying out the tears that had been accumulating in her over the last few weeks. The exact causes weren't really important.
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How to Express Your Sadness Constructively
When not expressed constructively, by crying wet tears, sadness silently eats at your heart until joy has to pack its bags and move out. I was pleased to come across this article by Dr. Oz and Dr. Roizen, entitled "
Sometimes Crying is Healthy." Just maybe, crying is slowing becoming acceptable.
If you only "cry on the inside" your mind turns against itself. So if you're constantly beating yourself up, not speaking up, or feeling hopeless, chances are you have a bucket of unexpressed tears. How can you turn the tide and feel your inborn joy?
"Clean" crying -- that is, crying without criticizing yourself -- is the most efficient way to release sadness. When your eyes start to well up and you sense a heavy constriction in your throat, try something different. Regardless of why you feel so sad, just allow yourself to cry -- the harder, the better. Say yes to the runny nose and red eyes. Don't apologize or be ashamed. Simply return to how you expressed yourself as a child before you succumbed to the pressures of family and culture.
Jump back into that little kid mentality and feel the loss, the sorrow, or the rejection. Whatever it is, let the healing tears flow. You'll feel the benefits. Other people really won't mind as much as you think. If they do, that's their problem, not yours.
No matter why you're feeling sadness, you just need to cry. Since self-criticism only increases your sadness and reinforces bad feelings about yourself, it's crucial to refrain from thinking or saying anything negative about yourself as you cry. Interrupt any thoughts about how inadequate, unlovable, or pathetic you are. You need to intensely express your sadness, so turn it up a notch. Wail! Get into it. This is your time to unplug the dam! If you do use words, stick to naming the emotion, stating how you feel right now, or recounting the facts of the event that triggered your sadness. Say things like:
* I feel sad.
* I just need to cry.
* I feel so hurt.
* My sadness will pass.
* My mom died last month. I really miss her.
* My husband just told me he wants a divorce.
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How to Prime the Pump
If you haven't cried in years, it's never too late to start. If you feel sad, set aside some time, ignore all the excuses you've made up to avoid tears, and let yourself cry. Find a safe place -- maybe a darkened movie theatre. Or wait for nighttime, when you can curl up and be alone. Turn off the phone, think about the sadness you have been carrying inside yourself, and turn on the spigot. Light a candle if you're so inclined.
One tear falling down your cheek during a sentimental song is a fabulous start, but crying means really letting the tears flow. If you want to siphon off your accumulated sadness, you'll have to give yourself permission to bawl for a few minutes when you experience that weighted-down sensation.
Set aside some time, and with a box of tissues, do one or more of the following:
* Watch a movie that touches you.
* Listen to a song that stirs your heart, over and over.
* Look at photographs of loved ones, pets, or places you've been.
* Lovingly say good-bye, over and over, to acknowledge the many losses in your life.
* Hug a pillow, pet, or teddy bear.
* Press your chest, curl up, and rock back and forth.
* Make sounds or say and think, "It's okay. I feel sad. I just need to cry."
* Confide in a friend about your troubles.
Whether you decide to go it alone or cry with a supportive friend, let go of the critical voice and remind yourself it's okay to let the tears roll. If you're trying but nothing is happening, shift to shiver or pound -- the other two emotional expressions. Pretty soon, the true emotion begging to be expressed will rise to the surface, making itself known.
As unpleasant or weird as it might sound at first, crying is rejuvenating. It restores openness, clarity, and personal connection while washing your every cell clean. A feeling of lightness will wash over you when you're finished: this is a divine shift. So when you next experience a life-altering transition, remember to have a good cry or two to acknowledge the loss so you can bounce back to more joy.
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A
n Important Point about Crying
Because emotions and thoughts are so inextricably linked, I want to make an important point. In addition to simply stating what you are feeling, or describing your hurt or loss while crying, you can also repeat a phrase that contradicts your well-worn commentary about your own failings, such as
I am whole and complete.
I am a good person.
What I'm seeking is within me.
I'm perfect just the way I am.
It's important to get this part. Sometimes you'll be surprised at how repeating 'a truth' helps kick-in the emotional release. Your crying may intensify, which is a good thing allowing you to finally let go of what you've stored inside, often for years.
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Hey Jude!
I cry often, usually when I feel sad or watch a romantic movie. But I also cry when I'm really angry or even really happy.
Crying is actually a physical expression of every emotion except, perhaps, peace. If you already cry often -- lucky you! You have given yourself permission to cry when you feel touched. Tears keep your heart open, provided that you think constructive thoughts when you cry. Be aware, however, that you may have anger or fear waiting to be acknowledged and expressed.
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I'm sending you best wishes for a happy holiday season.
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so feel free to write me at:
jude@AttitudeReconstruction.com
With love,
Jude
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