There are pivotal moments in each of our lives where the light bulb suddenly flips on over our head and we see the world in a completely new light. And once you see, you can never un-see.

Cat Oaks joined The Shift in our first month of business, practicing massage therapy, but really a spiritual teacher in disguise. One particular day a year and a half ago, I was going through a very (VERY) rough spot with Sam's dad. The court was involved and nasty words were being spewed in each direction. It was awful. I sat down in the lobby of the studio and cried. "He is just so angry!", I spewed. "He is angry and full of fear, and judges me for everything I do!"

Cat was sitting there listening to me, and while I was looking for a little sympathy as I bathed myself in victim-hood, she said without a drop of softness AT ALL, "Could it be that YOU are the one who is fearful and judgmental?"

Oh, I was seething with this response. How could she turn this back on ME?! Clearly it was HIS dysfunction that got us into this mess and I was the sane, nice and normally patient one.

"Well, we are just reflections of each other. Clearly he is showing you a part of yourself you haven't wanted to see."

I think I mumbled a "whatever", and left for the day.

But Cat's frankness followed me home. And that evening I sat down with a piece of paper and wrote out all the nasty things I saw in Andrew, and then in a column to the right of each descriptor word, I asked myself if I was ever that thing. It didn't take me long to see that I displayed fear when I was over-controlling, and I judged myself and others quickly, and yes, I even had anger. In that moment, it finally made sense. Andrew was just the abandoned and less-favorable parts of myself drawn up around another person and quite literally yelling at me to accept them.

Without any instruction, I found  myself doing something very strange, and quite comforting at the same time. I started talking to Andrew...or at least the parts of him I detested:  "I see now that you are the part of me that I have pushed away."

(pause)

Then the tears started rolling.

I suddenly felt this call toward home. My spirit aching to feel complete.

"I am so sorry. I am so sorry for pushing you away. I NEED you. I need you to be whole. I am so sorry. I need you at the table here with me. I need you to be whole ... I love you."  

And in that moment my heart became so full...and so much more...at ease. I saw Andrew now as not the enemy, but as part of ME! Like an arm or leg that had fallen off and was left in a box in the attic, yet haunted me every day. I had found and had re-united with part of myself, and it felt amazing!

Andrew and I had a court date the next day, and I almost reached out and hugged him when we met! I felt no animosity, only love. Unconditional love.

The light bulb had been flipped on. I now understood both the theory of projection, and our divine need to understand love as tool for bringing all things closer IN to our hearts, not farther away. (I have subsequently used this understanding and technique on several other key attributes that I needed to learn to love. Each time it amazes me that it is ME waiting to be found, not someone else's issue.)

All these people showing up in your life that drive you batty (even a little bit) are like body parts tossed in the attic waiting to be claimed as yours. Our first response is to deny and deflect, out of fear. Truth is, we fear not the loving acceptance of these elements, but the higher level of accountability that comes when living closer to your whole Self. 

But that is the great journey, and worth the work.

Cat Oaks returns now to help me run The Shift. Her expertise in business and my passion for teaching are going to create a great wind in this community and beyond. We are so glad YOU are part of the journey! Please take the time to introduce yourself to Cat, and let her know your story. Warning though, she may just change your life.