What do you stand for? Do you know who you are?
If our ancestor Jacob had been in therapy as an adult, these are questions he'd likely be asked. Especially if his therapist was Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sachs.
Why? "Because" as Rabbi Sachs writes and which is familiar to many, "Esau was the elder. Because Esau was strong, physically mature, a hunter. Above all because Esau was his father's favorite: 'Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebecca loved Jacob" (Gen. 25: 28)"
Jacob spent the early part of his life trying to become Esau. He tricked Esau for his birthright, and he tricked their father Isaac for Esau's blessing of the first born by wearing hairy garments meant to evoke the hairiness of Esau.
It wasn't until later in life during a transformative episode at the river's edge, the night before Jacob was about to encounter his brother Esau after a twenty year estrangement, that Jacob truly became himself and knew himself.
Jacob was all alone; a mysterious man (or maybe it was an angel) wrestled with him. All night. They grappled until the break of dawn. Before Jacob would release the angel from his grasp, Jacob demanded a blessing from the angel. The angel changed his name from Jacob to Israel-one who struggled with God and prevailed. In that long, drawn out night, Jacob showed toughness, strength, and tenacity in his own right. He didn't need to become Esau. He needed to become himself, and become a new self-Israel.
That night, Jacob/Israel was transformed spiritually and physically-the angel wrenched his hip socket leaving him with a permanent limp. But in the morning, he knew who he was, he better understood his role in the world as the progenitor of a nation, and he was finally comfortable in his own skin.
Rabbi Sachs teaches that "Jacob wrestles with himself and finally throws off the image of Esau that he has carried with him all these years as the person he wants to be. This is the critical moment in Jacob's life. From now on he is content to be himself. And it is only when we stop wanting to be someone else that we can be at peace with ourselves and with the world."
Do you know who you are? Can you accept who you are and stop trying to be someone you are not? It takes strength and maturity to get to this point in our lives. This isn't a trait we'd expect from a teenager or a young adult. Hopefully as we age and mature, we can appreciate the persistence and fortitude it requires to be strong in convictions, true to yourself, and committed to your values. It took time for Jacob to learn this and to become comfortable with the person he is becoming. May we continue to learn this lesson from the example of Jacob as well and find the true and open hearted self-acceptance that we need in order to be our best selves.
Shabbat Shalom,
