In these six years, I have been blessed to be a part of a wonderful community, organization, and staff, and truly know that “I make a difference.”  When preparing for speaking engagements this is one of the thoughts that I reflect on.  “How do I know that I/we make a difference?”  Often, we never know this until years later.  Just this month I had two parents stop me in different places in the community and tell me, “You made an impression on my daughter when you were principal at Crescent.”  I also had the privilege of speaking to all the eighth graders at James Williams Middle School and had one of them tell me, “You were my favorite principal.”  No better compliment can be given than to have someone affirm to you that you have made a difference.

As the Executive Director I have been able to see the difference that has been made much quicker.  Two ways that I share that I know that NATH-Frederick Place has made a difference is:

1. When other groups/businesses/organizations do fundraising on our behalf.  It is one thing to ask someone to be a part of a fundraiser and another for them to do one on their own.  At least a dozen times a year the doorbell at Frederick Place rings and someone is dropping off items they collected on our behalf, money they raised from a luncheon they had, or gifts they decided to purchase for us instead of family and friends.  Whether it was the first time it happened or the 100th time it happened, it still warms my heart to know that the communities we serve still feel as passionate about partnering with NATH-Frederick Place as they did six years ago when the doors of Frederick Place opened.  

2. When a former resident “gives back.”  This has happened on numerous occasions that I know of, and I believe it happens even more often than I know.  I witnessed this again this month when a former resident met me at the door and proudly let me know it had been a year since she called Frederick Place home.  She then showed me she had a volunteer packet to complete so that she could “give back.”   She will not be the first former resident to volunteer in the house, and I hope she will not be the last.  Other ways former residents have shown me we touched their lives have been when they drop off food for the house, purchase a raffle ticket, attend a fundraising event, or make some other type of donation.  Earlier this year our very first resident called us up and donated a couch that she no longer needed for another person to use.  

These are only a few of the ways I know “I have made a difference” by being a member of a great team.  

Although the journey over the past six years has been very eventful, it has also brought people into my life whom I would never have crossed paths with if not for NATH-Frederick Place.  I am blessed to be one of the original “Three Musketeers” staff members.  Susan and Becca have been a part of my team since before the doors opened and continue to amaze me with their dedication and perseverance.  Together with the rest of the staff they continue to bring Frederick Place to life, and it sure does have a life of its own.  No two residents are the same, nor are two of their stories of how they came to call Frederick Place home the same.  So, the way we “make a difference” to them is as different as the way they show us “we made a difference”

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lenny Bruce, is credited with saying, “There is no ‘what should be’ there is only ‘what is’.”  My Bruce wrote this lyric, “Every fool’s got a reason for feelin’ sorry for himself.” There is a vast expanse between the Bruces’ words. One tells me to be grateful for what I have and not fall victim to the “shoulda, coulda and woulda game” we have all played at one point in our lives. The other conjures an image of being permanently stuck on the “pity pot” with no plunger in sight.  As Christmas draws near, some of our residents become prey for the pity pot and it seems like plungers are on backorder.  They are in a shelter which in itself is enough of a reason to feel down and blame themselves for their circumstances.  Add being away from loved ones and being broke and unable to purchase gifts, and one can understand why some residents struggle to feel grateful with so many negatives swirling around in their head.

For the most part, I gave up the perpetual plunger quest 10+ years ago when I became a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I do not lament the fact that I am an alcoholic.  I feel lucky to be afflicted, because AA has changed how I look at life, as well has how I react to what goes on around me. I know I cannot stay sober on my own, and I must rely on a higher power and follow the steps. A large part of my program is accepting what is and not what should be.  Below is an excerpt from the Big Book of AA about acceptance. These powerful words creep into my thoughts, and I strive to put these words into action on a daily basis.

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I can accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.   

So, how does my AA program apply to what I do at Frederick Place? I let what I have learned guide me, and I become somewhat of a human plunger. For every negative, I throw a “yeah but” at them. If a resident complains about being in a homeless shelter, I counter that with the fact that they have food, warmth, and a group of amazing matriarchs. If a newly sober resident is upset because they are not with their kids, I tell them they should be proud of themselves for taking action to become a better parent. If I hear grumbling about being unemployed, I may become little Susie Sunshine and tell them that the right job just hasn’t come along yet. If they complain about spaghetti three nights in a row, I tell them to suck it up, this could have been seventh night.  My method to promote gratitude has been met with a look that says “whatever.” More often than not I get a smile that wasn’t present just moments before. If my words help just one person feel a little better it is worth the eye rolls I’ve gotten from others.