A Little Bird:  Francesca's  Memory

     Back in 1988, I was first introduced to psychodrama by Zerka at Omega Institute, so I knew her for many years, just as many know Zerka -- a woman who embodies a mission; a most beautiful and powerful psychodramatist, who can distill simplicity and truth from any presenting problem.  But in the last couple of years of her living in Charlottesville, I got to know her in a completely different situation and on a completely different level -- shared lunches. 

     Upon arrival at Zerka's cottage, I'd bring our food into the kitchen and with Dale, Zerka's caretaker, we'd fix our luncheon trays.  Before eating, I'd check on what was happening with the birds that gathered in different garden spots, so I could report their goings-on.  It was such a lovely setting but, unfortunately, from the bed where she now resided, Zerka couldn't see the gardens.  She did, however, have large windows in her bedroom that looked out to the front of the home.  The sun would shine through in the late afternoon, so Zerka asked me to hang an exquisite sun-catcher she had received as a gift.  When the sun would heat it up, it would turn, casting prisms on the walls and furniture.  We loved that sun-catcher, both of us alleging how it made us feel about 7 years old. 

     While having our lunch we'd talk about many things that were current in the world, and also about our lives from childhood on.  We rarely, if ever, talked about psychodrama.  Zerka has told many of her stories in her writings, but, as is her wont, she told me some that made me feel as if she were sharing on a very personal level.  Especially with stories of her parents, her extended family, living in Amsterdam, and then moving to England, and what it was like to be a teenager then.  Many times we spoke of her mother, and all that she was now discovering as she translated her mother's notes and memories.  She also was interested to know about my childhood and about my parents, who were the same age as she. 

     But most of what I treasure about the time spent with Zerka is the breadth of our interests and conversations.  Yes, today's current events, but how they relate to the past, the historical continuity and discontinuity.  We discussed religion, art, music, and film.  After each lunch, we would watch a movie or old TV series.  She had a documentary series on the Civilization of the Jewish People hosted by Abba Eban; it was comprehensive and sensitive.  I was particularly interested in the historical Jewish view of Jesus -- a real eye-opener.  She loved the first Forsythe Saga from the 60s, and watching that led us, almost seamlessly, to the first 3 seasons of Downton Abbey, which her daughter-in-law kindly bought her.  Zerka was so alive, so aware, and open-minded that I completely forgot her age -- she was much younger than I.  Just being who she was, she presented a challenge and role-model.  These weekly 3-hour visits fed me much more than they fed Zerka, I'm sure.

      When she left her beautiful cottage to move to Maryland, it was a very sad time.  I really felt as if a close friend or a big sister were leaving.  Being the oldest of 6, I never had a big sister and I believe Zerka filled a bit of that role -- not exactly a mother.  She was someone I could watch navigate life's seasons and try to emulate.  On a 'girl' note, Zerka was so naturally beautiful, yet she never, ever let herself be seen without 'fixing herself up.'  Her hair always done, a little makeup, a touch of lipstick.  So admirable -- a beautiful heart, mind, and a beautiful woman. 

     Along with my treasured memories, there are boxes she gave me of art books collected from 2 continents over many years and from many exhibits.  But most of all, I cherish the birdbath Zerka gave me in remembrance of the weekly bird report.  It now sits outside my dining room and when the cardinals come, I know Zerka is there too.  

     Zerka is alive and vibrant here and in my memory, in all our memories, I'm sure.  And I believe it's exactly as she would have it.

       Zerka's birdbath in my garden, covered with snow and cardinals nearby --->