Four years ago, I was counting down the weeks to my four month sabbatical leave. At the time, I reflected on how I often felt restless. Some of my restlessness was born of anxiety about the unknown as I wondered about the changes that lay ahead for me while I was away from ministry with EMUC and my responsibilities with Halton Presbytery. I also felt a restlessness to born of an eagerness to get the sabbatical started. The in between time of wrapping up loose ends at the church and planning ahead for my time away pulled me in two directions and made me feel somewhat unsettled. I just wanted to get on with the sabbatical!
And now four years later, instead of counting down the weeks to a sabbatical leave, I'm counting down the months until my retirement. Give or take a few days, I have four and a half months until I retire. And once again, there are moments and days when I have that familiar restless feeling - sometimes born of anxiety about the unknown future that lies ahead. On May 28th, I will celebrate my 38th anniversary of being commissioned as a diaconal minister in the United Church of Canada. I've literally spent most of my adult life as a congregational minister in the UCC. What on earth will my life be like without that vocational commitment? Other times my restlessness is rooted again in that unsettled feeling that comes as you simultaneously mark certain endings and wait for new beginnings. Where should I focus my attention in the here and now? Where is the Spirit's presence in all of this? Here's what I wrote in response four years ago. It resonates again with me today as I hope it does with you.
Generally, being restless isn't viewed as a positive quality in our society, and yet on this Pentecost Sunday, during worship at Erin Mills United, we'll sing, 'Spirit, Spirit of restlessness, stir me from placidness, Wind, Wind on the sea.' (Voices United 375). The question is: Do we really want to invite a 'restless' Spirit into our lives? Do we really want to be stirred from placidness? After all, isn't peace and contentment a positive goal to have in life? Don't we want to get to that space and place where we no longer feel blown and buffeted about?
If you read your Bible, you'll find that the Spirit of God rarely sits still - the Spirit moves, the Spirit drives, the Spirit stirs, the Spirit rises, the Spirit leads, the Spirit is poured out, the Spirit blows, the Spirit breathes, the Spirit lifts, the Spirit descends, the Spirit gives life, the Spirit snatches, the Spirit searches. Time and time again, in the biblical narrative, the Spirit leads people off into unknown territories or dramatically changes the course of their lives. Just think of Abraham and Sarah, Moses, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ruth, Mary, Jesus, and all those early Christians. When the Spirit swept into their lives, nothing was ever the same again!
Maybe it's ok to be restless every now and then. Perhaps we need to be stirred up and moved around by the Spirit to experience life in a different context and to see from another's perspective. How else can we expand our vision of life in God's world; how else can become more attuned to the joys and sorrows, gifts and needs of our neighbours? How else can we discover strengths and gifts in ourselves that may have been hidden or dormant for years?
We can't plan for everything. To trust in the Spirit means to know that we can't and don't control it all. To trust in the Spirit means to pack lightly enough so that we can be 'airborne' - so that the Spirit can blow us into unforeseen blessings and into unknown territories where we will find life anew. So, let's embrace the freedom the Spirit offers; let's move easily with the Spirit as she sweeps us up into all that life can be and blows us wherever we are called to be.
"Jesus said, 'The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.'" (John 3:8)
O God, release in me the power of your Spirit
that my soul may be free and my spirit strong.
Release in me the freedom of your Spirit
that I may be bridled by nothing but love. Amen
(excerpt from Celtic Benediction by J. Philip Newell)
Peace, Kathy Toivanen
