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by Donna Shea
8/15/2016

I've just finished up facilitating six weeks of a full day summer program that includes all of the cool stuff that our kids like to do. We play Nerf, build Lego creations, practice recess games such as Four Square, build forts and marble rallies and more. By far, the most favorite activity of the kids is "tech time" and all of the kids count the minutes until we reach our blocks of gaming time.

As you might imagine, one of the predominant games the kids want to play is Minecraft. Playing multi-player Minecraft can be fraught with conflict and problems, as players can take things that belong to someone else, destroy another person's creation or character and many other things that my non-Minecraft brain doesn't understand.

It just takes one or two kids who are proficient at griefing (the Minecraft term for being rotten to each other in the game) to wreck the fun. I have to say I figuratively stood on my head trying to problem solve multi-player Minecraft. We tried meetings about rules. I tried telling the kids what the rules would be. We attempted to pause and problem solve. We had kids take breaks. We tried having only a two-player-in-a-world system. I found myself mired in Minecraft, getting to the point where I really just wanted to not allow the kids to play because the problems seemed unsolvable.

And then that's what I did. I announced to the kids that I was no longer going to help problem-solve Minecraft. If they decided to play Minecraft together, it was at their own risk, so I no longer wanted anyone to report to me about anything Minecraft. They were on their own. The conflicts still happened, but the kids playing took it upon themselves to either solve it or provide the natural consequence of "you can't play with us if you are going to do that."   Having a couple of natural social role models in the mix helped a great deal and from then on, the kids who were disrupting the game towed the line pretty quickly.

As a social coach, sometimes I am so into helping and problem-solving, that I forget to experiment with what happens when you let kids make a go of it without adult intervention. Many times, giving up is the path to growth.

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Donna Shea and Nadine Briggs are both accomplished social-emotional education specialists.  They each facilitate friendship groups at their respective centers in Massachusetts.  Both Donna and Nadine are parents of children with special needs.

Donna and Nadine offer consultation services for schools, parent groups, and human service agencies.  They are seasoned public speakers who travel across the country to bring workshops and seminars to schools, conferences and other venues. 

Donna and Nadine are certified in bullying prevention through the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center and are creators of the How to Make & Keep Friends Social Success in School Bullying Prevention Initiative that is used to provide classroom training and team-building activities at many schools.

Donna and Nadine would love to hear from you or your child if you have feedback about our books. They are also happy to speak with you about providing programming for children in your local area or just to keep in touch with you about new books and materials.
 


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