Sanctuary for the Soul
A conversation between Sue Nadel and Jonathan Yenkin
Last year, Beth Emet began a pilot group to study and practice
middot
, or “soul traits.” These are traits such as
anavah
(humility),
savlanut
(patience), and
shmirat ha’lashon
(mindful speech). The pilot participants have met regularly as a group and also paired off as
chevruta
partners to discuss their reflections on the middot.
One set of chevruta partners, Sue Nadel and Jonathan Yenkin, share their thoughts on the connection between middot and the theme of sanctuary. Below is an edited version of their conversation.
Sue
: How does the practice of middot tie to your feelings about sanctuary?
Jonathan
: For me, it relates to sanctuary on a couple of different levels. The themes we talk about in middot and the practice of mindfulness create a feeling of safety in my mind, a place of sanctuary from daily stress. The other level is the feeling I get being together in the group, where this is a safe place for us to talk about our interpretations of the middot, how they relate to our lives and different struggles that we may be going through. It’s a very free and open place for us to talk about our thoughts and emotions.
Sue, you’ve talked about the place where we meet. How does that help?
Sue:
We meet at Barbara (Stock)’s house, in a very comfortable room, and we’re always greeted with hugs and hot drinks. It is a relaxed and very calm setting and I feel a sense of sanctuary when I walk in the door. Our circle is a place to learn, meditate and discuss the middot we have been practicing, and begin to understand our new middah for the next month. We always end our time together with Havdalah which allows me to end the Shabbat and a way to close our time together.
Jonathan
: Which of the middot has resonated with you?
Sue
: For me,
chesed
, which can be translated as loving kindness, has made a very real difference in my life. Not only chesed for others but also for me. Last summer I was in a different kind of sanctuary. I was at a Talmud camp in Wisconsin, and we worked in our chevruta, in pairs. The person who was my chevruta had some issues with hearing, and seeing the small text, and would also come late to our time together. I thought about the middah of Chesed and I continued to try and work with her, but her absences were negatively impacting my ability to learn the discuss the material. After three days of camp, I went to one of the rabbis said, “I’m sorry, but I need to change my chevruta partner.” I explained the problems, and he looked at me and asked “Why did you wait so long to come and talk to me about this?” And I said, “I was practicing chesed.” His response was, “Yes, Sue, and the middah of chesed also must be applied to you.”
Jonathan
: So you also had to turn it inward.
Sue
: Yes, that was an unbelievable lesson for me that I’ve carried in my mind and my heart since I came back from camp.
Jonathan
: Well that’s interesting because I have a similar reaction thinking about the middah that resonates with me, which is
savlanut
, which means patience or forbearance. You can look at it one way, which is patience with others. At the same time, tying back to what you were saying, for me it resonated more in thinking about patience with myself. I beat myself up sometimes. Or I put too much pressure on myself, and I think that has caused personal stress for me. These things tend to overlap – there was the other middah you mentioned – loving kindness. I think those two go a little bit hand in hand – being patient with myself and showing myself more loving kindness – creates better feelings about myself.
Sue
: I now try to practice the middot as a part of my daily life. My actions and my words impact both my internal world and the people with whom I interact. I believe that studying and practicing the middot impacts many areas of my life. I think the key here is “practicing.” Some days I do a better job than others, but I know that with each of my conversations, I have the opportunity to be more patient and thoughtful with others and with myself. Now there are more times when I start to do or say something when I stop, and consider a middah I learned, and, ask myself if I am putting into practice what I have learned.
Jonathan
: When we were talking about
lashon ha’rah
(derogatory speech), there was an aspect that surprised me. We don’t really think about how it affects the listener, just someone who is passively listening to all of this. When we were studying the middah, we talked about how the listener is now hearing something new about this person, and now they have to integrate that with their picture of that person. That’s going to stick with them. They have this piece of information that is harming the way they think about somebody else. That was a new angle I hadn’t thought about before.
How do you envision the practice of middot being part of the greater congregation?
Sue
: I chose becoming a member of Beth Emet because of our clergy, educators, opportunity for prayer and the values that we embody. We are working to make Beth Emet a sanctuary on a variety of levels. I think that helping our congregation learn about and practice the middot will only add another dimension to that goal.
If you’d like to share your thoughts with the congregation on what sanctuary means to you - a time in which you felt like a sanctuary dwelled within you, or how we can extend sanctuary to those who need it, feel free to reach out to
Ellen Blum Barish
and
David Barish
.
