Repeating the Trauma:  Unconscious Factors that Determine Contemporary Life 

Our recent group meetings have focused on the strength of the narcissist-codependent relational bond and  the tendency of most relationships based on this structure to dissolve.  These discussions have centered on early developmental factors that pre-determine who we are romantically attracted to and with whom we ultimately choose to be. 

However, the narcissistic-codependent bond is only one example of a broader, and more insidious, concept: the human mind is programmed to seek out the "familiar," no matter how unhealthy, across the lifespan. This notion has been widely supported by theorists in evolutionary psychology and the social sciences, but is not often emphasized when considering the problems of contemporary life.  

In the next meetings of the Men's Group (10:45 AM to 12:00 PM noon) and the Dating and Relationship Group (12:00 to 1:15 PM) on Saturday, January 18, 2014, I will outline why and how we seek to repeat the fundamental circumstances of early life in relationships, friendships, workplace settings, in our finance status, and in how we see and treat ourselves.  While most of our early childhoods are relatively healthy, I will argue that a specific, fundamental trauma underlies each of our personalities and largely determines how our lives unfold.  I will also share my ideas regarding how liberation from this pattern may occur.