My perspective on interpersonal transformation involves the capacity to recognize how we are coercing our romantic partner, or being coerced by our partner, to perpetuate an unresolved early developmental trauma in our adult life.  It is not uncommon for these coercive patterns to play out not only in our romantic relationships, but also in our work lives, family lives, even with friends.  

The main idea I have been discussing in recent group sessions is our need to quickly recognize when we are being drawn into these insidious psychological and emotional provocations so that we can avoid them or act to change them.  However, a major concept I have not yet described is the utility of identifying and understanding how our own unique attachment patterns increase our tendency to get drawn into negative relationship dynamics.  By the term "attachment" I am referring to innate, unconscious, and highly rigid feelings, emotions, and assumptions about bonding with another that we inherited from childhood.  

What is problematic is that many people never make a highly significant psychological transition in their adult lives: abandoning these old attachment tendencies for a more mature, healthy, and well-boundaried style of adult relatedness.  In our next group session on Saturday, February 15, 2014, I will describe how relatedness is achieved, what it consists of, and how it can prompt and maintain successful romantic relationships as well as a deeply sensual and erotic connection with our partner.