Letting go of who you're expected to be
Have you ever compared your life to someone else's and felt bad about your life? Have you looked at someone else's life and felt like you should change directions? Have you ever changed your mind because someone told you that it was "better" to take another approach? Have you adjusted your actions based upon what you thought someone else might think of you? All of these are common behaviors, as our society consistently attempts to define what we should want. They plant seeds of desire around the life we should have.
When I was young, I was given very clear rules around what was right or wrong, good or bad, better or worse. At every turn, I was expected to choose the right/good/better path and I usually fell in line.
As I grew older, I found that different people had different ideas around what was right or wrong, good or bad, better or worse. It was no longer confined to the adults in my sphere, I was now being influenced by outside forces and media sources. What was right/good/better was no longer as clear. I'm not talking about things like stealing, hurting someone, lying, or the more obvious dos and don'ts. I'm talking about what was right, good and better about being a young lady, getting good grades in school, going to church, dressing the part, and making decisions to name a few.
I was the good girl. Mostly, I followed the rules of the right, good and better, whatever they were at the time. And when I would veer from that path, I was quickly guided back. Over time, I found myself trying to live up to the many expectations that were placed upon me by other people. I wanted to be right/good/better. What I now know is that I was trying to grow into who I was expected to be and not who I was supposed to be. That's a difficult distinction when who you are expected to be is still in line with society's "good" labels.
It wasn't until I was well into my thirties that I came to realize the power of my own voice, thoughts and choices. I questioned everything. I needed to get in touch with what I believed and why I believed it. I wanted to let go of label chasing choices and to live solely by my personal values. I abandoned the labels that trapped me into various behaviors and decisions. I decided that the journey was more important to me than the outcomes or the labels that I received. I stopped concerning myself with how people saw me and what they thought of me, my life and my choices. The focus was clear, identify my values and live by them. This was the way!
It took hours and hours of self reflection, envisioning how I wanted to experience the world and how I wanted the world to experience me. I dialed down the volume on some relationships, while others where dialed up. I let go of things that no longer served me and that were not aligned with my identified values. I was evolving and it was fantastic! It was not easy, but it was worth the effort.
Don't fall for the societal flow. Regret is not a great feeling. Find your authentic flow. Flow with the understanding that it
won't converge with everyone else's. Sometimes your flow will go against the flow of others. Other times you'll find that your flow doesn't go with the organizations with which you are associated. Sometimes your flow will be interrupted by those who have not found their own flow. Many times you will need to check-in to ensure that your flow has not become restricted.
The goal. . . find your flow and let go of who you were expected to be.
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