Sexual violence.
Notice how repulsed you were by those two words? Few phrases are uglier. The facts are even uglier. They hit us in the gut, not just because the crime is so vile, but because we know the pain of this trauma can last a lifetime. Sometimes, when the pain is too much, a lifetime is cut short.
Why mention it? Because with topics this terrible, our instinct is to block it out. Because April is both Sexual Assault Awareness Month and Child Abuse Prevention Month. And because FSM needs your help healing the wounds of both sexual assault and child abuse.
FSM is a 106-year-old nonprofit organization - not a government agency - that focuses on mental and behavioral health, with a special focus on anti-violence and family issues.
In Wisconsin alone, there are close to 5,000 sexual assaults reported every year. Sexual violence is the most under-reported crime in the world - only about 30% of sexual assault are reported to authorities -- so the trauma is far greater than the reported data suggest.
It gets worse.
Children are three times more likely to be victims of sexual assault. Kids younger than 16 account for two thirds of all victims. Forcible fondling was the most reported sexual assault, accounting for 43% of sexual assaults, followed by forcible rape (24%), statutory rape (18%), and forcible oral sex (11%). Two thirds of these assaults take place at home.
FSM is about building stronger families and safer homes. We need you to help us.
The effects of sexual abuse can be devastating, and they include:
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Prolonged feelings of anxiety, stress, or fear can be a sign of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
- Self-Harm: Some survivors of sexual assault may use self-harm to cope with difficult or painful feelings. Some commit suicide.
- Flashbacks: It's possible for memories of a past trauma to feel like they are taking place in the current moment.
- Depression: Feelings of sadness and unhappiness that have a negative impact on your life could be a sign of depression.
- Substance Use: There are a number of reasons that survivors report using substances like alcohol and drugs.
- Eating Disorders: Self starvation, binge eating, and a cycle of binge eating and purging of food.
Such crimes are not limited to home, of course, and every day girls and women are being groped, grabbed, slapped, tweaked, pinched, stroked and smacked in public. The area of focus is almost always the breasts, the bottom or the thighs -- sensitive, sexual, intimate regions of the body. Yet we are living in a society that not only downplays and accepts this crime, but deliberately normalizes it, telling women not to overreact, not to make a fuss, or even to be glad of the attention. "Boys will be boys," we say as we try to laugh it off.
The overwhelming message being sent is not only one of impunity for perpetrators, but that the victims of sexual assault are not permitted to react. Our culture still sends the message that the responsibility for both the crime and for avoiding it is somehow the victims'. And, of course, the more we normalize these forms of assault, the further down the priority ladder we knock outright rape. Rape is then taken less seriously. It's doubted, discussed and analyzed in the public arena as if it is a matter of opinion rather than a hideous crime.
And so we have an awareness month. Sexual assault and child abuse are real, are damaging, and are criminal. And they happen far too often.
You can help. Your donation to FSM helps us provide the therapy that leads to healing for victims of abuse and violence. Please, give today.
I know you care.
If someone you care about is sexually assaulted, you may feel angry, confused, and helpless. There are several things you can do to help in the healing process and provide the support your loved one needs.
- Believe them. Accept what you hear without judgment.
- Reinforce that it is not his or her fault. Don't ask "why" questions, such as "Why were you in that area at that time?" that suggest that he or she is to blame for the assault.
- Understand that you can't fix the problem. Everyone reacts differently to sexual assault and heals at his or her own pace. Don't assume you know how he or she is feeling, because almost any reaction is possible and normal.
- Listen and be patient. When and if they do want to talk about the assault, do not push for information. Let them tell you what they are comfortable sharing in their own time.
- During a sexual assault, power is taken away from them, so you must not tell them what to do. Instead, offer options and resources so they can make decisions that are right for them.
- Respect their need for privacy. If they need to be alone, respect that decision.
- Do not suggest that they "move on" with their life and forget about the crime. They need the opportunity to work through the trauma of the assault and begin the healing process.
- Respect their right to decide whether to report the assault to the police.
- Remember to take care of yourself. Seek support if you need it.
Please consider a sustaining gift to FSM, enabling us to continue doing our important work in reducing violence and healing families.
Your sustaining pledge of $10 or $20 a month will enable us to continue the critical work. Of course, we welcome one-time donations, too! You can also designate your donation to support the service of your choice.
Do you need help?
In an emergency, please dial 9-1-1 immediately.
- Try to get to a place where you feel safe.
- Reach out for support.
- Call someone you trust.
- Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at (800) 656-HOPE-your call is free and is anonymous and confidential.
- Seek medical attention as soon as possible. Medical care is important to address any injuries you may have and to protect against sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.
- Most important, know that the assault is not your fault.
You have a right to:
- Be treated with respect and dignity.
- Privacy. That means you can refuse to answer any questions about the sexual assault, your sexual orientation, your sexual history, your medical history (including HIV status), and your mental health history.
- Have your conversations with a sexual assault counselor/advocate remain confidential.
- Decide whether or not you want to report the assault to the police.
- Not be judged based on your race, age, class, gender, or sexual orientation.
- Have a sexual assault counselor/advocate accompany you to medical, law enforcement, and legal proceedings.
- Request that someone you are comfortable with stay with you in the examination room.
- Ask questions and get answers regarding any tests, exams, medications, treatments, or police reports.
- Be considered a victim/survivor of sexual assault, regardless of the offender's relationship to you.
More help:
- Child Help National Child Abuse Hotline
By phone: (800) 4-A-CHILD
- Darkness to Light
By phone: (866) 367-5444. Toll-free helpline for individuals living in the United States who need local information and resources about sexual abuse.
- National Center for Missing & Exploited Children
By phone: (800) 843-5678. Available 24 hours a day. This toll-free line is for reporting any information about missing or sexually exploited children to the police. This number is available throughout the United States, Mexico, and Canada. The TDD Hotline is
(800) 826-7653.
Online: http://www.missingkids.com/CybertipLine
- National Center for Victims of Crime
By phone: (800) 394-2255. Toll-free helpline offers supportive counseling, practical information about crime and victimization, and referrals to local community resources, as well as skilled advocacy in the criminal justice and social service systems.
- Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
By phone: (800) 656-4673. Toll-free National Sexual Assault Hotline.
Online: http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-online-hotline Instant-messaging format National Sexual Assault Hotline.
Both hotlines are free and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and offer secure, anonymous, confidential crisis support for victims of sexual assault and their friends and families.
Please give, today, to Family Service Madison. We are here to serve, to help, to heal.
