Lori     

10 Supportive Ways to Help a Grieving Loved One

Losing a loved one can be an extremely difficult time in a person's life. When I lost my mother to ovarian cancer, the support of my friends and family provided me with a solid foundation from which I could begin to create a "new normal" in my life.

Death is not a topic we like to talk about. The unfortunate truth is that at some point we will all be faced with the uncomfortable reality of losing a loved one. Our friends and family can play a big part in how we navigate the grieving process after a devastating loss. I have compiled a list of several compassionate ways my friends and family have supported me through the many losses in my life. Here are ten supportive acts of kindness to get you started:

1. BE A GOOD LISTENER
   Listen, Listen, Listen. One of the most important things you can do is to make yourself available and truly listen.
   
   
2. SEND A HEARTFELT NOTE
   Send a card or letter letting the person know you care. Be sure to write a note in the card. Just signing a sympathy card can be perceived as being impersonal. Your note can be as simple as letting your loved one know that you are thinking about them and you will be there for them through this journey. If you are having difficulty finding the words, visit the Inspirationsection of our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com/inspiration.html for suggestions.
   
   
3. REACHOUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE
   Make a phone call or stop by to see how your loved one is doing. Be sure to give them an opportunity to talk about their feelings and to tell their story.
   
   
4. HELP TAKE CARE OF EVERYDAY TASKS
   Take out their trash, wash their dishes, clean their house, go grocery shopping, take their dog for a walk, wash their car, mow their lawn, take the kids to school, wash their clothes, etc.   Taking care of everyday tasks can allow the family time to grieve and handle the many responsibilities of planning a funeral and readjusting their lives.
   
   
5. ALLOW THE PERSON THE OPPORTUNITY TO GRIEVE
   The grieving process does not end right after the funeral.   Grief takes time and allowing your friend the space to go through the normal stages of grief can help with their overall recovery.
   
   
6. GET THEM MOVING
   Exercise can be a great energy booster. Walking, bike riding, yoga, golf, running, swimming, playing tennis, or whatever brings them joy. Make a regular date with them to get a little exercise; this will help them get the endorphins going as well as encourage them to get out of the house.
   
   
7. REMEMBER THE FIRST YEAR CAN BE DIFFICULT
   Remember that holidays, birthdays, Father's Day, Mother's Day, and the anniversary of the person's death can be difficult, particularly the first year. Sending a card or making a phone call during these special times lets your loved one know they are not alone.
   
   
8. TAKE THEM ON AN INSPIRATIONAL ADVENTURE
   What do they love to do? Help them reconnect with life and joy through the simple pleasures in life. Do they love going to the movies? Going to the beach? Walking through the park? Going to Disneyland? Did they always want to learn how to dance? Help them understand that they are allowed to have fun, even though they are grieving.
    
9.  ATTEND THE FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE
   Unless it is a private family funeral, attend the funeral or memorial service. Having friends and family around at this very difficult time can mean a great deal to your love one.
    
10.  REMIND THEM HOW MUCH THEY ARE LOVED
    Pamper them, hug them, love them, and take special care of them. Remind them that although they have lost a loved one, they still have family and friends that love them. 

Offering your support, understanding and companionship, to a loved one that has experienced a devastating loss, will be a cherished gift. It is the simple acts of kindness that are delivered with an open heart that are remembered year after year.

�2014 Lori Pederson
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website created to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a loved one through the grieving process. If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a loved one, please visit our website at http://www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com. 

I Didn't Know What To Say.com was created to inspire and provide you with tools to assist a friend or family member through the grieving process.
 

My expertise comes from those experiences that only life can provide.  Over the past 20 years I have lost many family members and several friends. Namely, my mother who died when she was 50 from ovarian cancer, my aunt Pam, who died two weeks after my mother in a fatal car crash, my aunt Carol, who died from melanoma, my grandfather Ted from bone cancer, my friend Dan at age 28 who died from a rare form of abdominal cancer, my grandmother Lillian, who died from breast cancer, my grandfather Magnus- bless him to be the only one who has died of old age at 98, my pets Red, Jonathan and Harley, and several friends and colleagues along the way. I am no stranger to loss nor is my family. I mention my loss to acknowledge that what I write is from the heart and from true-life experience. 
 

In addition to my many life experiences, I hold a Master's degree in Human Resource Development from The George Washington University and a Bachelor's degree in Psychology from California State University at Northridge. I have presented workshops in the area of active listening, handling life's transitions, and leadership development for over twenty years and have extensive experience mentoring and coaching young adults.  I am also currently studying with the Grief Coach Academy. 
 

Throughout my life I have been blessed with many friends and relatives that were there for me as I went through the process of grieving to healing.  Their thoughtfulness has been an inspiration to me and I hope to you as well. 
 

I have learned over the years that although people want to support a grieving loved one, they often don't know where to start.  I Did Not Know What To Say.com was created out of my passion to assist people find the words when they don't know what to say or how to be supportive.  
 

I welcome you to share your experiences and inspirational messages.  As we receive new submissions we will be posting them on the website.
 

The smallest of gestures can make a big difference in someone's life.  My hope is that our site will inspire you to make a difference in the lives of those around you.  
 

With Love and Gratitude,  

Lori