"Wait, hold up a second, I wanted to tell how impressed I am by you."
Huh? Wait...what? I'm quite certain no one has ever spoken those words to her. She's 12 years old.
The look on her face was definitely conveying "tell me more." So I did. She and a friend had been having some difficulties. Her feelings had been hurt. In the past, she would have defended those feelings with anger and her response would have been a mean one. She would have retaliated to ensure that her friend's feelings were hurt too, only worse. But this time she didn't make that choice.
"I'm impressed by the way you handled your hurt feelings during all of this. You didn't try to hurt her back or retaliate. You maturely told her that she hurt your feelings and that you didn't like it. You told her that you wanted to be her friend, but not if she was going to treat you like that. You defended yourself in an impressive way. I've seen such an amazing change in you and I wanted to be sure you knew that."
"Really? You see a change in me?"
"Absolutely! I even notice it in the way you dress and the way you walk. You are much more confident being you now and it's awesome to see."
Compliments are great, but they hold a great deal more power when backed up with the evidence that you truly mean it. Are you impressed by someone? Tell him or her. Then tell him or her why.
Donna Shea and Nadine Briggs are both accomplished social educators. They each facilitate friendship groups at their respective centers in Massachusetts. Both Donna and Nadine are parents of children with special needs.
Donna and Nadine offer consultation services for schools, parent groups, and human service agencies. They are seasoned public speakers who travel across the country to bring workshops and seminars to schools, conferences and other venues.
Donna and Nadine are certified in bullying prevention through the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center and are creators of the How to Make & Keep Friends Social Success in School Bullying Prevention Initiative that is used to provide classroom training and team-building activities at many schools.
Donna and Nadine would love to hear from you or your child if you have feedback about our books. They are also happy to speak with you about providing programming for children in your local area or just to keep in touch with you about new books and materials.
