Martha Borst | Master Success StrategistMartha Borst | Master Success Strategist

         WoW

Words of Wisdom

Your Survival Strategies Are Killing You! (Add To Cart)
Visit Martha's Website
Visit Martha's Blog

"The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly."

Jim Rohn

 


As a Leader, Will You Thrive or Just Survive?

      

 

"I feel like I'm swimming upstream. I'm working hard, but I'm overwhelmed and frankly, I'm making very little progress."

 

Like most leaders, this Director of Marketing is highly skilled at keeping his head above water. He is surviving, but he is not thriving.

 

Survival is the most fundamental drive we know. Over the two-million-year history of humankind, instinct for individual survival developed into a hierarchical food chain. Acts of physical survival were translated into two types of power. Whoever was stronger, faster and more intelligent would survive through dominance. Those who were the most skilled at hiding and evading their predators would survive through clever passivity.

 

Over time, the drive for survival power turned into strategies that are familiar to us today: controlling, resisting, blaming, conniving, denying, withholding and succumbing. These days, many leaders accept these strategies as if they were requirements for winning the game - just part of what it means to win in business.

 

In reality, these strategies don't help our bodies or our businesses stay alive - only our egos. Many leaders react to their fears of losing and their egos' need to have their beliefs and opinions survive by resorting to "fight or flight" behaviors. In order to look good and be RIGHT about what they believe to be true, they argue, manipulate, and overpower or sometimes they avoid, procrastinate and lie.

 

Our survival strategies are overkill. Unlike the caveman, in today's world we're not afraid the saber-toothed tiger will tear us apart when we step out of our homes and into our workplaces. Yet, we put into motion the same primal stress response every time we feel our egos threatened. The fear of bodily harm has been replaced by emotional and intellectual fears. We are afraid our beliefs and decisions will be attacked, that we'll be made wrong, look foolish, be rejected or be emotionally hurt. Ultimately, we're afraid we'll lose something and these fears run us because we desperately want to win.

 

Just as an animal will revert to "fight or flight" when it perceives a threat, many leaders frequently resort to survival tactics when they feel stressed, cornered, inadequate or confused. They won't admit to their mistakes, they pretend they know when they don't, they shade the truth for the approval of others, they won't let go of control and delegate, they micro-manage, fight to win at any cost, withhold information and manipulate facts and figures to look good. They may have a strong drive to succeed, but their results and internal well-being is undermined by their self-sabotaging survival strategies.

 

On the other hand, leaders who are thriving approach life and their work with the same drive and desire to succeed, but they bring with it an inner calm, intellectual awareness and emotional maturity. Frequently described as "wise," these leaders do more than just survive. They know stress, anger, anxiety, overwhelm and fear are not caused by the customer, their boss, direct reports, or their peers. They realize their survival instinct is the root of all these reactions, but they also know they are not going to die when confronted with a difficult person, situation or circumstance.

 

They stop fighting the river's current, release their need to protect themselves with passive or aggressive power and maintain a personal detachment. They remove their personal fears and ego needs, keep their eyes on the goal and focus on producing remarkable results in a way that allows them to be centered and completely in control. They are compelling, effective, productive leaders and bring stability to a company.


1) They are able to see the big picture
. They can step back from all the confusion and make sense of everything before them. They don't get caught up in the minutiae. They respond with conscious awareness and don't react emotionally.


2) They are self-sufficient and complete within themselves
. They project a sense of self-control and inner confidence and can be relied upon to act appropriately in any given situation.


3) They are firmly grounded in strong ethical standards.

They don't sell their souls to get ahead or try to undermine others. They can be trusted. They give their word and they keep it.


4) They are profoundly aware of the world around them.
Ever alert and conscious, they don't ignore facts or hide from reality. They are aware of how their actions affect others.


5) They generously contribute to others, but never at their own personal cost.
They empower others yet they maintain personal boundaries.


6) They feel complete
. They have found meaning, purpose and significance within themselves. They don't seek approval from others. They are at peace with who they are with all their faults and shortcomings.


7) They make sound decisions and good choices.
They are more interested in finding a solution than in being right.


8) They inspire others.
They speak to what is possible, and they trust and believe in the people who work with them.


9) They are in the driver's seat and trust where they are going.

They are self-reliant and take full accountability for their choices, actions, reactions and results.


10) They trust the process.
They interpret "failures" and "mistakes" as opportunities to grow and choose to see them as a form of support that will help them reach their goals. They believe if you can't fix it - feature it. They turn lemons into lemonade. 


Letting go of engrained survival strategies is not easy; it takes practice and it's an ongoing process of growth and learning. The first step is to become aware of one's actions, reactions and results. Just as a leader tracks the performance of his/her team or benchmarks best practices of an admired company, leaders who know how to thrive are aware of the signals of survival and are willing to change them. They are committed to win the game while at the same time, supporting themselves and everyone around them to thrive. They lead with both their head and their heart.

 

 

 

 

 

What do YOU think?

Share your thoughts here 

                                                 

Corporate  |  Martha's Book  |  Ask Martha  |  About Martha  |  Free Resources  |  Products  |  Contact