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Don't waste your time. The #1 movie in the country, "Noah," is nonsense. It's dark, depressing, stupid, misleading, and decidedly unbiblical -- a total waste of time. I know, I went last opening weekend, and not because I wanted to. I figured lots of my blog readers would want to know what I think, especially since this is predicted to be the biggest movie of the year. Well, now you know. I'm amazed that some Christian leaders have bent over backward to find redeeming value in this film. "Noah" is to the real story of a worldwide deluge what "Born on the Fourth of July" was to the Viet Nam war and what Oliver Stone's "JFK" was to the real Kennedy assassination - historical bunk, pure contrivance of reality.  SPOILER ALERT - the rain does come and the boat does float and Noah does get drunk when it's all over. That's about all that's accurate, courtesy of atheist director Darren Aronofsky.

In the movie, Noah isn't "righteous and blameless," just moody, depressed, and bipolar. Mankind's sin deserving of the flood is despoliation of the land, a lack of politically correct, progressive values of environmentalism; Al Gore writ large. Worse yet, unlike Noah's clan, they aren't vegans and thus worthy of destruction. Methuselah is still around foraging for berries, not long dead as in the Bible. There's no God, just a Big Bang Creator, with a psychedelic-like retelling of life by evolution, complete with monkeys morphing into humans. (You can get that from the new "Cosmos" series.) Noah's sons' wives are missing (as well as Japheth who is nowhere to be found) forcing Aronofsky to invent a narrative of a stray young woman being taken in, and then promptly impregnated by Seth. The real purpose of Noah in this movie is to save the animals, which are to take over after the flood and Noah's family has died off. The new baby on board messes up that scenario and Noah almost kills the infant in a psychopathic scene.

The worst part is the portrayal of the Nephilim as six-armed, rock-encrusted creatures called "Watchers," good, fallen angels who aid in building the ark. In reality, the Nephilim were human-demonic hybrids described in Genesis chapter 6, spiritually mongrelized giants. This cohabiting of the human and the demonic was a major reason God destroyed mankind, due to the genetic pollution of the human race by demons. (Contrary to what some deliverance ministers teach, I do not believe that the Nephilim were the source of demons, disembodied by their death.) In any case these weird beings in "Noah" defend the patriarch so he can safely board the Ark. In doings so they are killed; then, these evil spirits, who were cast from the presence of the "Creator," are redeemed and return to heaven in a flash of light. Poof-Satan is saved, or at least his demons receive atonement.  Religion News Service's Jonathan Merritt argues, "If approached as an artistic work, Noah will ignite audience's imaginations and raise profound questions about sin, grace, mercy, and faith. So inconsistent Christian critics should stop raining on this film's parade lest they become the ones who miss the boat." The ones who have missed the boat are those who argue there is some cinematic merit in this bowdlerized baloney that I pray crashes at the box office harder than Noah's ark getting grounded on Ararat.

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