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*Quotes in this article are from Foundation for Inner Peace edition; To locate the same quotes in the 'Original Edition', use this link:  http://www.jcim.net/acim_us/Acim.php    
Sarah's Commentary:

Lessons 135 and 136 are both very long lessons. You may want to revisit them as I did today because both offer perspectives that one would not expect. Any defense is frightening because Jesus tells us that our defenses stem from fear, and thus, with each defense we make our fear is increased. Defenses can only come from a sense of threat, and the threat means that we are vulnerable. It is a threat that we believe comes from outside of our own minds, but the guilt which is projected, which now brings a sense of fear of attack, is actually in our own minds. So no matter what defenses we design for our protection, the guilt in the mind, that is the cause of fear, continues to be buried in the mind. It does not look that way to our eyes because the information we get from the world affirms for us that there is indeed a real threat. When we recognize that it all comes from the guilt and terror in our own minds, then we can see that this is where our attention needs to be for our healing.

Getting in touch with that terror is not a lot of fun to say the least. I recently had an experience of this as a result of an event that took place in my life. My immediate response was anger, which I projected, then the cycle of attack and defense, blaming and defending until the aftermath was looking within at the real source of the issues that seemed to be presented in the external conditions. I did not realize how much fear was buried deep within and how vulnerable I felt until I was willing to uncover the cause of my upset. Every upset in our lives covers some deep wounds. Unearthing the wounds is what the external helps us to do when we are willing to look, and no, it is not pleasant, but always helpful. Times like this are when I look for some guidance and often turn randomly to a section in the Course. This time it was all about our magnitude and our littleness. "Not to question your littleness therefore is to deny all knowledge, and keep the ego's whole thought system intact." (T.9.VII.7.3) This is what I was called to do while still remembering that the littleness I perceived in myself was, and is, not real. What is real and true is our magnitude, but the way to magnitude is by going within with Jesus and asking for his help to have the courage to look honestly at how we are portraying our littleness. The challenge is to look at this without judging ourselves for it. Not always easy!

All of our defenses, including making plans to mitigate future threats, are about our belief that we are bodies with feelings that get hurt. Now we feel the vulnerability of our condition, but Jesus continually reminds us that we are mistaken about our identity. Our reality is this glorious infinite Spirit, but as long as we identify with these bodies and personalities, we will defend ourselves. Jesus does not make us wrong because a Child of God is never wrong. He only asks that we look at how all this has been set up so we can go back to the mind and question what we believe. He is just asking that we let him help us to recognize the true source of our power in the mind in order to undo our investment in the illusion and to realize that this is not how God created us.

Our plans appear to be developed as a defense against change. We are threatened by the truth of our reality as an invulnerable Son of God. As we learn to release our plans and learn to trust guidance of the Holy Spirit more and more, we experience more joy and peace. For me this has been a process where I find myself taking my hands off the steering wheel of my life and recognizing that control is an illusion. As I learn to trust more, I find that, increasingly in my life, things just all fall into place. As I get more and more affirmation of His presence, there is growing trust.

It is important though, that we not feel guilty for making plans in the illusion. Jesus is asking us to focus our attention, not on what we do in this world, but what is going on in our minds as we make plans. So when we lock our doors, pay our insurance, put on our seatbelts, and design strategies to protect against being hurt, we are preserving our sense of threat. It is not about making changes on the level of form in our behaviors, but about recognizing how these ego plans are based on fear and based on protecting and preserving the self that we think we are. When we are willing to accept that we are not victims of what we thought was a threat to us, we can ask for help of the Holy Spirit to forgive ourselves for using our plans to attack ourselves and to separate from God's Love. So our plans are merely defenses against the truth, and they defend us from the truth because they keep us locked in the perception that we are these fragile beings that are extremely vulnerable. Jesus assures us that when our minds do not abuse the body, by assigning roles to it that it cannot fulfill, then the body will be strong and healthy. Thus the focus needs to be on the forgiving mind, which is the cause of all the effects in our lives. Thus, I find that when I am angry and upset or worried and suffer, which means that I am choosing the ego, I cannot sleep or eat. When I choose peace, then what is happening in my body or that of anyone else, has no effect.

These lessons are helping us to uncover the many layers of defenses that we have against the truth of who we are. We are learning to look at the sin, guilt and fear in our minds, so we can bring it to awareness for forgiveness. It is not helpful to simply change our behavior in the belief that this is a real change. While we are still holding onto our misperceptions, the guilt and fear will remain intact in our minds. What is important, therefore, is to do the real healing of looking at the blocks to love that we are holding in our minds. Of course behavior then naturally follows because when the blocks are gone, we naturally function from the right mind and our behaviors will align with the love within. Beneath all of these crazy thoughts we have is the truth that, "My mind holds only what I think with God." (W.Review IV.2.2)

This lesson came a day after I had been asking guidance about a situation where I felt wrongly accused and was asking how to see it. If I defend myself I am attacked. So I got my answer in perfect timing as is often the case when these lessons show up. Jesus asks us, "Who would defend himself unless he thought he were attacked, that the attack were real, and that his own defense could save himself?" (W.135.1.1) I will not give illusions reality. I am reminded today that all attack is a call for love and understanding, and ultimately it is my own call. To respond in any way other than with love, "adds illusions to illusions, thus making correction doubly difficult." (W.135.1.3) Isn't that what happens when we respond to attack? It all gets very complicated. The simplicity of salvation is to bring our mistaken perceptions to the truth. Letting my seemingly justified attack go, and recognizing it is all as a call for love, allows the peace that is in my mind to prevail. Even more so, when lessons show up, often specifically for the question currently in our minds, then we can be assured that the Holy Spirit is there offering us the answer. He is always there. We just don't hear the answer because we are preoccupied with figuring it all out on our own. To do this on our own is to be listening to the voice of the ego.

As I was struggling in my mind with how to address what seemed like a difficult issue, I got a beautiful affirmation from a Course student who reminded me of the truth about myself. At the risk of reflecting an ego perspective, the message which I have abbreviated here said "Sarah, how can I thank you for that which moves me through you...your insights, wisdom and example of holiness. The springs of grace that flow from your heart to those you care about is so honorable. I just send so much love and gratitude to you and Don for sharing like you do and can hardly wait to sit in your sanctuary again." How beautifully things are orchestrated in our lives when we simply step aside. How beautifully the Holy Spirit speaks through others to the truth in ourselves. How lovely is the heart that extends itself into the mind to bless. A metaphor that I like is that we can choose the quiet center of the storm that is raging around us. In that place, the storm has no reality.

I find that when any kind of trouble brews in my life, I really get the lesson. When things go according to my plans, it is much easier for the ego to just sit back and congratulate itself on its spiritual progress. I am always thankful for these opportunities to watch the mind and be humbled by the way the truth dawns on my mind when I am willing to get more honest about my motivations. One of my favorite passages in this lesson always brings gratitude when Jesus says, "What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good? Perhaps you have misunderstood His plan, for He would never offer pain to you. But your defenses did not let you see His loving blessing shine in every step you ever took. While you made plans for death, He led you gently to eternal life." (W.PI.135.18.1-4)

This does not mean that God brings all these events into our lives. The fact is that we have written the script for our lives, but within each event, there is a gift is offered by the Holy Spirit for our healing. Thus, no matter how difficult or challenging the situation seems to be, there is always a gift that is in this situation, and all we have to do is to be willing to see it so the lesson can be learned. So within the script that we have written for our lives, the Holy Spirit offers us an alternative. The alternative is always perfect for our awakening, and it is always a miracle.

Sickness is also a defense. It is something that we apparently choose quite deliberately when truth gets too close for comfort. It allows us to distract ourselves and become committed once again to the belief that we truly are a vulnerable body, being attacked by something outside of us. Sickness simply affirms that the body is what we are and it has all the power to make us feel whatever it wants, keeping us separate from others, making us sick and eventually bringing death. Yet, sickness is a defense that affirms that we have defeated the truth and thus defeated God and made Him wrong about us. But when truth enters, illusions are gone.

So the only antidote to sickness is to accept the truth about ourselves and let our minds be healed. Of course, when we do experience sickness, it is not helpful to ask why I did this to myself and what is wrong with me. It is there only to help us realize that it is a mistake to confuse our body with the truth of who we are. We just need to remind ourselves that the truth is that we are invulnerable. The body is just a tool to bring love and healing to the world and when we get this, when we truly remember our Identity, then its health is guaranteed.

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