It's hard to believe that December is upon us once again and the end of the year is just around the corner.  This time of year always brings thoughts of family and friends, and of peace, joy and love. 

Last month, I gave a speech on cross-cultural communication best practices, and I used the phone call between President Obama and President Rouhani as as an example of what a difference reaching out to those who are different than us can make in breaking down barriers and starting a dialogue.  I noted that while it was too soon to say whether this initiative would be successful, it was a positive sign.  At the end of my presentation, a gentleman came up to tell me he disagreed with me, and that I shouldn't have used that as an example. 

I realize that many from both sides will disagree about the path the U.S. and Iran should take, as shown by the demonstrations in Iran and the "distrust but verify" camp in the U.S. But I am convinced that we are all better off when we are engaged and communicating. I am thankful that we live in a country where we can disagree with each other, communicate freely to better understand each other, and live peacefully, if not always harmoniously, together.   I firmly believe that there is no greater cause than promoting peace at home, at work, and abroad.  So during this holiday season, I wish you and yours peace and goodness.  

Pace & bene,  

Sonia Garza-Monarchi 

Garza Protocol Associates, LLC.

Ask the Protocol Lady: 

I've been invited to a friend's house of worship.  Where can I find out what to expect and what should I do or not do?

What a timely question and a wonderful opportunity to learn about another person's culture!  As many of you know, for the first time in over 100 years, Hanukkah and Thanksgiving overlapped for what many called Thanksgivukkah.  There have been times when other major religious holidays of different faiths have also overlapped, providing us unique opportunities to share experiences, learn about each other's traditions, and reflect.  

Your first resource should be your friend, who will be eager for you to feel comfortable in her house of worship.  If you are the host, always advise your guests of any special rules or code of conduct, as well as how long the service usually lasts.  It is important to let your guests know what to expect.   Tell them about the proper attire, and any unique aspects of the service: incense, passing of the collection basket (and that they don't need to contribute)...

For example, if I invite you to Christmas Mass, I will let you know about the nativity scene and what it signifies. I would tell you to expect a workout, since we sit, stand, and kneel at various times throughout the service.   Guests in my church should feel free to participate in the service as they feel comfortable, and they don't have to kneel.  The major restriction for non-Catholics is that they cannot receive communion.  They can however, go up to the altar during communion and receive a blessing, if they so desire (and I would explain that in such a case, you just step forward with your arms crossed in front of your chest at the same time as people are receiving communion).  I would also tell you about the sign of the peace, where people shake hands, and close friends and family often hug or kiss each other on the cheek. 

So, if your friend didn't tell you what to expect, ask questions.  You can also call churches, mosques, synagogues, temples and various religious organizations and just ask for some quick pointers. You can also refer to the book listed in this month's "On the Shelf" section, or to the excellent book How to be a Perfect Stranger.  In any case, do accept the invitation and go with an open mind and an open heart.  It is a compliment that your friend feels comfortable enough to share this very personal and special part of  life with you.  

 The Protocol Lady