ACIM Edmonton - Sarah's Reflections
LESSON 22
What I see is a form of vengeance.
Jesus tells us clearly that "the world was made as an attack on God." (W.PII.Q3.2.1)It is a world of form with the content of vengeance. The thought of separation brings with it attack because the separation started with an attack thought. It was the thought that we could have our separate identity by attacking Creation and making our own kingdom where we would be the king. As Jesus says, "would you remain within your tiny kingdom, a sorry king, a bitter ruler of all that he surveys, who looks on nothing yet who would still die to defend it?" (T.18.VIII.7.5) And that is what we wanted when we chose to separate from our Christ Self. But with it comes humiliation, unworthiness and a sense of having done wrong and that there is something wrong with us. We don't like these feelings and so we project our attack thoughts on others, seeing them as the cause of how we feel.
The anger over our condition, that is in our own minds, is seen in the world so now it appears that it is independent of our own minds. "Having projected his anger onto the world, he sees vengeance about to strike at him." (1.2)We see the world attacking us because we know that the attack thoughts in our own minds must be in everyone's minds. And so we expect attack. We don't recognize that all we are seeing are our own attack thoughts projected out and now seen to be coming at us. Because we believe that we have separated from God, and that this is a reality, we have a lot of guilt. The guilt in our minds is so intolerable that the ego knows that it won't have our allegiance for long if we have to live with the huge load of guilt. So it has given us a solution which is to project it out and see our guilt in others. But we know that this is how we keep it. The guilt is still in our minds. We have not gotten rid of it by projecting it. And because we have guilt in our minds, we now believe that we deserve punishment. When we attack, we expect attack in return. So we live in fear of what is coming at us from the world. We feel we are at the mercy of a world that treats us badly. We feel victimized by the world. The thought system of attack and defend is what everyone who comes here brings with them. It can't be otherwise because we all are here because of our choice for separation from God and our belief that we have attacked him to gain our independent self. We don't like to take responsibility for our attack thoughts and thus we protect ourselves by claiming that we only attack in self defense. "His own attack is thus perceived as self defense." (1.3)Now we see ourselves as the innocent victims and others as the guilty ones.
"This becomes an increasingly vicious circle until he is willing to change how he sees. Otherwise, thoughts of attack and counter-attack will preoccupy him and people his entire world. What peace of mind is possible to him then?" (1.4-6)We are all stuck in this vicious cycle until we ask for help from outside of this thought system which is where this course teaching comes in. When we are willing to see that the cycle starts in our own minds and that our thoughts are the source of our experience, then the attack and counter-attack that has set up our entire world can be changed. As we will see in the lesson tomorrow, Jesus assures us that we can escape from the world we see and we do that by giving up our own attack thoughts which is where the vicious cycle begins. It begins in our own minds and not from outside of ourselves. This is good news for us, even though there is considerable resistance to it. Why is that? Because we actually want others to be responsible for how we feel so that we can see our own attacks as justified and see ourselves as innocent victims of those attacks. Jesus tells us that this is not so. We have it all wrong. We are the makers of the universe. All power is in our own minds. And that is good news because now we have the power to make another choice.
He reminds in in Chapter 21 that "everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked." (T.21.II.2.5). "For the guilty expect attack and having asked for it, they are attracted to it." (15.VII.6.6) Our attraction to guilt is our attraction to the self that we think we are. We are investment in the world, and judgment is what makes the world go around. Judgment is thus oxygen to the ego and keeps it going.
We are not aware of how much guilt we have because a veil of forgetfulness has been drawn over it. It has been repressed and denied. But we have a vague sense that it is always there. And because it is, we see a dangerous world which we feel we need to defend ourselves from. So we build defenses. Yet with each defense we build, our fear increases. Defense would be unnecessary if we had nothing to fear. "Since the separation, defenses have been used almost entirely to defend against the Atonement, and thus maintain the separation." (T.2.III.1.2)
Jon Mundy, an ACIM teacher/student, in his book "The Missouri Mystic" writes about being fired as a Methodist Minister. On his way to the office of the Bishop, he keeps saying over and over "Do not attack this man and do not defend yourself." When he arrives and hears the news of his being fired he writes "I think of something to say and then think 'no, this is an attack.' Then I think of something else and then think 'no this is a defense'. So I say what he wants to hear me say, the only thing that is not an attack or a defense. I say 'good-bye.' " And having done so, he saw later that the Bishop was actually doing him a great service. "He knew I wasn't a Methodist even before I did. Whoever wrestles with us hones our nerve and strengthens our skill. Bishop Black pushes me onward and upward to become who I'm meant to be. He helps me to fulfill my destiny." So as we give up the attack and defense thoughts in our own mind, choosing the miracle brings healing and breaks us out of this vicious cycle of attack and counterattack. But it is never what the ego counsels us to do. Only by bringing the mind in alignment with the Holy Spirit, with peace, can we choose another way to respond.
For the lesson yesterday, we started the process of looking at our anger thoughts many of which we have long tried to hide from our awareness by not looking at them or by diminishing their importance and by projecting them out on the world. But having projected my attack thoughts on the world, I now expect vengeance to come back at me. This becomes that vicious cycle of attack and defense from which there seems no way out. And indeed there isn't until we take total and complete responsibility for what we perceive that we have come to believe is outside of our own minds. With willingness, we bring our attack thoughts, that have been pushed into the unconscious, to our attention. Looking at our own attack thoughts without judgment is enough. When we look without judgment and acknowledge responsibility, space is made for the miracle. The ego wants to kick and scream at the very idea of this. "What do you mean?" it demands. "Look at what they are doing to me. I am totally justified in my anger. I have every reason to be upset." But just as Jon discovered, the only way to peace is by giving up our own attack thoughts and bringing them to the light of truth so that space can be made for the miracle.
The message offered here is that there is escape from all of this. We can achieve peace of mind. Our own thoughts have made everything that we experience, and none of it is real. It is all a "savage fantasy" made up by our own thoughts. The power is in our minds to make a new decision. And because we have made it up we have the power to change it all by realizing that it is all just a fantasy made by our belief in the perishable, in the world of form, in something that is not real and does not actually exist. All I am seeing in the world is my own attack thoughts-nothing else!! These attack thoughts are crystallized into form.
Our minds are indeed very powerful in the illusion. The only way that they are not powerful is that they can't change who we are as the Son of God. The Atonement Principle assures us of this. But in the illusion we can do anything that we believe. We literally can move mountains. Once we recognize the power of our minds, we can use this power to escape from this insanity we have made and learn that there is another way-a more joyful, peaceful way to live within the illusion of this world until such time as we are ready to wake up from this dream that we are dreaming. The power of our minds is always at work. We don't completely believe this as yet. However, we are told that somewhere in us we do know that we have such power and that is precisely why we dismiss it because of our fear. It is our fear of the love that we are. If we deny that we have it then we can't be afraid of it. This denial of our power is supported by people who tell us not to worry about our crazy thoughts as long as we don't act on them. But this is not the truth. The power of our minds continues to manifest but without our awareness. That is even more frightening to think about. When we recognize that the mind never loses its creative force, then we will be more motivated to be vigilant in watching our thoughts.
When we take these small daily steps in our practice, we will experience some disorientation in this period of undoing. But with each step we take, we are making progress to another way of seeing, until we increasingly recognize that we don't want the world of attack and defense that we made.
Like many of the lessons here, it can be tough for us to accept that we have all this anger in us, not just some of the time, but all of the time. Our desire to see nothing but peace and love will change what we see in the world. It does not necessarily mean that their behaviors will change, though they may, but it will mean that we will see all behavior as love or a call for love and understanding, and nothing else.
Meanwhile, others are merely a perfect mirror for us. They reflect back what is in our minds which is brought forward for our attention and healing. And remember as this lesson says, it truly is a happy discovery that we can escape all of this "savage fantasy," by seeing it reflected back to us.
The world truly is tired and aren't we all getting weary? Isn't it good to know that "all that you fear does not exist" (2.5) because only the eternal, everlasting and changeless is real.
So today as you practice this lesson, remember that what you are seeing is a form of vengeance because you look on it with anger causing you to believe that others will want to get revenge on you. But this vengeful world is just our own projection of our own thoughts which exist only in our savage fantasy or our imagination. As such it is not real. And if it is not real it has no permanence. So our goal today is to become willing to look at our own vengeful thoughts. And the results of this can be very powerful in bringing peace to our minds.
As an example, Don had made plans to be away with his buddies next week but did not tell me of this plan. When I asked him about it he said he thought he had told me. The ego mind immediately had thoughts of being dismissed as unimportant; feeling left out; wanting to retaliate with "well I will just go ahead and do my own thing and not consider you." As these thoughts rolled through my mind, I stopped and looked at my own unworthiness, my attack thoughts, my fears and asked for help to see from above this battleground. And from that place I had to laugh at myself playing out this victim role in the dream. It only took a moment but in that choice, peace prevailed. I said nothing to him and determined that peace was more important than revenge. My mind would not have been changed so quickly without years of course practice. But I am grateful that opportunities like this show up for me to look at my vengeful thoughts and take responsibility for them.
We are encouraged to do this lesson at least five times today for at least one minute each time. Look around and as your eyes move slowly from one thing to another to say "I see only the perishable. I see nothing that will last. What I see is not real. What I see is a form of vengeance." This is a very challenging statement when we apply it to our own self. And when we do, we have to see that we still want the perishable body and world because we are still seemingly in it. Thus you can again see why we have resistance to the teachings.
Conclude by asking yourself "Is this the world I really want to see?" He says that the "The answer is surely obvious." (9.2)But to us, it is not so obvious when we are still invested in the world. We still do want to see it and be part of it. But Jesus assures us that this world is not what we truly want in our sane mind. Beyond this world there is a world we do want.
Love and blessings, Sarah
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Quotes in this article are from Foundation for Inner Peace edition; To locate the same quotes in the 'Original Edition', use this link: http://www.jcim.net/acim_us/Acim.php
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