This Lesson says, "Sin is the only thought that makes the goal of God seem unattainable." (W.259.1.1) What is that thought? It is the thought that I have done something so horrendous I could never attain my innocence again. It is the thought that I am lost forever, because of the badness of my being, for which I have to suffer. How could I go to God when I have so much to undo? Not only do we hold the belief in our unconscious minds that we have killed off God in order to exist, but on a conscious level we believe the things we have thought and done have altered who we are. Now it seems to us it must therefore be a long and arduous journey that will take many years, if not lifetimes, to undo.
 
We have become blinded to the truth and instead have come to believe the "strange and the distorted seem more clear." (W.259.1.2) In other words, the seeming reality of this world seems more clear and obvious since we can see all of the problems and issues as if they are what is real and true. We see our own wrongdoings and it seems obvious to us  there must be consequences for us for what we have done. The bigger the sin, the more we must pay. Our strange and distorted thought system of sin and guilt has projected out a strange and distorted world that now seems real to us. Now it seems to us we have to protect and defend ourselves from perceived attack, which we think we deserve because of what we believe we have done. If Jesus tells us we have done nothing and we remain innocent, why do we insist on holding onto our belief in sin and guilt except it protects us from God's Love? The only reason we want this protection is because we still value the separation. We still prefer to hold onto our own thoughts, which "make the goal of God seem unattainable." (W.259.1.1)

This cycle of guilt, punishment, suffering and more guilt, keeps us in a state of fear. We believe we deserve punishment because we are guilty and are therefore unworthy of joy, health and happiness. These are the thoughts we walk around with, that there is something we have done wrong even though we don't completely know what that is. And this brings feelings of not being OK, of not being worthy, of always trying to improve ourselves, and of feeling there is something lacking in us. Only when we fully accept our innocence can we open the door to abundance and wholeness. It is not something we need to attain. We already are complete, whole and innocent, but we block the truth about ourselves, because we actually prefer to hold the belief that we have done something terribly wrong. As a result, we live in a state of fear, and we don't believe we are deserving of happiness, abundance, joy and peace.

This was exemplified for me in a movie called "The Words," where the main character Rory Jansen, a struggling writer, has been unsuccessful in getting his work published until he discovers a lost manuscript in an attache case that his wife buys for him on their honeymoon in Paris. He ends up publishing the story he found and now becomes famous. He enjoys his fame until the author of the work shows up. Now he finds himself in a dilemma. He wishes to undo the damage, but there is no way out. He must live with his shame and guilt. The story is about consequences of our wrong decisions, which lead to a lifelong process of self-punishment and self-judgment. The ego approves of this. In fact, Jesus says the ego considers this holy. Yet Jesus says, "You whose mind is darkened by doubt and guilt, remember this: God gave the Holy Spirit to you, and gave Him the mission to remove all doubt and every trace of guilt that His dear Son has laid upon himself." (T.13.XI.5.1)(ACIM OE T.13.V.39) He asks that we not feel guilty "because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him." (T.5.VII.6.10)(ACIM OE T.5.IX.96) Yet Rory would not allow this for himself, and we are the same.

This brought up for me a situation where I had committed a sin, in my estimation, in betraying a friend. I realized, in talking with Don about this, that I was still holding onto this against myself, feeling the guilt and the shame. Something happened about 35 years ago, but I had never talked about it with anyone except my friend, whose friendship I still maintained. Don reminded me nothing real had happened. I could forgive myself for what never happened except in my mind. Yet I was still carrying this situation, because I felt I still needed to atone for the guilt, but this is just another way to keep my innocence at bay and to keep separation away.

Jesus is calling us to recognize "what sin perceives is but a childish game. The Son of God may play he has become a body, prey to evil and to guilt, with but a little life that ends in death. But all the while His Father shines on him, and loves him with an everlasting Love which his pretenses cannot change at all." (W.PII.Q4.4.2-4) Thank goodness that despite what we think we have done we have not been able to change our reality. Thank God that He knows nothing we can do or have done, can change Creation. All we are doing is holding our " return to Heaven back," (W.PII.Q4.5.7) by holding onto our misguided thoughts.

Just like the Prodigal Son, we believe we can't return to our home until we clean up our act and become good. Yet when the Prodigal Son returned home and told his father "I have sinned against you and before Heaven, I am no longer worthy to be called your son," the father does not agree with the son's evaluation of himself and say "yes, you have done wrong, but I as a good man will forgive you." Instead he puts a gold ring on his finger, puts a cloak around him and sandals on his feet and arranges a celebration for the son that was lost and is now found. Where he went and what he did did not matter. The level of illusion we get caught in does not matter. The only thing that matters is that we turn in the direction of our innocence, our happiness and our peace, which will lead us home.

Jesus urges us to think about what we are doing and how long we want to maintain our game of sin. It is up to us. It is our choice. There is nothing we have ever done that is beyond correction. It is about our readiness "to put away these sharp-edged children's toys." (W.PII.Q4.5.7) When will that time be? "How long, O holy Son of God, how long?" (W.PII.Q4.5.8) When will we be ready to return to the home we believe we had to leave because we had done something so bad God would never forgive us?

God assures us He loves us and is waiting for our return. We, on the other hand, think because of what we have done we can't go back home. We have run away from our home. Our Father is calling us back, but we feel so guilty and terrible about the things we have done that we feel we can't return. Yet we keep asking God how long we have to be here and why doesn't He bring us back? We may wonder why this all powerful God does not just take us back home. We get so discouraged that this spiritual journey home seems to be taking such a long time and we just want out of here. What are we waiting for? Only for ourselves. We still don't realize we are playing the game of sin. We are believing a story that is not true. Until we give up our silly game of self-attack and punishment and guilt, we will continue to hold Heaven back while all the time God is there in our minds, welcoming us home. We want to hold onto our identity and our specialness and believe that we are safe in our little kingdom separate from God.

This Lesson is calling on us to remember whatever we think we have done, or have not done or have failed to do, we are still innocent. The condemnation we have laid on our own heads is what is keeping us in the cycle. Our belief in sin leads to guilt, and guilt demands punishment. This brings fear and  fear leads to self-defense. Yes, we did those awful things in the dream, but the dream is not real. Does that mean we can attack with impunity? Of course not. Jesus makes it clear attack and anger are never justified. As long as we attack, we will feel guilty and we will expect punishment. We can see how our attack thoughts keep us from knowing our true innocence.

The truth is we are completely innocent because the world is not real and our game is being played out in a dream we are dreaming. That is the only reason there is no sin. Whatever we have done in the dream did not actually happen. Therefore, sin cannot be real. The only reason the ego convinced the mind sin is real is so we would be convinced  our rupture with God is permanent. The world arose from this thought, and is a smokescreen for keeping the ego thought system in place.

Notice how no one ever admits they attack because they want to. Oprah once spoke of a survey that asked people about rudeness and how prevalent it is in the society. Those who were surveyed affirmed that rudeness was rampant in the society, but when asked if they themselves were ever rude, 99% said they were not. Isn't that how it is with us? We think our attacks are justified. We make excuses for them. It is always about what someone else has done to us first. We need to take responsibility for our attacks, release our regrets and judgments of ourselves and recognize they have not changed our nature. We are innocent and so are all of our brothers. Our sole responsibility is to accept Atonement for ourselves and thus extend this same innocence to all of our brothers.

Today each time you are tempted to get angry or upset about anything, realize you have made a wrong choice. The ego will always try to justify our upsets with a story. Be willing to release the story. Be willing to recognize you are wrong in the way you see it. Ask the Teacher Who is already in your right mind how to see the situation.

Ask yourself today, do I want to act on this attack thought, or do I want to find a new interpretation of the situation so I could appropriately answer the call for love from my brother? I need to be open to acknowledging the attack thoughts in my mind are not what I want. I can take a moment and step aside from the situation and agree to let the thought go. When I realize this is how I am holding Heaven back, and keeping myself from my joy and peace, I will be motivated to choose again. As I turn my thoughts over to the Holy Spirit, I trust His healing will allow them to dissipate. If it is a strong thought, it may come back. This is because I have not totally given it over. Now I do the same thing again. I ask for the Holy Instant, remembering whoever is the saner in any conflict should remember how much gratitude is due his brother. I remind myself there is only one mind, so when the person who is more sane at the time extends forgiveness, the other always receives it at some level.