DOCTOR'S NOTE
We often hear people say that children do not come with an instruction booklet. They don't. As parents, we are all just doing the best we can. I know it seems like some parents are doing a worst job than others or vice versa, but all in all, we are all doing the best we can. We are parenting from our experiences; from information we have or have not been exposed to; and, from what we have gleaned from what was modeled for us in our homes and in our communities. So, even when it doesn't look like "the best", it really is our own personal best.
In this newsletter we take a look at parenting styles. My personal parenting style is authoritative, although research says an authoritarian parenting style is better. I probably toggle between the two. I am a very strict parent....I was; my children are adults, now. But, I am a nurturer and I'm very affectionate, so I balanced my loving actions with consistent discipline, and it proved to be very effective.
The parenting style that I see the most in our community and in the media these days, is the least effective parenting style....permissive parenting. Permissive parents are afraid to discipline their children because they are afraid their kids will not love them. Permissive parents explain, explain, and explain, hoping their child will eventually get it together. I agree with Dr. Thomas Phelan, author of 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for children 2-13, who posits that kids rarely respond to words and reasoning. Go to your local library, Amazon, etc. to get the book and/or the DVD. 1-2-3 Magic is the parenting program that I recommend for children 2-12. I encourage you to try it, especially if you have a child exhibiting symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, which is the diagnosis spotlighted in this newsletter.
If you are a parent who primarily uses the permissive parenting style, I challenge you to change.
See more about parenting styles, below, and as always.....call us if you need us!
Dr. Newman
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DIAGNOSIS SPOTLIGHT
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Diagnostic Criteria
The essential feature of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a recurrent pattern of negativistic, defiant, disobedient, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that persists for at least 6 months, during which four (or more) of the following are present:
1)
often loses temper
2)
often argues with adults
3)
often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
4)
often deliberately annoys people
5)
often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
6)
often touchy or easily annoyed by others
7)
often angry and resentful
8)
often spiteful or vindictive
To meet the criteria for a diagnosis of ODD, the behaviors must occur more often than is typically seen in individuals around the same age and the behaviors must be causing significant problems in social, academic, or occupational settings.
Associated Features and Familial Patterns
Oppositional Defiant Disorder is more prevalent in males and more prevalent among those who in the preschool years have problematic temperaments (e.g. high reactivity, difficulty being soothed) or high motor activity. During school years there may be low self-esteem (or overly inflated self-esteem), low tolerance for frustration, swearing, use of alcohol and/or illicit drugs. There are often conflicts with parents, teachers and friends. Sometimes there may be a vicious cycle in which the parent and child bring out the worst in each other. ODD is more prevalent in families in which child care is disrupted by too many different caregivers or in families in which harsh, inconsistent, or neglectful child-rearing practices are common. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is common in children with ODD. Learning Disorders and Communication Disorders also tend to be associated with ODD.
ODD appears to be more common in families in which at least one parent has a history of a mood disorder (e.g. Depression), ODD, Conduct Disorder, ADHD, Antisocial Personality Disorder, or a Substance-Related Disorder. There are some studies that suggest that mothers with a Depressive Disorder are more likely to have children with oppositional behavior. And, ODD is more common in families in which there is serious marital discord.
(American Psychiatric Association (2000).
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4
th ed., Text Revision)
Treatment
- There is no medication that is scientifically established or formally approved to treat ODD.
- Therapy/Counseling-
- Individual therapy with the child to help him/her develop more effective coping and problem solving skills, and to learn ways to express and control anger.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy to reshape the child's thinking to improve his/her behavior.
- Family therapy to help improve family interactions.
- A specialized therapy called parent management training (PMT) to teach parents ways to positively alter their child's behavior.
- Behavior management plans that identify rewards for positive behaviors and consequences for negative behaviors.
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PARENTING TIPS
Parenting Styles
During the early 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study on more than 100 preschool-age children.
Using
naturalistic observation
, parental interviews and other
research methods
, she identified four important dimensions of parenting:
- Disciplinary strategies
- Warmth and nurturance
- Communication styles
- Expectations of maturity and control
Based on these dimensions, Baumrind suggested that the majority of parents display one of three different parenting styles. Further research by Maccoby and Martin also suggested the addition of a fourth parenting style.
Four Parenting Styles
- Authoritarian Parenting
In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment. Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, "Because I said so." These parents have high demands, but are not responsive to their children. According to Baumrind, these parents "are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation".
- Authoritative Parenting
Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents "monitor and impart clear standards for their children's conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative".
- Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. According to Baumrind, permissive parents "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation". Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent.
- Uninvolved Parenting
An uninvolved parenting style is characterized by few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. While these parents fulfill the child's basic needs, they are generally detached from their child's life. In extreme cases, these parents may even reject or neglect the needs of their children.
The Impact of Parenting Styles
What effect do these parenting styles have on child development outcomes? In addition to Baumrind's initial study of 100 preschool children, researchers have conducted numerous other studies that have led to a number of conclusions about the impact of parenting styles on children.
- Authoritarian parenting style generally leads to children who are obedient and proficient, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem.
- Authoritative parenting style tends to result in children who are happy, capable and successful.
- Permissive parenting often results in children who rank low in happiness and self-regulation. These children are more likely to experience problems with authority and tend to perform poorly in school.
- Uninvolved parenting style ranks lowest across all life domains. These children tend to lack self-control, have low self-esteem and are less competent than their peers.
Why is it that
authoritative parenting provides such advantages over other styles? "First, when children perceive their parents' requests as fair and reasonable, they are more likely to comply with the requests," explain authors Hockenbury and Hockenbury in their text
Psychology. "Second, the children are more likely to internalize (or accept as their own) the reasons for behaving in a certain way and thus achieve greater self-control."
There is no universally "best" style of parenting," writes author Douglas Bernstein in his book
Essentials of Psychology.
Authoritative parenting, which is so consistently linked with positive outcomes in European American families, is not related to better school performance or outcomes among African American or Asian American youngsters."
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FUN APPS & EDUCATIONAL WEBSITES
FUN APPS
- Heads Up!
- Circle
- Spelltower
- Flow Free
- Sudoku Free
- 2048 Puzzle
- Tic Tac Toe
- Wordsearch
- Starfall
- Luminosity
See iTunes Store and Google Play
Educational Websites for Children
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FUN THINGS TO DO
- Sarah P. Duke Gardens, 420 Anderson Street, Duke University West Campus, Durham, NC 27705. Duke Gardens is a stunning 55-acre public garden. Go for a leisurely stroll around the gardens, bring bread and feed the ducks, or engage in an amateur photo shoot.
- West Point on the Eno, 5101 N. Roxboro Road, Durham, NC 27704. Five miles of scenic trails along the river; hiking; fishing; picnic shelters; and, natural play space.
- Durham Central Park Skatepark, 501 Foster Street, Durham Central Park, Downtown, Durham, NC 27701. Skateboarding park.
- AMF Durham Lanes (Bowling), 4508 Durham-Chapel Hill Blvd., Durham, NC 27707; (919) 489-9154.
- DefyGravity, 4300 Emperor Blvd., Suite 250, Durham, NC 27703; (919) 825-1010. Wall-to-wall, steel frame trampolines.
- Happymess ART Supply Shop and Studios, 718 Iredell Street, Durham, NC 27705; (919) 286-9763. Make your own art "mess"terpiece. All art supplies are included.
- The Little Gym of Durham/Chapel Hill, 202 W. NC Highway 54, Southpoint Crossing Shopping Center, I-40 Exit 276, Durham, NC 27713; (919) 403-5437. Fully-equipped gymnastic development facility specially designed for kids ages 4 months to 12 years.
If you are saying, "that's not my thing"....change! Let's try a new thing!:)
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TEAMS....A
GREAT WAY TO DEVELOP SOCIAL SKILLS!
Sports Programs, Leagues, and Clubs
- Bouncing Bulldogs, http://www.bouncingbulldogs.org ; 1728 Fordham Blvd., Chapel Hill, NC 27517; (919) 493-7992. Competitive jump rope team for ages 5-26.
- Bull City Gymnastics, http://www.bullcitygymnastics.com ; 4502 Bennett Memorial Road, Durham, NC; (919) 383-3600. Gymnastics and tumbling classes for ages 1 and older.
- Bull City Little League, http://www.northdurhamlittleleague.org ; P.O. Box 71181, Durham, NC ; (919) 886-6410.
- Durham Orange Volleyball Enthusiasts (D.O.V.E.); http://dovevb.com ; Team opportunities for U12- U15 age groups. Practices are held at the Duke School.
- Durham Striders Track Club, http://www.durhamstriders.com ; P.O. Box 15758, Durham, NC 27704; (919) 477-9445. USATF club offering athletic and educational training to ages 6-18.
RECIPE
Best Cobbler Ever (No Fools Pie)
1 stick butter
1 cup Bisquick
¾ cup sugar
¾ cup milk
1-1½ cup drained fruit (your choice)
Melt butter in an 8 or 9 inch casserole dish in the oven while the oven is preheating to 350 degrees.
In a bowl, combine the Bisquick, sugar, and ¾ cup milk and stir until smooth.
Pour the batter over the melted butter.
DO NOT MIX!
Bake 40 minutes until lightly browned and the center of the cobbler springs back when touched.
(My favorite is strawberry. Slice 1 ½ cups fresh strawberries in a bowl and cover with ½ cup sugar overnight, then drain them the next day when you are ready to prepare the cobbler. I've also tried cooking 2 cups fresh apples in ½ cup sugar and ½ teaspoon nutmeg, until they are soft. Let them cool and drain them to prepare apple cobbler; or, cook 1 can of yellow cling peaches in ½ cup sugar and ½ teaspoon ground ginger until they are soft. Let them cool and drain them to prepare peach cobbler.)
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