Donna and I were giving a friendship seminar recently when during Q&A, a mom brought up a concern about her son. "My son has been friends with this one kid for years. They used to play together all the time, but lately it seems the other boy is losing interest in my son."
I have paraphrased her exact words. but the gist of what she was saying is very familiar to us. Donna and I glanced at each other both already knowing the answer to our follow up question. "How old is he?" we asked, The mom answered exactly as we suspected she might, "He's 10."
Why do children's friendships tend to show signs of strain at this particular age? The reason is that kids are growing up and sometimes that means growing apart. When the kids are little, it is easy to get together with your own friends while the kids play. They are interested in all sorts of toys and curious about new things. As kids age, their likes and dislikes begin to take shape and individual interests grow stronger. If a childhood friend does not form the same strong interests, the foundation of the friendship can begin the crack. It can crack very quickly if your child's buddy has found new friends who share his or her interest. He or she will be drawn toward the new friends and away from your child.
Knowing the reason for it does not make the loss of a friendship any less painful. As parents, we can do our best to help our child find new friends or focus more on deepening other current friendships. Kids can be given a hopeful message that this is very normal and happens at their age and that, even though it hurts, it is not personal. Some kids may find themselves going through a dry patch and not have many or even any friends for a while. We have seen it enough to know that dry patches are temporary and the best thing a parent can do is to support his or her child during this time with reassurance that this dry patch will end and new friendships with kids who have common interests will emerge.
Donna Shea and Nadine Briggs are both accomplished social educators. They each facilitate friendship groups at their respective centers in Massachusetts. Both Donna and Nadine are parents of children with special needs.
Donna and Nadine offer consultation services for schools, parent groups, and human service agencies. They are seasoned public speakers who travel across the country to bring workshops and seminars to schools, conferences and other venues.
Donna and Nadine are certified in bullying prevention through the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center and are creators of the How to Make & Keep Friends Social Success in School Bullying Prevention Initiative that is used to provide classroom training and team-building activities at many schools.
Donna and Nadine would love to hear from you or your child if you have feedback about our books. They are also happy to speak with you about providing programming for children in your local area or just to keep in touch with you about new books and materials.
